Mot:  ...... Hysterical Diary of “the Snow Shoveler”

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again! What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man - I'm glad he's our neighbor.

TNT:

Mot:  The Little Angel on the Top of the Christmas Tree!

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

.TNT:

Mot:  The Computer is Gender Confused

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

'"House" in French, is feminine - "la maison", while "pencil" in French is masculine - "le crayon."'

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher thought it would be a good exercise to have the students decide what they thought the gender should be.

 So she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

Breaking News From The North Pole! by Dr. Dinar

From Recaps Archives

Just when I think I’ve heard it all, look what comes scrolling across my television screen.

I mean, you just can’t make this stuff up. Or can you.

What with all this fake news floating ’round out there, one can never be 100% certain.

Of anything. Especially what comes out in today’s mainstream media.

Yet, low and behold, there it was. Right before my eyes.

Mot: At age 29, she was a single mother living on welfare .....

At age 17, she was rejected from college.

At age 25, her mother died from disease.

At age 26, she suffered a miscarriage.

At age 27, she got married.

Her husband abused her. Despite this, her daughter was born.

At age 28, she got divorced and was diagnosed with severe depression.

At age 29, she was a single mother living on welfare.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

Mot: Lady: How much would you like for a tip? .....

This week has already been a lot on me and today at work I’m waiting on my tables the same as I always do.

I proceeded to check this table out and the lady asks

Lady: How much would you like for a tip?

Me: Whatever you give me is fine.

Lady: what do you need?

Me: Nothing

Man with the lady: How old are you?

TNT:

Mot: "That's a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? .....

A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce...

The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have Wi-Fi."

The driver of the Kia says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Kia says, "That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Kia!"

TNT:

Mot: A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and run down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then, the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room. "What in God's name is wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 68 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"

The new doctor continued to write and without looking up, asked . . "Does she still have hiccups?"