.Send In The Replacements! by Dr. Dinar

Let's face it... we've all done it.

At least to some extent.

By "it" I'm referring to fudging just the slightest bit on a job application.

Or four.

Adding just a lil' "extra" somewhere on our resumés.

Whether it be delivering pizza's or piloting the Space Shuttle, it never hurts to be the best you can be.

Or even better than that, if possible.

Even if it's only on paper.

If not, our work history would be exceedingly boring.

.Humor While We wait…..From Markz’s Chat

Sabickford: I'll tell you why I can't lose Weight. I've got Metal Fillings in my teeth and the Refrigerator Magnets keep pulling me into the Kitchen.

I May not have lost all of my marbles just yet, but there is definitely a small hole in the bag somewhere.

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty. If you see me laughing, I've done it already.

I told my Job that 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise. My Boss asked what companies? I said Power, Electric, and Gas.

Confuse your Doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

.When Dogs Can Fly by Dr. Dinar

Well, they did say it would get crazy at the end.

And if you don't think things are getting crazy, then you're living in an entirely different reality than I am.

Although I will admit it's been crazy for quite some time now.

Like about the last 10 years or so.

At least that's the way it seems anyway.

And we were always hoping it was the end but alas, it wasn't.

Nope, not even close to the end.

Humor While We wait

Sabickford: Whoever said "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

Me: I thought Juice Cleanses were good for you. Doctor: Drinking Mimosa's and Bloody Mary's for three days straight aren't a Juice Cleanse.

I accidentally wore a red shirt into Target today and to make a long story short, This Saturday I'm covering for Debbie.

Due to rising costs, dirty deeds are no longer done dirt cheap. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Starbucks is planning on selling Beer and Wine. Apparently it's almost impossible to sell a sober person a $12 cup of coffee.

Humor While We Wait:

Sabickford: Ignorance can be trained and Crazy can be medicated… But there's no cure for stupid.

You know nothing about a woman until she is drunk and mad at you

I don 't like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what come's out of my mouth.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect

I know what women want. They want you to drag them to the bedroom, throw them on the bed, and do dirty dishes while they take a nap.

It's a SCIENTIFIC Fact: Never tell a woman that she's crazy unless you really want to see crazy.

Humor while we wait.

Those Questions No One Can Answer

Why does rain drop and snow falls?

What disease did cured ham have?

What's the difference between unique and very unique?

When do you become important enough to be considered assassinated and not just murdered?

.From Recaps Archives

Humor While We Wait:

Sabickford: Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

The best revenge is massive success

Even Duct Tape Can't Fix Stupid - But it Can Muffle the Sound

When someone asks what I did over the weekend I squint and ask "Why what did you hear?

.Happy Mothers Day to all the moms (Dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents ect....) reading this.....hope it makes you smile.....

A Mother's Dictionary

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.

.From Recaps Archives …..Humor while we wait

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico.

Man Gets Selected To Be A Judge At A Chili Cook-Off.

"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in...

I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

You know you're a redneck Jedi when..

You hear "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

You ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.