.TNT:

Mot: . the Cardiologist and Motorcycle mechanic ......

So… A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc can I ask you a question?” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it while it’s running.”

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

TNT:

Mot: ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

.TNT:

Mot: ”Proud mom moment! Big hearted employee

Matthew worked this evening and a homeless gentlemen walked in the restaurant with .50 cents and asked if there was anything on the menu he could buy.

Matthew asked him what he would order if he could and the man said anything would help his hunger pains. So Matthew rung him up for a hearty meal and then used his own debit card to pay for the mans meal. He handed him the receipt and told him to relax and take a seat.

The story could end there and It would be a happy ending, but apparently a women watched my son during his random act of kindness. Not only did she write the company to let them know about the caring employee they had working for them, she also rewarded my son with a very generous tip!

.TNT:

GoldPeg9: Government Employees

Bob and Ray, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking
up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole", said Bob, "But we don't have a ladder."

The woman said, "Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox."She loosened a few bolts, then laid the pole down. She then took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement and announced,
"Eighteen feet, six inches" and walked away.

Ray shook his head and laughed. "Well, ain't that just like a 'Miss-know-it-all' woman?" he said. "We need the height and she gives us the length!"

Bob and Ray are still working for the Government.

.Laws not taught in physics class.

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

.Written by Kids!!

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

.This is priceless....lol...Happy Fathers Day

The following came from an anonymous parent in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.

.TNT:

Mot: IT Help Desk Problem Request (From Recaps Archives)

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her partner) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

.Humor While We Wait:

HOW ASPARAGUS GOT ITS NAME

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. Here is what he wrote;

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.