Saturday Night "Chuckles" Posted by Mot at TNT 1-15-2022

Chats and RumorsHumor

Jan 15

Written By Deb Aspinwall

TNT:

Mot: Things that took me 50 years to learn

By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of it's glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle...

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens ... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

11. Never lick a steak knife.

12. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

13. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. Your friends love you anyway.

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Mot: "THE HUSBAND STORE"

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. "You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building."

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On each floor the signs on the doors read:

FLOOR 1 - These men have jobs.

FLOOR 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

FLOOR 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:

FLOOR 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:

FLOOR 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

FLOOR 6 - You are visitor 3,261,496,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. 😄

(Author Unknown)

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Mot: -- Yeppers!! - I Agreeeeee ~~~