87 Best Retirement Quotes: Including Funny, Short and Inspirational

87 Best Retirement Quotes: Including Funny, Short and Inspirational

Personal Finance - Janice Friedman - May 28, 2019

Do you ever think about your golden years after you leave your career? Here are some juicy retirement quotes that will help you think more about it in a different way.

Are you ready to retire? A mention of the word retirement automatically provokes many thoughts to people around. Some think of the graceful age where you enjoy all that you’ve been working for, whereas some only think of problems.

Still, some may not even want to picture it out of fear of the old age and also the loss of that fulfilling career. Various retirement quotes can change your perspective about retirement and maybe paint a different lovely picture.

Whichever the case, retirement should be happy, fulfilling, as well as healthy life later after you have saved enough to sustain you for the rest of your life.

For me, when I think of retirement, I can’t manage to think of anything less than a happy, relaxing, wealthy life full of vacations.  The hard work and painful savings of the youthful years ought to pay fully for that comfortable retirement.

List of the Best Retirement Quotes

I have compiled a good number of words of wisdom or better, what I like to call the best retirement quotes that will brighten your day.  This list of retirement quotes has been compiled from various people whose words of wisdom couldn’t go unnoticed.

Inspirational Retirement Quotes

1. “Just because you are getting older and have retired doesn’t mean that you should have less confidence in your abilities. Think about the experience and knowledge that you have gained by all the years you have worked” -Theodore W. Higginsworth

2. “Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” – Gene Perret

3. “Planning to retire? Before you do, find your hidden passion. Do the thing that you have always wanted to do.” – Catherine Pulsifer

4. “Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can’t retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time.” – Bernard Baruch 

5. “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” – Lyrics from “Closing Time” by Semisonic

6. “What does retirement mean now that there are so many opportunities for learning, for caring, for serving? We can redefine aging.” – Rachel Cowan, Wise Aging

7. “Retirement is a new beginning, and that means closing the book on one chapter to begin the next.” Sid Miramontes, Retirement: Your New Beginning

8. “Retirement gives you the time literally to recreate yourself through a sport, game, or hobby that you always wanted to try or that you haven’t done in years.” – Price, Stephen D.

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Breaking News From the North Pole by Dr. Dinar

Breaking News From The North Pole! by Dr. Dinar

From Recaps Archives

Just when I think I’ve heard it all, look what comes scrolling across my television screen.

I mean, you just can’t make this stuff up. Or can you.

What with all this fake news floating ’round out there, one can never be 100% certain.

Of anything. Especially what comes out in today’s mainstream media.

Yet, low and behold, there it was. Right before my eyes.

While watching the latest episode of As The Dinar World Turns what should happen to pop up on my front screen but this amazingly unexpected Breaking News alert.

To say it caught my attention is a huge understatement.

In fact, if I hadn’t seen it myself it’s highly doubtful I’d be gullible enough to take someone’s word for it.

Fortunately I was able to capture this screenshot before it disappeared because as we know all too well, when certain super-sensitive info happens to slip through the cracks, somehow reaching the surface, it’s equally as quickly removed from existence, never to be seen or spoken of again.

Apparently, according to popular rumor, our bright-nosed buddy Rudolph, after who knows how many years of extremely dedicated, uninterrupted service, has given his notice.

As in his two week, tell HR to cancel my 401K, never to punch a time clock again notice.

Yes, the very same Rudolph that has spent nearly his entire life circling the globe, helping a certain special someone spread joy throughout the world.

Now, let’s think about this for a second.

What is Rudolph best known for.

Yep, using his oh so bright nose to lead a certain well known individual from country to country, house to house, chimney to chimney, all throughout the entire global community.

And who might this well known individual be that Rudy’s been helping with his nose so bright as well as his awesome sense of direction?

You guessed it, the one and only, ever elusive entity known as Santa Claus.

Good ol’ Kris Kringle, the jolliest guy this side of the North Pole Mall.

To say he’s well connected to those that are well connected goes without saying.

But does that mean he’s the most well connected guy on the planet?

Not necessarily.

Taking this a step further, who would most people consider to be the most well connected person on the planet.

Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon? While he may be labeled as the World’s Wealthiest Man, does that automatically imply his being the most well connected guy out there?

Not necessarily.

While his company unquestionably has global connections beyond contemplation, him personally, just not seeing it.

Bill Gates? Again, I picture him as someone that has far too much money and a personality that leaves quite a bit to be desired.

Once again, connections not being a priority in his life.

Not saying there’s a direct correlation between personal wealth and global connections but it certainly doesn’t hurt.

Take Mark Zuckerberg, the face of Facebook, for example.

Basically fell face-first into a huge bucket of funds and yet, he still can’t buy a personality.

While his company may boast of a couple billion monthly users, he himself, not too high on the connections list.

Sure, they snoop on you when you’re messaging and reprimand you when you’re a flake, but again, one on one connections aren’t their strong suit.

In today’s world not only do you need great communication skills as well as extensive global reach, it never hurts to have a bit of insider help as well.

And when you think insider connections, the who’s who of knowing who, who comes to mind.

Sure enough, the jolly ol’ fellow in the red suit.

Think about it. He’s got nearly everyone on the planet on his Lists.

Naughty, nice or somewhere in between, chances are more than good they’re on one of his Lists.

And when you take into consideration that he sees you when you’re sleeping as well as when you’re awake, there’s pretty much nowhere to hide.

So based on all of that, there’s only one thing we can conclude.

He’s as close to an RV/GCR source as we’re ever gonna get.

At least at our pay grade anyway.

No, he himself likely isn’t involved in the process per se nor is he in charge of pushing the GO button but who better than him to know those that are.

Therefore it only stands to reason that his actions  are more than likely based on what he’s both seeing as well as hearing.

And yes, I have it on good authority that he’s a currency holder just like we are.

He’s no dummy. He’s done his research and despite all of the constant objections from Mrs. Claus, he’s gone all in on the IQD, VND and the ZIM.

He’s even gifted all of his Elves with currency as well.

Truth be told, after hearing how committed he was, it pushed me to get even further involved in the Top 3 possibilities.

And now, with this latest rumor floating around out there about Rudolph retiring and then the capper of all, knowing that Santa is out there secretly scouting the Bentley Sleigh market, it leads me to only one conclusion.

This thing is about to pop!

C’mon, it only makes sense.

First of all, why else would Rudolph be retiring.

Think about it. He only works one night of the year and collects unemployment for the remainder of the year.

Yeah, the rest of the time the other reindeer are continuously bullying him, laughing at him and calling him names.

But he learned to just roll with it, knowing what a great gig he has and now he doesn’t waste time giving his haters the time of day.

So when you’ve basically got it all wrapped up in a pretty little bow, why retire.

Does he know something we don’t.

Hmmm…. certainly looks that way, doesn’t it.

Especially when you consider that for the most part his only social interaction is with the most well connected individual on the planet.

And now we have said individual out shopping for a Bentley Sleigh, one can’t help but put 2 & 2 together.

It’s not like Santa’s a politician or anything, making millions upon millions, year after year, off the books.

Nope. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure he receives a paycheck of any sort.

So how on earth is he expecting to afford that new Bentley Sleigh.

Last time I checked Bentley Dealers don’t take milk & cookies as a down payment on a new car, let alone a new sleigh.

Is it possible he’s just out their Dream Sleigh shopping, doing his best to keep his RV/GCR dream alive?

That would be understandable but when you take into consideration Rudy having already tendered his resignation, that just doesn’t make any sense.

That on its own is some tough to argue with confirmation of forward progress right there.

To me everything points to Santa getting some serious hints regarding the pending release of the RV/GCR.

Some people are micro focused on Iraq and all the goings on over in the Sandbox.

And if that gives them the best perspective and helps them through the night, then more power to ’em.

For me, Iraq is far too 2012. Meaning it was okay way back when things were RV focused but now that we know the GCR has run right over the top of that RV game plan, like a runaway snowball racing down from the top of Mt. Dinar, I pay zero attention to anything Iraq-ish.

I much prefer to remain focused on the global economies and how the longer this thing drags out, the more countries continue to collapse.

Contrary to others who believe they want the entire world to collapse prior to all currencies going asset-backed, I’m of the opinion that in reality nobody wins if they allow everything to fold.

And from what I can see, this house of corrupt cards is getting awfully close to crumbling with each and every passing day.

Which only serves to give me even more hope that sooner rather than later, they’re finally going to have to release this thing.

Leading to Santa getting his dream Bentley and I can finally begin to rebuild my life as well as the lives of my family and friends.

Could I be wrong about all this, my interpretation being totally skewed by viewing everything through Dinar goggles? You better believe it.

Please keep in mind it’s simply my opinion based on absolutely nothing other than lots of faith and an overwhelming overdose of hopium.

If I am wrong, I don’t wanna know it.

After a decade on this journey, I enjoy having something to hold onto.

Admittedly the foundation of knowledge that I built far too long ago isn’t quite as stable as it once was.

With all of the changes in the process and protocols throughout this journey, that should be easily understandable by most everyone.

I’m fairly certain that I’m not alone in wondering if my sisters Hairdresser’s Dentist’s Nanny’s Brother in Law wasn’t right in saying that this whole thing is a too good to be true pipe dream.

Could that deterioration be caused by the Boy That Cried Wolf having finally lost his vocal chords after calling it so many times, thereby eroding my footings?

Again, all possible and easy to understand considering how long this has continued to drag out.

So if I’m wrong, please let me survive this journey by any means necessary.

And I’ll gladly do the same for you.

But if I’m right, which I truly hope I am, then this could very well be THE best Holiday Season on record.

Sheesh, I sure like the sound of that.

Just because they’ve failed to get it done all of the previous years they were rumored to be working on it, hoping to reach completion, doesn’t mean this Christmas won’t be different.

After all, according to pretty much everyone out there in Dinarland, everything’s done.

We’re simply waiting for the release.

Let’s hope they’re right this time. After all, they only have to be right one time.

And there’s no better time to be right than right now.

Rudolph, please enjoy your retirement and Santa, I know you’re gonna be flyin’ around faster than the QFS can process a wire transfer but remember, despite what the Bentley Salesman said, that GPS isn’t infallible.

Don’t hesitate to rely on Rudy for directions.

As you well know he’s been around the block a time or two and one can’t imagine a better co-pilot.

Hang in there folks, we could be in store for the best Christmas ever.

Kindly,

Dr. Dinar

Disclaimer: Please consider everything in this post as my opinion. I’m not a professional Wealth Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, Bentley Salesman, etc.. I’m simply someone that chooses to believe in the unbelievable, including but not limited to the possibility that Santa truly does exist. Be sure to consult a professional for any financial decisions you make now and in the future.

Saturday Night "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot

Mot:  At age 29, she was a single mother living on welfare .....

At age 17, she was rejected from college.

At age 25, her mother died from disease.

At age 26, she suffered a miscarriage.

At age 27, she got married.

Her husband abused her. Despite this, her daughter was born.

At age 28, she got divorced and was diagnosed with severe depression.

At age 29, she was a single mother living on welfare.

At age 30, she didn't want to be on this earth.

But, she directed all her passion into doing the one thing she could do better than anyone else.

And that was writing.

At age 31, she finally published her first book.

At age 35, she had released 4 books, and was named Author of the Year.

At age 42, she sold 11 million copies of her new book, on the first day of release.

This woman is J.K. Rowling. Remember how she considered suicide at age 30?

Today, Harry Potter is a global brand worth more than $15 billion dollars.

Never give up. Believe in yourself. Be passionate. Work hard. It’s never too late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mot: . Heard bout this Me entire Life.... sooooo What am I missing!!???

Mot: .... oooh the Desire! - What to Do??? ~~~~

Mot:  ... Oooooooooooh - the Ironies of Life!!! ~~~~

Mot: ,,, ooooh...... ooooh...... ooooh....

Mot: ...... Again - I Said to ~~~~~~

Mot:.. She'll be Here Anyday Now! ~~~

Saturday Night "Humor While We Wait"

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: “ life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season!!  

**********

From TNT:

Mot:  A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

Mot: ........... Touché ............

Mom: . the Latest Fiction Best Seller is coming out Sooon! ~~~~

Mot:  . Ya Know! - Just don't Get it!! ~

Mot:  Once every 520 years the majestic alignment can be witnessed by a lucky few 

Thanksgiving "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  Lady: How much would you like for a tip? .....

This week has already been a lot on me and today at work I’m waiting on my tables the same as I always do.

I proceeded to check this table out and the lady asks

Lady: How much would you like for a tip?

Me: Whatever you give me is fine.

Lady: what do you need?

Me: Nothing

Man with the lady: How old are you?

Me:24

Him: you have kids?

Me: yes a son, he’s 4.

Her: if he needed anything how much would it be?

Me: He needs a lot I’m not sure( I smile and walk away)

Her: you pay all your bills?

Me: yes ma’am

Her: if you had a pay a bill today what would it be?

Me: Rent

her: How much is your rent?

Me: $375

Her: Okay I’m leaving you a $375 tip, I’m paying your rent for august.

Y’all I couldn’t do anything but cry!!! This was a blessing in disguise!

Mot: .. You Can ALways Count on me~~~

Mot....... Just Because! ~~~~~

Mot: .. How do they Do That!!!??? ~~~~

Mot: ... Sure Glad we Worked that One out! ~~~

Mot: . Thanx fur the Cat!!

Mot: ~~~~ Can't Eat --- Another.... Bite .....

Mot: .... I'll Try!! –

Mot: . Will Be Right in there at Half Time! ~~~~~

Mot: then - To everyone who loves Charlie Brown have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Humor While We Wait, and Wait, and Wait...........Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  "That's a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? .....

A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce...

The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have Wi-Fi."

The driver of the Kia says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Kia says, "That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Yes, I have a television, a Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Kia says, "That's a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Kia!"

Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away. He went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up his car. The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.

So, the driver of the Rolls drove around all day looking for the Kia...

Finally, late that night, he finds the Kia parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls gets out of his car and knocks on the Kia’s window. At first there is no answer, then the owner sticks his head out, soaking wet.

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls said arrogantly.

The driver of the Kia says... "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"

************

Mot:  Older & wiser:

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly an Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The Airbus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.

Dedicated to all my senior friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.

**********

Mot:  . heeee heeeee heeee - Never Find Me - He Wont! ~~~~

Mot:  ..... one of the Golden Rules Ya Knows! ~~~

Mot: .. Starting to Get Crafty They is! ~~~~

Mot: .. Getting the Training in Early she is pre thanksgiving

Mot:  ... Cooking a Turkey is a Special Talent! ~~~

"Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."

An Englishman, and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman, "You see how clever I am? I snitched 3 cookies and put them in my pocket and the baker didn't even notice." You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman, "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."

He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats.

Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious but he gives the cookie to him. The Scotsman eats that one too. Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie."

The baker is getting angry now but gives him another cookie anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?"

The Scotsman says, "Look in the Englishman's pocket"

************

Mot: Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the………

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal;

-Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.

Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.

With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced;

-We have a brave winner.

After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;

-I didn't jump, someone pushed me!

His wife smiled ...

Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."

Mot: Uh oh………

Mot:  I’LL LIVE WITH MY KIDS

When I'm an old man, I'll live with each kid,

And bring so much happiness just as they did.

I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.

Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!

When I'm an old man and live with my kids.

 **

I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,

And I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.

I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.

I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!

When I'm an old man and live with my kids.

 **

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,

I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,

I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,

And when they get angry I'll run if I'm able!

When I'm an old man and live with my kids.

 **

I'll sit close to the TV, through channels I'll click,

I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.

I'll take off my socks and throw one away,

And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!

When I'm an old man and live with my kids.

**

And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,

I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.

My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,

And say with a groan, "He’s so sweet when he's sleeping!"

***********

Mot:  ... Yet Even More Hints on that Diet Thingy! ~~

"Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and run down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then, the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room. "What in God's name is wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 68 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"

The new doctor continued to write and without looking up, asked . . "Does she still have hiccups?"

Mot: A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. ...

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman... He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate... Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog...

Then, it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: - Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back.. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But you'll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night

************

Mot: . aaaahhhhhh - the Joys of Becoming more Seasoned! ~~~~

Mot: .. Sooo Glad that She Failed - Huh!!! ~~

Mot:  ... One of Those Really Awkward Moments fer Sure! ~~~~

Mot: .... Macho - Macho - Macho Man!!! ~~~~

Saturday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  It seemed to take for ever but eventually there she was stood beside me..................

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating so fast and the expectation was unbearable.

It seemed to take for ever but eventually there she was stood beside me.

I gave her a lovely smile and said :

"get that trolley over here they are doing three cases of Budweiser for the price of two!"

Mot:  A father of five won a large stuffed animal in a raffle.....

Most Deserving

A father of five won a large stuffed animal in a raffle.

All the way home he agonized about which child should receive the toy. When he arrived, he called the kids together.

"I have decided this gift should go to the most deserving," he said.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mommy?

Who does everything she says?" 

Five small voices cried in unison. "You do, Daddy!"

************

Mot:  WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Mot:  ~~ I Thinks its a Marital Thingy!! ~~~

Mot:  ... and Yet another ""Survival Tip"" from Mot of Course! ~~

Jay Leno Proves Cats Are Smarter Than Dogs ....  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PljWXf8KI88

Just For "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  A tourist went to Mexico and praised the local fishermen for the quality of their fish and then asked them?

How much time do you need to catch it? And the fishermen answered him in one voice:

"Not long"

He asked them: Why don't you spend more time and fish more?

The fishermen made it clear that their little catch would suffice their needs and the needs of their families!

He asked them: But what do you do in the rest of your time?

They answered:

We sleep late..

We fish a little...

We play with our children.

We eat with our wives.

And in the evening we visit our friends..

We have fun, laugh and chant some songs

The tourist interrupted:

I have an MBA from Harvard University and I can help you!

You have to start fishing for long periods every day..and then sell the extra fish for a bigger return

And buy a bigger fishing boat 00

They asked him: Then what?

He replied: With the big boat and the extra money..

You can buy a second and third boat, and so on until you have an integrated fleet of fishing vessels,

Instead of selling your catch to an intermediary, you will negotiate directly with the factories, and perhaps you will also open your own factory,

And you will be able to leave this village and move to Mexico, the capital, or Los Angeles or even New York!

From there you will be able to start your giant projects 00

The fishermen asked the tourist:

How much time will we need to achieve this?

He replied: About twenty or maybe twenty-five years 00

They asked him: What next?

He replied with a smile: When your business grows, you will speculate in stocks and win millions 00

They asked him in amazement:

Millions? Oh really ?

And what will we do after that?

He replied: Then you can retire

And live quietly in a village on the coast, sleep late..

You play with your children.

And you eat with your wives.

And spend the nights enjoying with friends

The fishermen answered

With all due respect and appreciation

But that's exactly what we're doing now,

So, what is the logic for which we waste twenty-five years of misery?

************

Mot: This a conversation between a man and his wife. Please note that she asks five or six questions which he answers quite simply, but then she is speechless after answering only one question. I bet this happens more often than not to most husbands out there.

Woman:Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes.
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about three.
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00, which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary).
Woman: And how long have youbeen drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400. Correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: If in one year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000. Correct?
Man:  Correct.
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman:  No.
Man:  So where's your airplane?

Mot:  .... Ya Know Its Great When its the ""S"" Word! ~~~

Mot:  ... Amazing How That Works! - HUH!! ~~~~

Mot: ..... Gotta Love Karma fer Sure!! ~~~~

"Humor While We Wait" From Recaps Archives

The Difference Between Man and Woman!

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Fred," Martha says aloud.

"What?" says Fred, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Fred.

"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Fred.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.

"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Fred.

"That way about time," says Martha.

"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Fred," she says.

"Thank you," says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of.

A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"

And that's the difference between men and women.

RV Currency Holders:  WATCHING AND WAITING ~ PHINEAS AND FERB

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpx5u1Ua-ZM

Okay PTB listen to this song and LET IT GO....Pull that trigger~!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU&feature=youtu.be