"Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT
TNT:
Mot: "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."
An Englishman, and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.
The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
The Englishman says to the Scotsman, "You see how clever I am? I snitched 3 cookies and put them in my pocket and the baker didn't even notice." You'll never beat that!"
The Scotsman says to the Englishman, "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious but he gives the cookie to him. The Scotsman eats that one too. Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie."
The baker is getting angry now but gives him another cookie anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?"
The Scotsman says, "Look in the Englishman's pocket"
************
Mot: Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the………
When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal;
-Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.
Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.
With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced;
-We have a brave winner.
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
-I didn't jump, someone pushed me!
His wife smiled ...
Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."
Mot: Uh oh………
Mot: I’LL LIVE WITH MY KIDS
When I'm an old man, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
When I'm an old man and live with my kids.
**
I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
When I'm an old man and live with my kids.
**
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry I'll run if I'm able!
When I'm an old man and live with my kids.
**
I'll sit close to the TV, through channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
When I'm an old man and live with my kids.
**
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "He’s so sweet when he's sleeping!"
***********
Mot: ... Yet Even More Hints on that Diet Thingy! ~~
