"Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT Sunday Night

Humor

Mar 6

TNT:

Mot: They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…......

My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...

~~~~~~~

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

~~~~~~

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

~~~~~~

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

~~~~~~

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with a co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee.....

~~~~~~

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....

************

Mot: WHAT IT MEANS TO BE IN AN IRISH FAMILY........

1) You will never play professional basketball.

2) You swear very well.

3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral
home owner or holds political office. And you have at least one aunt
who is a nun or an uncle who is a priest.

4) You think you sing very well.

5) There isn't a big difference between you losing your temper and
killing someone.

6) Many of your childhood meals were boiled. Instant potatoes were a
mortal sin.

7) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer.

8) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.

9) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or
Eileen...and there is at least one member of your family with the full
name...Mary Catherine Eileen

10) Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you.

11) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing.

12) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your
last keg party.

13) You are, or know someone, named Murph.

14) If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac. If you don't know
Murph or Mac, then you must know Sully.

15) 'Irish Stew' is a euphemism for 'boiled leftovers.'

16) Your skin's ability to tan.... ah....not so much.

17) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included some form
of whiskey.

18) There is no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at
least........Forty-Five minutes.

19) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives. who are not
speaking to each other.........Not fighting, mind you, just not
speaking to each other.

Mot: Two Women from Ireland ...

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while one looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland .

The other woman responds proudly, “Yes, I sure am!”

The first one says, “So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?

The other woman answers, “I’m from St. John’s , I am.”

The first one responds, “So, am I! And what street did you live on?”

The other woman says, “A lovely little area it was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.”

The first one says, “Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?”

The other woman answers, “Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.”

The first one gets really excited and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”

The other woman answers, “Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.”

The first woman exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight. Can you believe it! I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self.

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”