More Humor While We Are Still Waiting....Might as Well Laugh!

Humor While We Wait:

Sabickford:  Ignorance can be trained and Crazy can be medicated… But there's no cure for stupid.

You know nothing about a woman until she is drunk and mad at you

I don 't like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what come's out of my mouth.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect

I know what women want. They want you to drag them to the bedroom, throw them on the bed, and do dirty dishes while they take a nap.

It's a SCIENTIFIC Fact: Never tell a woman that she's crazy unless you really want to see crazy.

Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone or have been affected by someone who needs a smack upside the head. Let's raise awareness.

My Parents Spanked me as a Child. As a result I now suffer a psychological condition known as "Respect For Others".

The phrase "Ignore is and it will go away." does not apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars. Trust me on this one.

Here's my resignation from adulthood. From now on all decisions will be made by rock, paper, scissors, and all arguments will be handled by sticking my tongue out at the other person…..

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

Being a man is being able to do what I want when I want and not having to … Hell She's coming!!! To be continued.

f I was a JEDI there would be 100% chance that I would use the force inappropriately

I spent my entire childhood wishing that I was older. Now that I'm older this stuff sucks.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions

I 've been hiding from exercise. I'm in a fitness protection program.

Old People at weddings always poke me and say "You're Next!" So I started doing the same thing to them at Funerals.

I'm the kind of friend that will help you hide a dead body. But if you Betray me, remember I know how to hide a dead body.

The cashier said Strip down, facing me. How was I to know she meant my debit card?

If you say "GULLIBLE" slowly it sounds like "ORANGES" (You did it didn't you)

More Humor While we wait:  From Recaps Archives

Subject: PLACES TO RETIRE
 
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where

1.  You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2.  You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3.  You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4.  You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5.  You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6.  The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
 
OR

You can retire to California where...

1.  You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2.  The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3.  You know how to eat an artichoke.
4.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 
5.  The four seasons are:  Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...

1   You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.  You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5.  You've worn out a car horn.  (IF you have a car.)
6.  You think eye contact is an act of aggression

OR

You can retire to Wisconsin where...

1.  You only have three spices:  salt, pepper and ketchup.
2.  Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3.  You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5.  The four seasons are:  almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair. 
6.  The highest level of criticism is "He is different,"  "She is different," or "It was different!"
7.  A five foot blonde who weighs 180 lbs is considered anorexic.
 
 OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...

1.  You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2  "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3.  "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4.  Everyone has two first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5.  Everything is either:  "in yonder,"  "over yonder"  or "out yonder."
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart" at the end!
 OR

You can move to Colorado where...

1.  You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2.  You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3.  A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4.  The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...  

1.  You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2.  Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3.  You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4.  You end sentences with a preposition;  "Where's my coat at?" 
 
OR

FINALLY you can retire to Florida where...

1.  You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.  All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3.  Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4.  Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5.  Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
 
OR just stay where you are and complain about the same thing you complain about everyday..lol