TNT:

Mot: It seemed to take for ever but eventually there she was stood beside me..................

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me.

My heart was beating so fast and the expectation was unbearable.

It seemed to take for ever but eventually there she was stood beside me.

I gave her a lovely smile and said :

"get that trolley over here they are doing three cases of Budweiser for the price of two!"

Mot: A tourist went to Mexico and praised the local fishermen for the quality of their fish and then asked them?

How much time do you need to catch it? And the fishermen answered him in one voice:

"Not long"

He asked them: Why don't you spend more time and fish more?

The fishermen made it clear that their little catch would suffice their needs and the needs of their families!

He asked them: But what do you do in the rest of your time?

The Difference Between Man and Woman!

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

Click "Read More" for the pictures and cartoons.

Mot: “From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor”

“Of course child. What may I do for you”

“Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me.. Hide it under your robes perhaps ?

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,” she replied.

.TNT:

Mot: Ten Things I Should Have Taught My Teens BEFORE They Left Home

by Betsy Voreacos| February 19, 2020

“But, mom!” the living-back-at-home daughter protested. “You have to TELL me these things.”

These things include, but are not limited to, extracting long strands of brown wavy hair from the bathroom drain. Curbing her ten-dollar-a-day grapes habit, or at the very least, replacing said fruit.

Completing a cycle of laundry before the mother comes along with the next three loads and angrily folds what has been left in the dryer, because, contrary to popular belief, she’s not mean enough to throw it in a crumpled heap on the daughter’s bedroom floor. Which is exactly where it came from.

As the revolving door on Grove Street opens and closes to my adult offspring, I find myself marveling at how little they know about basic household concepts. Or, in other words, how much I failed to teach them. I take most of the blame. Most. Not all. Because, I always had a valid excuse.

When they were growing up and I was schlepping them from field to field, house to house, school to school, I just didn’t have the time. It was so much more efficient to do it myself than to redo what they tried to do.

If I had it to do over, here’s what I would have taught my teens before they left home:

.Mot: A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested

The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied...

"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.

TNT:

Mot: A husband went to police station to report his missing wife

Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .

Sergeant: Build?

Husband : Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband : Never noticed.

.TNT:

Mot: My wife started reading the Exorcist on the............... ((( and then the Fight Started )))........

My wife started reading the Exorcist on the train to work.

She said " she thought it was the most evil book she had ever read".

She said "it was so evil she couldn't finish it".

So, at the weekend she went to the end of the pier and threw it into the sea.

So I went to the local book store and I bought another copy .

Then I put it in water for two hours. and left on her dressing table for her to find it..

.TNT:

Mot: My boss said he wasn’t getting enough respect - so he ......

My boss said he wasn’t getting enough respect - so he taped a sign to his door that read: “I’m the Boss"

He returned from lunch later and found someone had taped a note to the sign that said:

” Your wife called, she wants her sign back"