"Humor While we Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: One of the most misunderstood things in the world is the difference between men and women.
At first glance, you would think that we are very much the same because we have the same general makeup. When you start to look under the surface, however, you realize that there is a significant difference between men and women in the way that they think and their emotions. It can sometimes be difficult to understand but this story shows the difference so clearly that you will never be able to forget it.
Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then, there is silence in the car.
TNT:
Mot: One of the most misunderstood things in the world is the difference between men and women.
At first glance, you would think that we are very much the same because we have the same general makeup. When you start to look under the surface, however, you realize that there is a significant difference between men and women in the way that they think and their emotions. It can sometimes be difficult to understand but this story shows the difference so clearly that you will never be able to forget it.
Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then, there is silence in the car.
To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Fred is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer…Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Martha is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Fred is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Martha is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Fred is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty…scumballs.
And Martha is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…
“Fred,” Martha says aloud.
“What?” says Fred, startled.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…oh dear, I feel so…”(She breaks down, sobbing.)
“What?” says Fred.
“I’m such a fool,” Martha sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Fred.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Martha says.
“No!” says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that…it’s that I…I need some time,” Martha says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
“Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?” she says.
“What way?” says Fred.
“That way about time,” says Martha.
“Oh,” says Fred. “Yes.” (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
“Thank you, Fred,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Fred.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.
The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?”
And that’s the difference between men and women.
-Dave Barry
Mot: - Yeppers!! - More insight on Raising the ""Wee Folks"" ~~~
Mot: -- I Know He Means Well - but ~~~(lion inside me)
Saturday Night "Chuckles" Posted by Mot at TNT 1-15-2022
.TNT:
Mot: Things that took me 50 years to learn
By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of it's glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle...
TNT:
Mot: Things that took me 50 years to learn
By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of it's glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle...
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens ... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
11. Never lick a steak knife.
12. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
13. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. Your friends love you anyway.
************
Mot: "THE HUSBAND STORE"
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. "You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building."
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On each floor the signs on the doors read:
FLOOR 1 - These men have jobs.
FLOOR 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
FLOOR 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:
FLOOR 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
FLOOR 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
FLOOR 6 - You are visitor 3,261,496,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. 😄
(Author Unknown)
************
Mot: -- Yeppers!! - I Agreeeeee ~~~
Mot: More insight into raising the ""Wee Folks"" - from Mot of Course! ~~~
Mot: oooooooh Deeer!
Mot: -- Yet Another Moment of Marital Bliss! -- from Mot of Course! ~~~
Mot: -- Now Whomever Would Want to Use This un!!??? ~~~
Some "Chuckles" From Mot at TNT Tuesday Evening 1-11-2022
TNT:
Mot: Montana Grizzly Bear Notice
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.
"We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them.
We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop.
Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
TNT:
Mot: Montana Grizzly Bear Notice
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.
"We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them.
We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop.
Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
Mot: Resurrected Rabbit
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and went out to see what had become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry.
A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 meters, turned, waved and hopped another 50 meters.
The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can!!
He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
************
Mot: -- Yet Another Valuable Marital Insight.... from Mot of Course!! ~~~(home improvement)
Mot: Yet More insight into Raising the ""Wee Folks"" -- from Mot of Course! ~~~
Mot: -- LOL - sum will get it! ~~
Mot: Karma Has A Sense Of Humour...... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHXXuaLhe0A
"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT 1-9-2022
.TNT:
Mot: AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
TNT:
Mot: AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S TUSH?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.
************
Mot: -- Just Love the Reactions I Get! ~~~
Mot: -- LOL -- Me Too! ~~~
Mot: -- To Baffle one from da 50's ~~~
Mot: ooooh..... ooooh..... ooooh.....
Mot: .. IN Case Ur Wondering! ~~~ (spring countdown)
"In It To Win it" By Dr. Dinar From Recaps Archive Section
.In It To Win It By Dr. Dinar
Is this thing for real?
No... really. Is it?
Yeah, this dinar RV deal.
This entire GCR "thing".
Is any of this really and truly going to happen? Like, ever??
Or are we existing in some kind of an alternate universe, alternating between reality and who knows where.
In It To Win It By Dr. Dinar
Is this thing for real?
No... really. Is it?
Yeah, this dinar RV deal.
This entire GCR "thing".
Is any of this really and truly going to happen? Like, ever??
Or are we existing in some kind of an alternate universe, alternating between reality and who knows where.
I'll bet there are quite a few folks asking themselves those very same questions right about now.
Not just family and friends of those afflicted with RV/GCR-itis.
Heck, they've had our Rubber Rooms reserved for us for many years now.
It's no shock to them that this once in a lifetime pipe dream has yet to materialize.
To them it's no surprise whatsoever that we aren't celebrating our new lives as millionaires.
Heck no.
They knew from the very beginning that this pie-in-the-sky, too-good-to-be-true Ponzi Scheme was just a scam perpetrated by the banks, the ABC Agencies and the self-proclaimed behind the screens Guru's.
And so far, they're feelin' pretty good about their predictions.
And they won't hesitate to continue to remind us of that fact either.
"Are you rich yet?"
"Did your ship finally come in?"
"How's that new Ferrari workin' out for ya?"
"Enjoying your new Beach House?"
I'm pretty sure we've all been on the receiving end of those jabs.
And more.
The naysayers that continue on with their relentless doubt filled statements, all in an effort to prove themselves right, at the expense of our being wrong.
Which all serves to undermine your foundation, if even just a little bit.
Completely understandable.
For those of us that have been involved in this made for TV spectacle for many years, those that have done the research and built a foundation based on history and how it's extremely likely that history will repeat itself in one form or another, I have a feeling we're fairing a bit better than those that have recently jumped on board the Insane Train.
Yes, I have a strong feeling that those folks among us that are relatively new to this game are going through those initial stages of serious doubt right about now.
Could the naysayers be right?
Could this all be a scam?
Did I fall for yet another Pyramid Scheme, just like my Brother in Law said I did?
We all have those twinges every once in a while, even us RV/GCR veterans.
It's only natural.
At the end of the day it comes down to this being a currency speculation.
Yes, a SPECULATION.
There are no guarantees, one way or another.
Absolutely none.
We paid our money, we bought our currency, we all (well, most of us anyway) verified that we were over 48in. tall, which means we're "officially" tall enough to ride this ride.
Basically, we're committed (some believe we should have been committed long ago but that's another story for a different day) to this journey, however long it may take.
Long term investment?
Yeah, we know.
Believe me... we know.
After all, how many times have we heard that.
Not quite as many times as we've heard "It's goin' down tomorrow!" but probably pretty darn close.
Which doesn't bode well for those that thought this was a guaranteed Lottery Ticket win.
Once they realized that this ordeal was going to take some time, they've had to do quite a bit of digging to create foundations of their own.
A means of hanging on and hangin' in there by any means available.
And I feel sorry for those that have yet to go through the initial reality check.
We all got "in" shortly after hearing we only had a few days before this thing popped and suffering through the not-knowingness of whether our shipment of IQD would arrive in time or not.
Yep, been there, done that.
And got the faded Fed Ex envelope to prove it.
Yet, here we are, weeks, months, some of us years later.
Still amazed at how we could still be waiting.
Wondering how all of these endless drop-dead dates and deadlines could have slid by without as much of a provable peep of factual facts to show for it.
Last I checked all the economies around the world should have crumbled at least five years ago.
And yet, here we are, with a world seemingly no worse for wear.
Well, besides the mandatory wearing of the masks, anyway.
Go figure.
And now we're back to the sounds of silence.
Which, I ain't gonna lie, can really be kind of a drag sometimes.
Yep, Dinarland has once again been hushed into submission and to be honest, the silence is deafening.
We've all picked our faves along the way and whether you're a fan of the Newshounds or the Rumtellers, you've surely felt there was someone in Dinarland strummin' the right banjo.
Playin' your tune.
Unfortunately, at the end of the day, here we sit with boxes of funny money and seemingly none of the all-knowing Guru's being any more right or wrong than any of the others.
We're all on the same playing field, left wondering who has the ball.
All part of the Plan? Perhaps.
Maybe all this confusion was just part of a well executed plan of deception.
Myself, I lean more towards the uncontrolled chaos of the situation creating most, if not all, of the confusion.
Not to mention all the behind-the-scenes corruption adding to the confusionism as well.
Mix it all together and you pretty much have the scenario we're currently experiencing.
I'm not so sure they had to add any extra ingredients to spice up the mix.
Does that mean we give up? Heck no!
Does it mean we aren't any closer than we were when Iraq was released from Chapter 7 oh so many years ago?
Again, not necessarily.
Maybe so. Maybe not.
Heck, at this point, everything's a guess because nobody really knows.
One thing's for certain though, we HAVE to be getting closer. Don't we?
I'd sure like to think so anyway.
Unfortunately, closer doesn't necessarily mean close.
Then again, it doesn't mean that we're not close.
It only means that despite how often we might forget, things are happening, things have happened, and things are being done.
Just not on our schedule.
Nor anybody else's for that matter.
And not the one thing we want so emphatically to be over and done, which of course is the GCR.
Therefore, it comes down to making a choice.
Do we bail out early, sell our currency back, and say a quick Adios to Dinarland?
I say Heck No!
I vote we continue to stay strong, to fight the good fight, and to prove, not only to ourselves, but to our family and friends, that we were right.
That "they" were wrong.
That this deal IS real.
That we aren't just plain looney.
That we aren't simply one dim Crayon short of a sharp tool shed.
I know I'm not going anywhere
I'm in it to win it!
And hopefully you are as well.
We've been in this thing for far too long to give up now.
Kindly,
Dr. Dinar
Disclaimer; I'm not a Wealth Manager, Financial Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, RV/GCR Committee member, nor am I the Dog Whisperer or in any way involved with the SPCA or the promoting of buying or selling of foreign currency. I'm simply someone that chooses to believe in the power of positive thinking and on the odd chance this thing truly is real, I want to make sure I'm there at the finish line to enjoy it.
"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT 12-26-2021
.TNT:
Mot: Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies
Air Force Maintenance Reports
The US Air Force must have given up on the Fault Tree Analysis they had developed in 1959.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem: Test flight OK, except Autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Signed off: IT DOES NOW.
TNT:
Mot: Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies
Air Force Maintenance Reports
The US Air Force must have given up on the Fault Tree Analysis they had developed in 1959.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem: Test flight OK, except Autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Signed off: IT DOES NOW.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: Volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.
Problem: Number three engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*****************
Mot: Laughter is good for your health -
An old golden retriever started chasing rabbits in the woods and before long discovers that he is lost. Wandering about he notices a panther heading in his direction. “Oh no, I am in deep trouble now” thinks the retriever.
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on them with his back towards to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap the old retriever exclaims loudly, “Boy that was one delicious panther. I wonder if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew” says the panther. That was close. That old retriever nearly had me”
Meanwhile a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.
He catches up with the panther and spills the beans. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and with the squirrel on his back, sets off after the conniving canine.
Again the old retriever sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks “what am I going to do now”
But instead of running the old dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the old retriever says; “Where is that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther”.
************
Mot: -- Yet another ""Insight into Marital Bliss!"" -- from Mot of Course! ~~~
Mot: -- Yeppers!! - Fer Sure! - Gunna Be the Year! ~~ Yah - uh huh! ~~~
Mot: -- Snowing and Blizzardly out side soooo -- Time fer My Favorist Winter Sport! ~~~
Mot: -- Looking Forward to It!! -- Big Guy! ~~~
Some "Christmas Cheer" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: A Most Embarrassing Excursion
Janene Dutt · December 18, 2021 ·
Dear Holiday Shoppers…
Seriously? How could you? Honestly, I have never been so disappointed in a collective group of people in my life. My faith in humanity may never be the same.
Let me explain…
It was a Saturday in mid-December and I had just arrived at the mall for a few precious hours of Christmas shopping without the kids. I started out at my favorite place, the bookstore. I bought a couple of books, used the “facilities” as their bathroom is usually the cleanest (I keep track of these things), then continued on my merry way.
TNT:
Mot: A Most Embarrassing Excursion
Janene Dutt · December 18, 2021 ·
Dear Holiday Shoppers…
Seriously? How could you? Honestly, I have never been so disappointed in a collective group of people in my life. My faith in humanity may never be the same.
Let me explain…
It was a Saturday in mid-December and I had just arrived at the mall for a few precious hours of Christmas shopping without the kids. I started out at my favorite place, the bookstore. I bought a couple of books, used the “facilities” as their bathroom is usually the cleanest (I keep track of these things), then continued on my merry way.
My next stop was Forever 21. And ok, maybe I get why YOU guys didn’t say anything. I mean, you’re all basically in high school and you probably didn’t look up from your phones long enough to notice me. And even if you had, the awkwardness of the situation would have been too much for your teenage brains to handle. So if I was going to forgive anyone, I guess it would be you.
I moved on to the bath and body store. A store full of fellow women, for Pete’s sake. The lines were so long. How many of you were behind me…20? 30? But NOT ONE of you approached me. It would only have taken a small gesture on your part to save me any further shame.
I stopped at the personalization kiosk. And, Mr. Personalization, we actually chatted, you and me. I told you my kids’ names. I mean, I guess it was so you could put them on the ornament I was buying, but still…I felt like we were friends. But even you said nothing.
And so I continued, totally oblivious, through the jam-packed mall, unaware of the trail of destruction in my wake. And when I was done, I loaded my bags into the car and drove home, never the wiser. I walked in the door and my husband came over to greet me.
“Hey J…how was the mall?”
I turned around and closed the front door.
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks. “Oh. My. God.” he whispered, his eyes wide. “NO! You DIDN’T! All through the MALL? Oh my God.”
And now, dear mall shoppers, let me give you a little piece of friendly advice: When someone has spinach in their teeth, it is good manners to discreetly tell them. When someone’s pants zipper is down, they would appreciate you letting them know.
And when someone is walking around a crowded mall in December WITH A TWO FOOT TRAIN OF TOILET PAPER HANGING OFF OF THEIR Tush, you should DEFINITELY, absolutely, unconditionally, SAY SOMETHING.
Sincerely,
One Mortified Mom (who will only shop online from here on out)
P.S. Second only to my amazement of not a single person alerting me to this horror, is the fact that there is a brand of toilet paper out there so incredibly strong that it can handle intense mall crowds as well as getting into and out of a vehicle without so much as a tear. darn bookstore and their fancy triple-ply paper.
**
Mot: -- Pooooor ole Santa! ~~~
Mot: ~~ oooooooh I Can Relate fer Sure! ~~~
Mot: -- What if it was -- ""Three Wise Women"" ~~~
Mot: -- Insight Raising the ""Wee Folks"" during the Holidaze! ~~~
Mot: -- just a Great ""Winter"" Scene fer Ya! ~~~
Mot: Mary, Did You Know? - Pentatonix....................
Tuesday Evening Update with MarkZ 12-14-2021
.Tuesday Evening News with MarkZ 12/14/2021
Some highlights by PDK-Not verbatim
MarkZ Disclaimer: Please consider everything on this call as my opinion. People who take notes do not catch everything and its best to watch the video so that you get everything in context. Be sure to consult a professional for any financial decisions
Member: GE Mark Z and everyone! hopefully we get the green light tonight!
Member: Evening MarkZ, Thank You as always for all the latest news and RV Updates, We are all so Blessed to be part of this coming Redemption/ Exchange.
MZ: We are still sitting here in anticipation guys…..I believe they are setting us up as the perfect storm comes together with economic indicators. ….
MZ: Whales arriving via private jets tells me we are very close and on the verge of it…..
Tuesday Evening News with MarkZ 12/14/2021
Some highlights by PDK-Not verbatim
MarkZ Disclaimer: Please consider everything on this call as my opinion. People who take notes do not catch everything and its best to watch the video so that you get everything in context. Be sure to consult a professional for any financial decisions
Member: GE Mark Z and everyone! hopefully we get the green light tonight!
Member: Evening MarkZ, Thank You as always for all the latest news and RV Updates, We are all so Blessed to be part of this coming Redemption/ Exchange.
MZ: We are still sitting here in anticipation guys…..I believe they are setting us up as the perfect storm comes together with economic indicators. ….
MZ: Whales arriving via private jets tells me we are very close and on the verge of it…..
Member: Having folks fly into position is good news... So its not a nothing burger.... This is a process to have folks in place to process quickly... Move this before the end of the year...
MZ: For those that paid attention to Kuwait. Those that paid attention in China when they did their last revaluation. Iraq Article headline:” The central bank announces a preparation of the study of the currency structure project and warns about changing the exchange rate “
MZ: So here we are in Iraq on December 14th and they are warning against changing the rate….yet…they are throwing out to wait for another year or so. Maybe in 2022 or 2023??? But don’t panic guys.
MZ: in Kuwait on the morning they revalued they ran a similar article on how they simply were not prepared. In China they did their last major revaluation in the 90’s. They came out with huge articles for 3 days that they were not going to revalue their currency…then they did it.
MZ: To me that Iraq article is a classic misdirection coming from the central bank. They have been very busy educating the Iraqi people on the lower denominations and rate changes..and now they come out with an “international” story like this. …I think this is a fantastic piece for us to see. We expected to see this news as soon as it was ready to rip…….
MZ: Another good article today: “Davos is creating the new role for Gold in central banks” White hats have been aggregating gold to go to a gold standard and to crush the great reset .
MZ: Article: “Global currency debasement problem is making citizens poorer. “ With their manipulating and overprinting they are making us all poorer.
MZ: Zerohedge Article : “4.3 trillion reasons to be nervous into Friday’s options expiration” Massive options are ending this Friday. There are no provisions for it right now.
MZ: IMO They are setting us up, pulling us into this. They are setting up this week to have the event that we have been waiting for …I’m pretty stinkin excited right now.
Member: Over the last 5 years we’ve had so many “big events “ what event can we be waiting for?
Member: I hope it’s the big crash so the world could start over……
MZ: Yes, the market crash is the event I am waiting for. We have been told they were going to do it one of two ways. And to expect a crash either way. In the hard way there would be a large crash that would force the issue or a good way and a softer crash with the market readjusting and correcting. .
MZ: it appears the black hats have fought themselves into a corner and are getting cleaned out.
Member: Definitely looks like the hard way with a large crash now.
Member: Nancy Drew says she thinks something is going down at the Capital today.
Member: So tomorrow is the date of the corporate default. They always wait for the last second. Hopefully this is the end of the game playing.
Member: Saw that the Senate passed debt ceiling increase
MZ: We are setting up for a tremendous economic storm this week.
Member: it's hard to see that we are any moment when F&Ps aren't paid and no news on D1 and D2 which without these it will not happen. Any news on these Mark or Mods?
MZ: We hear it will all release at almost the same time…..within moments of the rest of it.
Member: this may be counter productive… however am I the only one that get more and more non believing as the longer this goes on?
Member: Be patient Dear Ones, this will happen. There are always set backs. They have been planning this for decades. Some of us have been waiting that long too.
Member: Crossing my fingers, toes, arms and eyes for this to happen....................
Member: when 4b starts...your call is important to us, please remain on the line and the next available operator will take your call in the order it was received.
Member: Hope we make that call really soon.
Member: Looking forward to great news tomorrow for sure…….
Please listen to replay for all the information
The next stream is tomorrow at 10Am est……..unless.
"Ready...Set...WHOA!!" By Dr. Dinar
.From Recaps Archives
Thank you Dr. Dinar
READY... SET... WHOA! by Dr. Dinar
As we approach the end of the year, the one phrase we continue to hear over and over again is "Everybody's ready, everything's in place, we're simply waiting for the GO signal."
There's only one problem. We've been hearing that very same phrase for the past 2 or 3 years.
I don't know about you but I've lost quite a bit of faith in that statement.
Actually, more than just a bit.
As a matter of fact, I've pretty much filed that phrase under the same category as "Sooner than later" and "We're in the window".
The category starts with an "M"... for Meaningless.
And as much as we continually hear there haven't been any delays, the longer this continues to drag out the less I believe in that statement.
If I have to hear about the horses waiting anxiously in the starting gate one more time, I'm going to open up my own Glue Factory.
From Recaps Archives
Thank you Dr. Dinar
READY... SET... WHOA! by Dr. Dinar
As we approach the end of the year, the one phrase we continue to hear over and over again is "Everybody's ready, everything's in place, we're simply waiting for the GO signal."
There's only one problem. We've been hearing that very same phrase for the past 2 or 3 years.
I don't know about you but I've lost quite a bit of faith in that statement.
Actually, more than just a bit.
As a matter of fact, I've pretty much filed that phrase under the same category as "Sooner than later" and "We're in the window".
The category starts with an "M"... for Meaningless.
And as much as we continually hear there haven't been any delays, the longer this continues to drag out the less I believe in that statement.
If I have to hear about the horses waiting anxiously in the starting gate one more time, I'm going to open up my own Glue Factory.
Well, I would but I'd need to exchange some IQD first. So I guess that will have to wait.
You get the point. Things can only be "ready to go" for so long before they're no longer ready to go.
Does that mean the plan has changed? That sounds a bit more plausible.
For as many decades as this traveling Circus has been on the road it's easy to believe there have been more than a few delays along the way.
Some they could plan for. Others, not so much.
Again, with a never before attempted task as monumental as the GCR, easily understandable.
For example, how many times have you set up your Saturday morning schedule of chores only to just get started and first thing outta the gate, blindsided by the unforseen.
That's life. Regardless of how well you've planned, things rarely, if ever, go as planned.
For example, let's say your goal for the weekend is to begin your Saturday by mowing the lawn and straight outta the gate, the lawnmower won't start.
Sure enough, it's out of gas. Next stop, the garage to grab a nearby gas can (one of seven or so waiting patiently on the shelf as this is not a new experience).
Wouldn't you know it, it's empty as well. So it's off to the gas station you go.
Upon arrival, you immediately see that your "fave" pump is clear and it's gonna be your day.
Only one small problem. Reaching for your debit card you instantly discover you've forgotten your wallet.
Easy to understand as only a crazy person mows the lawn with their wallet in their cargo shorts pocket.
Nobody wants to mistakenly mow down their wallet, completely shredding everything inside.
Jumping in your car, it's back home you go.
Fortunately you only live a couple miles away.
Knowing you'll be back in a flash, this is really no big deal and should only set you back a half hour or so.
After all, you've been mapping out the entire scenario in your mind all the way home. No worries, you got this.
Upon arriving home, you run in the house knowing all too well just exactly where your wallet is.
Your default spot, where it always is.
Running in the house, it's off to your dresser you go.
It's THE spot for your wallet. Been that way for longer than you can remember.
Well, not this time. Not on top of the dresser.
Not behind the dresser. Not in a top drawer. Not anywhere.
It's gone. Just plain gone. So much for your so called plan. Now what.
That plan just went out the "everybody's ready, everything's in place, just waiting for the GO signal" window.
Whispering (okay, screaming) in your head "Think, you idiot... THINK! Where could that dang thing be!"
It has to be here somewhere. "Ohhh, that's right. Now I remember!"
It quickly dawns on you that you ordered a pizza last night and needed your wallet to tip the delivery guy.
Heading to the living room, knowing it has to be sitting on the table by the front door, on top of the TV, the coffee table, one of those three spots.
It's guaranteed to be there, just like the 30 minute delivery guarantee. It's good as gold.
Or is it. Scouting around, you're still not seeing it. But you know it's close and you'll find it sooner than later.
Under the couch. Behind the TV. That would be a double NO.
Okay, think. Where could it be.
Doing your best not to get too stressed, you already know the last place you used it. To tip the delivery driver.
So you got that goin' for you, which is nice.
Now all you have to do is find it. Between the couch cushions? Nope. In the car keys bowl by the front door? Another nope.
In the pocket of the sweatshirt you were wearing last night when you went to pay the driver? Again, nope.
Okay, now it's getting to be more than a bit stressful.
Looking at the clock you quickly realize that you're already over an hour past your scheduled time for completing the mow job and you've yet to get started.
But you've still got time and you'll be back on track before you know it.
All these missing wallet problems far behind you.
Telling yourself to calm down isn't working.
So what's the next best thing to bring down your heart rate? Food.
Yep, a "search snack" of some sort. Works every time.
Guaranteed to take your mind off the situation and help you to relax.
And what's better than "day after" pizza. Ummm... nothing!
It's almost as if this whole experience was meant to be.
Rushing to the fridge, knowing you still have half a pizza remaining from last nights delivery, it's off to pizza nirvana you go.
As you grab the box, more than ready to dive on in, what's that staring you right in the face.
No flippin' way. How can that be. It can't, but yet, it is.
Yes, it's your wallet. The very same wallet you've been searching everywhere for over the past 45 minutes.
Then it all comes flooding back.
Shortly before putting the box of uneaten pizza in the fridge, you couldn't help but grab one last slice and as your hands were full, you plopped your wallet down on the box as you began chomping away.
Phew, mystery solved. Time to call off Jim Rockford, his services won't be needed here.
Feeling as if you deserve a Finders Fee, a reward of some sort, for finding your wallet, you can't help but grab a slice before you quickly scramble out the door, jump in your car and head back to the gas station.
Doing your best not to get too down on yourself for this stupid mistake, knowing it was only a two hour setback, all has not been lost
You still have plenty of time to mow the lawn.
Wallet in your pocket, all you have to do is grab a couple gallons of gas and you'll be home and mowin' away in no time.
Pulling in the gas station driveway and seeing your fave pump is once again wide open, it's a sure sign you'll be out of there and back home in no time.
Swiping your debit card and punching in your PIN, everything's ready to go.
Oops, forgot to grab the gas can. Rookie mistake.
Easily understandable as it's not like you have to do this last minute scramble to the gas station every week.
Walking around to the back of your car, opening the trunk, reaching for the gas can and BAM, it's not there.
Say WHAT!?! I know I brought it. I had it in my hands the first time I was here.
Then it dawns on you that yes, you did indeed have it in your hands the first time you were there.
And you set it down next to the pump prior to realizing that you'd forgotten your wallet.
And in your haste to rush home to grab your wallet, you left the gas can sitting by the pump.
Your first thought is "If I ever catch the guy that stole it I'll..." but calming yourself, you decide to head on inside the Gas-N-Go in hopes it was found by some kind soul and returned, knowing you'd be returning for it soon.
No such luck. And even worse, the clerk informs you that they're currently out of gas cans as they've had a run on them as of late.
That's when it hits you. You've been down this road before.
Hence the other half dozen gas cans sitting empty on the shelf in the garage, one of which you'd be grabbing before you headed back to the station for the third time.
No sweat, third time's the charm.
Heading back to your car, shaking your head in defeat, wondering how could all of your plans have gone so wrong, you decide to top off your tank.
After all, you've already submitted your card, not much more of a delay.
Might as well make the best of a bad situation. At least it will save you a trip later on in the week.
Click... click... click. $1.43 later, your tank is full and you're good to go.
Okay, so you filled up a couple days ago and didn't really need this trip to the station after all.
But you did need your wallet. And if it wasn't for this whole fiasco playing out the way it did, who knows how long it would've taken you to find it.
Let alone to even realize it was missing. At least not until what's sure to be a rather stressful Monday morning thanks to today's plans falling through.
Thank you Universe, you done good. Well, good enough anyway.
All the way home you're working out your Plan C for the rest of the day.
Sure, you're behind schedule by about 4 hours but there's still time to get back to your house, grab a gas can, rush back to the gas station, and make it back home again in time to mow the lawn.
Woo Hoo, all is not lost after all. You got this!
Almost home, rounding the corner, Dangit! You've gotta be kidding me!
Pulling in your driveway you can't help but notice that your auto-sprinklers are on full blast and your lawn is completely soaked.
Which, as anybody that's ever mowed a lawn knows, is the number one "No Go" signal for mowing the lawn.
Which is also the reason why you needed to get an early morning start in the first place. In order to beat the sprinklers.
So much for all your Saturday plans. The lawn will never be dry before dark. Looks like you'll have to give it another go tomorrow.
Oh wait, no can do. You already made plans to have friends over to watch football. Better make plans for next Saturday instead.
Now, what to do with the rest of your Saturday since all of your plans have been cancelled.
Looks like it's going to be an afternoon chillaxin' on the couch with a few slices of leftover pizza.
Sitting there, you begin to reflect on this whole GCR thing and can't help but wonder if this is what's going on with those hard working guys and gals back at GCR Headquarters.
Perhaps they're experiencing these same glitches, continually making plans, only to have them fall through time and time again.
Can't be something as stupid as them simply forgetting to wind the GCR Clock. Or can it?
Naw, chances are the QFS is now in charge of the GCR Clock along with all of its other duties.
One would also think they have a backup plan as well, just in case their original clock goes cuckoo.
And what about all of the people rumored to be waiting "on hold" at some 7,000 Exchange Centers across the country. They have to be pretty sick and tired of leftover pizza by now.
Any way you choose to look at it, at least you know there are many others who share your frustration of endless plans being cancelled.
At this point the only thing you know for certain is you're guaranteed to have the best Christmas ever.
And by the time your family and friends arrive for the holidays you're going to have the best looking lawn on the block.
That is, of course, unless you run out of gas and have to make alternate plans.
If that happens, then all bets are off.
Hang in there folks. We're getting closer with each passing day and before you know it you'll be ever so grateful that you never gave up.
Sincerely,
Dr. Dinar
Disclaimer; I'm not a Wealth Manager, Financial Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, RV/GCR Committee member, or a horse jockey. I'm simply someone that chooses to believe in the power of positive thinking and on the odd chance this thing truly is real, I want to make sure I'm there at the finish line to enjoy it.
Humerous Holiday Anecdotes From Mot at TNT Tuesday Night 12-7-2021
.TNT:
Mot: The Christmas Doll from Santa !!!!.............
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
TNT:
Mot: The Christmas Doll from Santa !!!!.............
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' “You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.
To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.
My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'
'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut.
'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.
'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health..
I can't wait until next Christmas
Mot: Why It's Impossible To Have A Christmas Party In 2021.............
Christmas Party
December 1...To All Employees
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will be held on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band will play traditional carols...feel free to sing-along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree.
Exchanging gifts among employees can be done at this time. Please remember to keep gifts to the agreed $10 limit.
Merry Christmas to you and yours,
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
____________________________________________
December 2...To All Employees
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday and often coincides with Christmas (although not this year). However, from now on we're calling this party our Holiday Party. The same policy also applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no tree or Christmas songs sung.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
_____________________________________________
December 3...To All Employees
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate your request but please remember that if I put a sign on the table that reads "AA Only" you won't be anonymous any more.
In addition, we'll no longer be having a gift exchange because union members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
_____________________________________________
December 7...To All Employees
I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest away from the dessert table and for pregnant members to sit closest to the restrooms. Gays are of course allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gays; each group will have its own table. And, yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
________________________________________________
December 9...To All Employees
People! People! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus. Even if the anagram for "Santa" does happen to be "Satan." There is no evil connation to our own little "man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
_____________________________________________________
December 10...To All Employees
Vegetarians! I've had it with you people. We're holding this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You can just sit at the table farthest from the "Grill of Death" as you call it, and you'll get salad bar only including hydroponics tomatoes. Tomatoes have feelings too, you know. They scream when you slice them. I can hear them now. I hope you have a rotten holiday. Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The **** from Hell
____________________________________________
December 14...To All Employees
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
Mot: ~~~ Ya KNow That ""List"" ~~~
Holiday Tidbits From Recaps Archives
.HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Adventure With Grandma*
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I
remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big
sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even
dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day
because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told
the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier
when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I knew they were
world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her
everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she snorted. "Ridiculous!
Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes
me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second
world-famous, cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General
Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we
walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle
in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it.
I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.
I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but
never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and
crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For
a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill,
wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.
I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the
kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker.
He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs.Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out for recess
during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he
had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, and
he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement.
I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm,
and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.
"Yes," I replied shyly. "It's .... for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and
ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible)
and wrote on the package, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" -- Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy.
Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept
noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk Then Grandma gave me
a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on
his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and
Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door
to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering,
beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that
those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they
were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.
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