"Humor While We Wait" By Sabickford 7-27-2021

Humor While We wait…..From Markz’s Chat

Sabickford:  I'll tell you why I can't lose Weight. I've got Metal Fillings in my teeth and the Refrigerator Magnets keep pulling me into the Kitchen.

I May not have lost all of my marbles just yet, but there is definitely a small hole in the bag somewhere.

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty. If you see me laughing, I've done it already.

I told my Job that 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise. My Boss asked what companies? I said Power, Electric, and Gas.

Confuse your Doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

If you could read my mind you'd back away slowly - Then run for your life!

I'll have a Café Mocha Vodka Valium Latte to go Please.

Out of all my body parts my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 342 times a day.

My body is a Temple. Ancient and Crumbling. Probably Cursed or Haunted.

It takes real skill to Choke on air, fall up stairs, and trip over completely nothing. I Have that skill.

Technically If you don't cut a cake and eat the whole thing with a fork, you still only had one piece.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with. She said yes - all the others were nines and tens….

When your Happy and you know it - It's Your Meds!!

Good Morning to Everyone, except those people who don't gain weight when they eat whatever they want.

Tomorrow is National stay at home with your dog and drink wine day. It's nothing official, I made it up. Tell the others.

There's no need to drive me crazy. I'm close enough to Walk!

Say no to Childhood Obesity! Eat your children's chocolate eggs now!

I've reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

I thought the Dryer made my clothes shrink, Turns out it was the refrigerator.

I want to lose weight, But I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat Right and Exercise" Scams.

Behind every Angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong!

Normal is Overrated. I will see your crazy and raise you demented.

Last night, my neighbor came home drunk & banged on his own door for 5 Min. Problem is, he lives alone. I went over and told him He wasn't there, so he left.

Just once in my life I'd like to see a liars pants catch on fire.

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, You are probably holding the Taser wrong.

Food for Thought - Wouldn't it be ironic if Popeye's Chicken were fried in Olive Oil?

I want a closed casket Funeral. However, towards the end of the service I want the organist to play "Pop Goes the Weasel" over and over until everyone in attendance is staring at my coffin with silent, horrified anticipation.

A guy wants a divorce. He tell the judge, "I just can't take it anymore. Every night she's out until way after Midnight just going from Bar to Bar." Judge Asks, "What's she doing?" The guy answers, "Looking for me."

I asked my Grandpa, "After 65 years you still call Grandma Darling, Beautiful, and Honey. What's the secret?" He said "I Forgot her name 5 Years ago and I'm Afraid to ask her!"

Life was simpler when Apple and Blackberry were Just Fruits and the Amazon was just a River

Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a very bad idea.

I was watching this guy who apparently forgot where he parked his car. He kept putting his remote in the air, and every time he squeezed it …I honked my horn.

Crap! Now the voices in my head have learned Sign Language

Did you know on the Canary Islands There is not one Canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same Thing - Not one Canary There.

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 sec. in my head, That'll freak you right out!!!

To the teenager who flipped me off for honking at them, Your Cell Phone is on top of your car!

If you look close enough, that High Horse some people are riding is actually a Donkey!

Before you try to hurt my feelings, Take into account that I don't have any, and you probably do.

I've been A lot of places but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've never been in Cognito either. I hear nobody recognizes you there. I have however been in Sane, They don't have a airport there, you have to be driven. I have made several Trips.

After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV. Apparently this is unacceptable in Bowling.

You are dust and will return to dust…That's why I don't dust. It might be someone I Know.

When a Woman says "Correct me if I'm Wrong." Do not under any, I mean ANY Circumstances do it!!

There are so many scams on the Internet these days....but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them

Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window.

I want to go to IKEA, hide in a wardrobe, wait for someone to open it and yell "WELCOME TO NARNIA".

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

That mmoent you mqke a post and u relise that u speled half the words rong and u lok stupid.

I send flowers "From Steve" to my neighbors wife every Friday Night, then watch them fight from my living room windows eating popcorn.

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: “Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”.

So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.

Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket. You know you're not gonna win, but you're sure as hell gonna try.