Thursday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
TNT:
Mot: PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q?: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.?
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q?: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
*************
Mot: Danny sets up ""Fred"" to go on a blind date with Shirley....
Danny sets up ""Fred"" to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his. But ""Fred"" is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says ""Fred"", “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry.” Danny says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, and then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! And fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, ""Fred"" knocks at Shirley’s door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. ""Fred""’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”
***************
Mot: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."
Mot...... School - the 2nd Day! ~~~
Mot: .. a Reality When Raising the "'Wee Folks"" ~~~
Mot .... More Insight into Raising the ""Wee Folks"" ~~~
Mot: dad gets scary surprise from kids while blowing leaves ...
"Bits and Pieces" Posted by Mot at TNT
.Mot: Wyatt, do not let this world change your kind heart young man for its people like YOU that will change this world
August 22 at 7:31 PM ·
I am praying this reaches this young mans parents!!!
Tonight as I was leaving football practice with my three kiddos my 4 year old was so tired he started crying and acting a fool as we were getting in the van. My 7 year old daughter started crying because I told her we were having red potatoes as a side for dinner and clearly she wasn’t a fan sooo I threw my hands up and said FORGET it - McDonald’s tonight!!
We go through the drive through order food all three kids are now crying for one reason or the other I go to pay - I LEFT MY PURSE AT HOME. Welp now I wanted to cry. I look at the young man with tears in my eyes just from being stressed and annoyed and say “hun I am so sorry but I have to cancel that order I left my purse at home when we went to football tonight” WITHOUT HESITATION he takes out his wallet and swipes his card before I could even say “no I will be right back!”
Mot: Wyatt, do not let this world change your kind heart young man for its people like YOU that will change this world
August 22 at 7:31 PM ·
I am praying this reaches this young mans parents!!!
Tonight as I was leaving football practice with my three kiddos my 4 year old was so tired he started crying and acting a fool as we were getting in the van. My 7 year old daughter started crying because I told her we were having red potatoes as a side for dinner and clearly she wasn’t a fan sooo I threw my hands up and said FORGET it - McDonald’s tonight!!
We go through the drive through order food all three kids are now crying for one reason or the other I go to pay - I LEFT MY PURSE AT HOME. Welp now I wanted to cry. I look at the young man with tears in my eyes just from being stressed and annoyed and say “hun I am so sorry but I have to cancel that order I left my purse at home when we went to football tonight” WITHOUT HESITATION he takes out his wallet and swipes his card before I could even say “no I will be right back!”
I was like wait no hun it’s ok I will come back through then he replies “no it’s totally fine, my pleasure”.
I snapped a quick picture and asked his name to which he replied Wyatt ma’am. I told him I would be right back with cash for him & he tried hard to talk me out of it.
I just want his parents to know how KIND & COMPASSIONATE your son was tonight! He made this stressed out momma pause for a moment and realize this is exactly what we parents are trying to do, raise great humans. Well Wyatt sir, you are an amazing human!!!
I went back and handed him cash and had to make him take it because he didn’t want to take more than he had paid but I wanted him to know that when you put good out in the world it comes back to you ten fold!
Wyatt, do not let this world change your kind heart young man for its people like YOU that will change this world for the better!
Credit: Brittany Reed
**
Mot: Always looking fer an easier way to Clean the House So When ~~
Mot: .. I Just Love My New Cereal!!! ~~~~
Mot: .... Can You Just Imagine Doing This!! ~~ prank paper bag
Mot: .... Finally!!!! ---men naming eyeshadow
Mot: . Thinking of Someone Having a Tough Day! ~~~
"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.
The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
TNT:
Mot: The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.
The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes, answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk??
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.
************
Mot: South Dakota Rancher
The South Dakota Department of Labor claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
SD Govt agent: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Rancher: Well, there's my first hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
SD Govt agent: That's the guy I want to talk to...the mentally challenged one.
Rancher: That would be me.
************
Mot: A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer."No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.
"Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am.
Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.
"Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.
Now, what was it she wanted?
"The clerk smiled and said, "Rain."
Mot: Yet another Awareness Tip as Ya Become More Seaoned! ~~~~
Mot: .. aaaahhh to be Enlightened about that Marital Thingy! ~~~
Mot: Eating out for a change.... part of that Marital Thingy! ~~
"Bits and Pieces" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: You never know what a few kind words can mean to someone...
A five dollar tip. It seemed so small and insignificant. I was at a Sonic Drive In which is not a place that I would normally give a tip but something magical happened when I listened to the still small voice today. I had a friendly young man bring my order to my car. He was talkative and pleasant. I had the feeling that I should ask him about his job.
I said, "How do you like working at Sonic? My boys work at Chick FIL A and II know that fast food jobs can be stressful." The young man replied, "It can be stressful sometimes but I like it. This is my first job and I just started this week." With that he hurried off to get another order to a customer.
I sat and watched him as I ate. He was probably about 18 years old. I had a feeling that he might have had some struggles in life but I could see the warrior spirit in him. He was determined to be successful at this job and I could tell he was trying so hard to make a life for himself.
TNT:
Mot: You never know what a few kind words can mean to someone...
A five dollar tip. It seemed so small and insignificant. I was at a Sonic Drive In which is not a place that I would normally give a tip but something magical happened when I listened to the still small voice today. I had a friendly young man bring my order to my car. He was talkative and pleasant. I had the feeling that I should ask him about his job.
I said, "How do you like working at Sonic? My boys work at Chick FIL A and II know that fast food jobs can be stressful." The young man replied, "It can be stressful sometimes but I like it. This is my first job and I just started this week." With that he hurried off to get another order to a customer.
I sat and watched him as I ate. He was probably about 18 years old. I had a feeling that he might have had some struggles in life but I could see the warrior spirit in him. He was determined to be successful at this job and I could tell he was trying so hard to make a life for himself.
When I was ready to leave, I called him over and gave him five one dollar bills. He was surprised and very grateful but I felt impressed to do more. I said, "I've been watching you work. You have such a great attitude. You're very friendly and I can see that you're really motivated to do your best. With those skills you're going to go really far in this world. You might not think so now but you will be a great success. I am a director of a big company. I interview people all the time and I can see your potential.
To my great surprise, the young man started to cry. He said, You don't know how much that means to me. That is going to make my life. I'm going to remember this forever. What's your name?" I told him my name and he said, "I love you Tanya" and I said I love you too! He walked away wiping tears from his eyes.
You never know what impact a few kind words can have on a person. If you feel impressed to show some kindness, go for it. I guarantee you will feel so uplifted. I thanked Heavenly Father for the opportunity He gave me to touch that young man's heart and give him some hope. I drove away with tears in my eyes and joy in my heart.
I will be checking in with this young man from time to time and my hope is I will find someone who has an opportunity for him to move up in his life.
Tanya White
************
Mot: . Ya Knows that irritating Dandelion Weed Ya Can't Get Rid of – Wellllll
Here are some interesting facts about the dandelion flower:
The dandelion is the only flower that represents the 3 celestial bodies of the sun, moon and stars. . The yellow flower resembles the sun, the puff ball resembles the moon and the dispersing seeds resemble the stars.
The dandelion flower opens to greet the morning and closes in the evening to go to sleep.
Every part of the dandelion is useful: root, leaves, flower. It can be used for food, medicine and dye for coloring.
Up until the 1800s people would pull grass out of their lawns to make room for dandelions and other useful “weeds” like chickweed, malva, and chamomile.
The name dandelion is taken from the French word “dent de lion” meaning lion’s tooth, referring to the coarsely-toothed leaves.
Dandelions have one of the longest flowering seasons of any plant.
Dandelion seeds are often transported away by a gust of wind and they travel like tiny parachutes. Seeds are often carried as many as 5 miles from their origin!
Animals such as birds, insects and butterflies consume nectar or seed of dandelion..
Dandelion flowers do not need to be pollinated to form seed.
Dandelion can be used in the production of wine and root beer. Root of dandelion can be used as a substitute for coffee.
Dandelions have sunk their roots deep into history. They were well known to ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans, and have been used in Chinese traditional medicine for over a thousand years.
Dandelion is used in folk medicine to treat infections and liver disorders. Tea made of dandelion act as diuretic.
If you mow dandelions, they’ll grow shorter stalks to spite you.
Dandelions are, quite possibly, the most successful plants that exist, masters of survival worldwide.
A not so fun fact: Every year countries spend millions on lawn pesticides to have uniform lawns of non-native grasses, and we use 30% of the country’s water supply to keep them green.
Mot: ... the Moral of the Story is ~~~~~
Mot: . Kids these Daze! - siigghhhhhhhh ~~~~
Mot: ..... A Duck Was About to ~~~~
Sunday Night "Humor While We Wait...and Wait...and Wait Some More......."
.“Quotes from Maxine….Life, Love and Losers”
“I just tried to book a makeover. They said they’d call me when the parts come in!”
“My brain’s not on vacation anymore…but it does seem to be considering an early retirement!”
“Your golden years are a time to start asking yourself life’s big questions…Like, “Now why did I come into this room? I knew a minute ago!”
“I’ve got the ergonomic office chair…but, this job’s still a pain in the butte!”
“When the going gets tough……eat more fiber!”
“Going to work would be easier if I stayed in bed for a living!”
“Let your conscience by your guide……and you will never have any fun!”
“Quotes from Maxine….Life, Love and Losers”
“I just tried to book a makeover. They said they’d call me when the parts come in!”
“My brain’s not on vacation anymore…but it does seem to be considering an early retirement!”
“Your golden years are a time to start asking yourself life’s big questions…Like, “Now why did I come into this room? I knew a minute ago!”
“I’ve got the ergonomic office chair…but, this job’s still a pain in the butte!”
“When the going gets tough……eat more fiber!”
“Going to work would be easier if I stayed in bed for a living!”
“Let your conscience by your guide……and you will never have any fun!”
“Ever get your fast food, and kinda wish they’d taken their time?”
“I tried getting away from it all…most of it followed me!”
“Every once in a while the girls get together for a brunch…that’s a cross between a brawl and a punch!”
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore indefinitely!”
“I have an 8 to 5 job….Unfortunately it comes with a 10 to 2 paycheck!”
“ I work in a big office…..The conference room sleeps thirty!”
“They say that truth is inside you….That must be what’s giving acid reflux!”
“The Journey of 10 feet begins with a single “Where’s the $#%&^*!@ remote!”
“You can lead a horse to water…If you want the water to smell like horse for the rest of the day!”
“I applied for a loan, but the bank had zero percent interest.”
“In life there’s no free lunch…Unless you crash a wedding reception…then there’s free cake and booze too!”
“Reach for the stars….It keeps your chest from sagging!”
“I love soap operas…They make me feel so….what’s the word-Normal!”
“Love is in the air…in case you are wondering what that smell was!”
“Catch and release” is pretty much my policy when it comes to dating too!”
“The women in romance novels ought to throw a fit instead of heaving a bosom!”
“Romantic gestures are not my speciality…..driving gestures….sure!”
“If men are from Mars, we need to find the bozo who supplied them with spaceships!”
“Looking for a hot date? Pick any date in August…They don’t get much hotter than that!”
“I like to think of make-up as just another way to lie to men!”
“I’m what they call a “natural woman”….which just means “Not rich enough to get implants!”
“Men are only good for one thing…but, then you have to feed them between car repairs!”
“They say it’s not over till it’s over….Wow, I wonder how long it took ‘em to figure that one out?”
“A single red rose says, “I love you” ….a window box of headless carnations says “Keep your dog in your own yard!”
“My boss asked me to take an anger management class this year…I told him I’m angry enough with management as it is!”
“You can tell Hollywood is full of environmentalists…they keep recycling the same plots!”
“Interesting coincidence…I have firewood, and the neighbor is missing an Adirondack chair!”
“I keep a well stock pantry in case friends drop by….I could hide in there for days!”
“I’m not sure that good things come to those who wait….but, I’ve noticed that bad things happen to people who cut in front of me in the express lane!”
“Instead of blogging about your life…try getting one!”
“Personally, I think conservatives and liberals should move toward the middle of the road….Makes it easier to run ‘em over!”
“It’s tough being a Congressman….try patting yourself on the back with both hands in constituents pockets!”
“ All my co-workers have great tans….Especially on their noses!”
“Riding the bus saves gas and helps the environment…plus, what other mode of transportation gives you so many chances to tell people where to get off?”
“ The only thing worse then seein’ a baseball player scratch himself on TV, is knowing he probably earned a couple grand while doing it!”
“The early worm may get the worm…but the night owl gets the tequila!”
TNT:
Mot: Amazing how Things Change and Sooo Fast too at Times! ~~~~~
Mot: .. UH OH ..... as Ya get More and More Seasoned!! ~~
Mot: ..... OOOOOpppssie!!! ~~~~~~
"Keep Beleivin' In The Unbeleivable" by Dr. Dinar
.Keep Believin' In The Unbelievable!
by Dr. Dinar
Sheesh. They can put a man on the Moon. Or at least we think they can anyway.
Could've been Hollywood magicification for all we know.
Without a doubt the lighting situation was highly suspect.
But let's go ahead and give 'em the benefit of the doubt, just for the sake of discussion.
What we do know is they can put shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle.
Well, according to the label anyway.
Even if we're unable to see inside the bottle itself, that much we can see.
However, based on the results, it certainly appears we're being fed some serious misdisinfo.
Would the shampoo company intentionally deceive us?
Naw... they wouldn't do that.
From Recaps Archives
Keep Believin' In The Unbelievable!
by Dr. Dinar
Sheesh. They can put a man on the Moon. Or at least we think they can anyway.
Could've been Hollywood magicification for all we know.
Without a doubt the lighting situation was highly suspect.
But let's go ahead and give 'em the benefit of the doubt, just for the sake of discussion.
What we do know is they can put shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle.
Well, according to the label anyway.
Even if we're unable to see inside the bottle itself, that much we can see.
However, based on the results, it certainly appears we're being fed some serious misdisinfo.
Would the shampoo company intentionally deceive us?
Naw... they wouldn't do that.
Or would they.
The all-in-one results certainly aren't anything even close to those derived from implementing them in a two-step process. Shampoo first, then conditioner.
Matter of fact it almost feels (and looks) as if there's been no conditioner applied whatsoever.
Once again, we're left with two options. Believe or don't believe.
Moving on, let's go with something a bit more visible. Like a sandwich.
We know they can put peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.
How do we know that? Because we can see it.
Yes, thanks to something as simple as a clear glass jar, we're able to see the two key ingredients in all their swirlicious glory.
We know what Peanut Butter looks like. We know what Jelly looks like.
Especially when both are applied to two separate slices of bread.
Both easily recognizable, totally different colors as well as tastes.
So when you see them both swirlified in the same clear glass jar, it's pretty much a no-brainer.
No need to be a believer in the unseen, the evidence is unmistakably clear.
So it only stands to reason that if they can do all of those things, then why on Earth can't they get this GCR done.
Yeah, yeah, I get it. This is a biggie.
A never previously been attempted, once in anybody's lifetime, one for the history books, global sized event.
Yet, isn't that exactly why they assigned this task to only the most intelligent folks on the planet.
If it were up to me and my goal was to make this GCR thing happen, I know I would do everything possible to ensure I had assembled the best Team available. Wouldn't you?
Isn't that sort of Rule No.1, hire those more intelligent than yourself.
It only makes sense.
Keeping all that in mind, we also have endless amounts of trendsetting technology at our fingertips.
From talking clones to flying drones, without a doubt we're wise beyond on years.
And still, with all that at their disposal, they still can't seem to get this done.
We're constantly being told that they've been working on getting this thing done for the past fartoomany years.
However, with no visible proof, one can't help but begin to wonder if this thing truly is getting done.
As in making forward progress of any sort.
Not to point fingers but if any of us were to be appointed to a similar position, we'd have been fired long ago.
And rightfully so.
After all, you're hired for one reason. To do a job.
One job. Complete a desired task.
Basically, to git 'r done.
And I don't know about you but from where I stand, they ain't got it done.
Not yet anyway.
Close? Maybe. But done?? Not so much.
I don't care how many hundreds of times I hear "It's done... we're just waiting for the release."
Until they release it, it ain't done.
Until it's liquid and spendable, it ain't done.
Until I can buy groceries and pay the electric bill to keep those groceries cold in the fridge, it ain't done.
Until I can buy the groceries for the person behind me in the grocery store line, it ain't done.
So please, if you're one of those continually saying "It's done, but... .", please check to see how important that add-on but is.
I believe you'll come to find that one little but makes all the difference.
Which brings me back to my original thought.
That being if any of us were in charge of getting it done, regardless of what "it" is, yet we continually fell short in accomplishing our goal, we'd surely be excused from our place of employment.
And our replacement would be hired (or recharged, depending on if we were to be replaced by a Robot or not) post haste.
Hmmmmm... replacement. That's it!
What if we seek out replacements for whomever the heck it is that's responsible for completing this task.
Whomever's job it is to make this RV / GCR thing happen. To git 'r done.
The one's that don't appear to be getting it done. Yeah, them folks.
Would it be a group such as the A-Team, with all of their battle-hardened skills?
Or a bunch such as Charlie's Angels, with their super-stealthish abilities among their many attributes.
Surely they could get the job done.
And no, I didn't refer to any of them as Shirley.
Heck, at this point I wouldn't care if it was The Brady Bunch.
As long as we're assured they're on our side and want the best for humanity, I'm okay with it.
But wait. Let's think about this for a second.
What if I'm wr... wro... mistaken in my thought process.
What if the people assigned to completing this task actually do want it done.
What if they are in fact doing their very best to get it released.
What if they are indeed on the good side, wanting the best for humanity.
After a decade of feeling as if it's entirely possible we've been duped, I think it's only natural to be more than a bit skeptical.
To begin to question everything and everyone involved in this situation.
Especially when we're all too aware of the many folks that don't want this to happen.
Yet, at some point you have to have faith.
In both the people in charge as well as the ongoing process itself and the supposed progress being made towards completing the process.
Think about it. Doesn't matter how long you've been involved in this exchange endeavor, if you're anything like me, then you've yet to see any factual signs of progress.
After hearing words such as Article 140, the HCL Law, new Prime Minister seated, Erbil Arbil Gerbil ramblin' by our monitors for over a decade now, one becomes quite numb to all of that delirium.
Meaning all of the supposed results are just as intangible as the forward progression of the process itself.
As Bruce Springsteen often says, we're runnin' on empty, runnin' blind, unable to see any progress nor the process itself.
He must be a currency holder.
Come to think of it, looking back, hasn't it pretty much been that way since the very start.
Runnin' on faith, believing in the unbelievable.
For the most part none of us had ever been to Iraq.
Yet we were so anxious to connect with someone that had (or had a connection to someone that had) that we were easily swept up by people that continually made claims of having connections in places we could never have imagined.
Were we idiots for believing them? Hmmm... perhaps. Let's hope not.
Believers in the unbelievable? Without a doubt.
And who could blame us.
If you're going to get involved in anything like the RV/GCR and you refuse to believe in the unseen, I wish you all the luck in the world.
You're gonna need it.
This whole thing runs on the unverified and unseen.
Believing in the unbelievable is key to surviving this journey.
So at this point in the process we're pretty much stuck believing that the people in charge of this RV/GCR thing, whomever they may be, have only the best of intentions.
Believing that they're working with much more intelligence and knowledge than we tend to give them credit for.
Or at the very least hoping they are well aware of Google and aren't afraid to use it.
Who knows, they might be just like us.
Fed up with the seemingly endless broke weekends and want this done and completed just as much as we do.
Perhaps even more.
They've still got time to get this done.
Let's hope this is a season of miracles after all.
And let's hope our Christmas in July Bonus isn't just enrollment in another year of the RV/GCR "Rumor Of The Month" Club.
The global economy ain't got time for that.
And neither do we.
Hang in there folks and keep on believin' in the unbelievable.
Kindly,
Dr. Dinar
Disclaimer: Please consider everything in this post as my opinion. I’m not a professional Wealth Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, 'Rumor Of The Month' Club Salesman, etc.. I’m simply someone that chooses to believe in the unbelievable, including but not limited to, the possibility that they truly do want to get this thing done. Be sure to consult a professional for any financial decisions you make now and in the future.
Saturday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: The New Dentures
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
TNT:
Mot: The New Dentures
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
Mot: Much better excuse than "my dog ate my homework" ...
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose on my Daddy's tush!"
"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"
************
Mot: .. ((( fer the Guys ONLY ))) - Only at Joes Bar & Grill!! ~~~~
Mot: Ya Haven't Heard of any UFO Alien Abductions Lately - HUH - Heres Why!! ~~~
Mot: ... On That Rare Occasion ~~~
Mot: ... Poor Doggie! -- and He saw it on TV - too! ~~~
Mot: ... an Awareness on Training Your Fur Babies! ~~~~~
Tuesday Night "Bits and Pieces" From Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: "To the man in line behind me at the Gainesville Target”
"To the man in line behind me at the Gainesville Target, who saw that after hitting my grocery budget limit I decided to put back my Pumpkin Spice candle and the makeup I had picked out,
You didn't know that I always save my stuff for last and usually end up putting it back.
You didn't know that the two fussy kids I had with me, were only two out of four.
You didn't know that I have postpartum depression from the youngest babe and that I use scent as a way to boost my mood.
You didn't know that this week has been full of sick kids, parent-teacher conferences, and emergency dental visits and I was so looking forward to lighting that candle at nap time and just taking a minute to relax.
TNT:
Mot: "To the man in line behind me at the Gainesville Target”
"To the man in line behind me at the Gainesville Target, who saw that after hitting my grocery budget limit I decided to put back my Pumpkin Spice candle and the makeup I had picked out,
You didn't know that I always save my stuff for last and usually end up putting it back.
You didn't know that the two fussy kids I had with me, were only two out of four.
You didn't know that I have postpartum depression from the youngest babe and that I use scent as a way to boost my mood.
You didn't know that this week has been full of sick kids, parent-teacher conferences, and emergency dental visits and I was so looking forward to lighting that candle at nap time and just taking a minute to relax.
Even without knowing that, you saw me.
You saw me as a human, not just the mom in front of you that was distracted and going way too slow.
You heard me say that I'd like to put those items back and you said you were getting them.
You didn't take no for an answer.
You told me I deserved it when I started to tear up.
You, Sir, are the good in the world. You made my day, probably my week, and I WILL pay it forward. Thank you so much for your kind heart and words."
Credit: Erin Bennett
Mot: . He Had a Large Pond in the Back ~~~~~
Mot: .. Getting the ""Wee Folks"" ready fer da Sun! ~~~~
Mot: .... Needs an Answer - he Does - on that Marital Thingy!! ~~~
Mot: Ireland's newest visitor attraction and also the highest slide.....Beyond the Trees! – Avondale
Saturday Night "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: . the Cardiologist and Motorcycle mechanic ......
So… A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc can I ask you a question?” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it while it’s running.”
TNT:
Mot: . the Cardiologist and Motorcycle mechanic ......
So… A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc can I ask you a question?” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it while it’s running.”
Mot: Kid Writes A Letter Home After Joining The Marines.
This Kid Writes A Letter Home After Joining The Marines. This is gold!
By Jessica Jones
Their kid joined the marines and the parents were anticipating a letter in order to know how their child was doing. When they finally received one it quickly went viral. This is definitely a must read!
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.
We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
****************
Mot: .. ooooooooh - Let the Summer Games Begin! ~~~
Mot: . Why these are My Pets!! ~~
Mot: oooooh lordy! ~~ teaching the English Language - wellll – LOL gruesome
Mot: .. Hoping this is a Joke - but _ Fraid knot!!! Misspellings
Actual Complaints From Dissatisfied Customers
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT 7-11-2022
TNT:
Mot: ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
TNT:
Mot: ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
**************
Mot: Yeppers. - More insight on that Marital Thingy! ~~
Mot: . and yet Another Awareness Insight into that Marital thingy! ~~
Mot: . Special Tip for that Marital Thingy! ~~~~
Mot: in therapy! ~~~ siiggghhhhhh
Mot: . Those ever Ending Chalenges of a Relationship! ~~
