Saturday Night "Kicks and Grins " Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence... the rest of the year went very smoothly :)
TNT:
Mot: A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence... the rest of the year went very smoothly :)
Mot: WE ARE A GENERATION THAT WILL NEVER COME BACK..........
A generation that walked to school and then walked back.
A generation that did their homework alone to get out asap to play in the street.
A generation that spent all their free time on the street with their Friends.
A generation that played hide and seek when dark.
A generation that made mud cakes.
A generation that collected sports cards.
A generation that found, collected and washed & Returned empty coke bottles to the local grocery store for 5 cents each , then bought a Mountain Dew and candy bar with the money.
A generation that made paper toys with their bare hands.
A generation who bought vinyl albums to play on record players.
A generation that collected photos and albums of clippings.
A generation that played board games and cards on rainy days.
A generation whose TV went off at midnight after playing the National Anthem.
A generation that had parents who were there.
A generation that laughed under the covers in bed so parents didn't know we were still awake.
A generation that is passing and unfortunately it will never return!!..
I loved Growing up when I did.
Mot: Uh Oh! . A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?” ...
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve, and they had children, and so was all mankind made.”
Two days later, the curious girl asked her father the same question.
“Many years ago,” the father answered, “there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother. “Mommy, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,” she said, “and Daddy said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”
Mot: Listen To Lee Greenwood’s New Rendition of ‘God Bless the U.S.A.’ .......................
Home Free - God Bless the U.S.A. (featuring Lee Greenwood and The United States Air Force Band)
Mot: .. Member When!! ~~~~
Mot: . More insight into the ""Marital"" Thingy! ~
Saturday Night "Kicks and Grins" While We Wait
.Those Questions No One Can Answer
Why does rain drop and snow falls?
What disease did cured ham have?
What's the difference between unique and very unique?
We put in our two cents, but only get a penny for our thoughts. Who gets the extra penny?
When do you become important enough to be considered assassinated and not just murdered?
Can you cry under water?
Those Questions No One Can Answer
Why does rain drop and snow falls?
What disease did cured ham have?
What's the difference between unique and very unique?
We put in our two cents, but only get a penny for our thoughts. Who gets the extra penny?
When do you become important enough to be considered assassinated and not just murdered?
Can you cry under water?
Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?
Why did we put a man on the moon before we realized it would be a good idea to make luggage with wheels?
Why are actors IN movies but ON television?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?
Why does grass grow where you do not want it and not grow where you do?
Why do we say we slept like a baby when they wake up every two hours?
Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If a deaf person goes to court, do they still call it a hearing?
What is a Japanese maple tree called in Japan?
We say, "It's Greek to me." What do the Greeks say?
If we don't care that Jimmy cracked corn, why do we still sing about it?
Why does Goofy stand upright and Pluto stands on all four feet? They're both dogs.
Why does "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "The Alphabet Song" have the same tune?
On Gilligan's Island, the professor could make a radio out of a coconut. Why couldn't he fix the hole in the boat?
If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that stuff from ACME, why doesn't he just buy himself dinner?
Why does a dog get mad at you if you blow in his face, but then stick his head out the window when you take him for a car ride?
Why do they call it a rest room when you’re not there to rest?
Why do they call it a tooth brush and not a teeth brush?
Why is it a flock of birds but a gaggle of geese?
Why do the call a rabbits foot lucky? not lucky for the rabbit and he had 4.
**********
A Good Deed
A man tries to enter heaven but there are some criteria to be met before entry is allowed. St. Peter asked several questions. Was he religious in life? Did he attend church? Was he generous? Did he give money to the poor, to charities? Did he do any good deeds? Did he help his neighbor?
The man answered each question, "No".
Exasperated, St. Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Now think!"
The man says, "I came out of a store and found a little old lady surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought my way through the crowd and got her purse back.
I helped her to her feet. Then I went up to the biggest, meanest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then I spit in his face."
"Wow, said St. Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen?"
"Oh, about ten minutes ago"
TNT:
Mot: ... More Insight into the Marital Thingy! ~~~~wife not talking
Mot: . and Yet Even More Insight into that Marital Thingy!! ~~
Friday Night "Chuckles" While We Wait
.From Recaps Archives
A Mother's Dictionary
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.
ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.
BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning
"BECAUSE": Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.
From Recaps Archives
A Mother's Dictionary
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.
ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.
BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning
"BECAUSE": Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.
BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.
CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.
COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mom's other name.
COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone.
DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.
EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."
ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.
"EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.
FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM"
FROZEN: 1) A type of food. 2) How hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle.
GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mom assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.
GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.
HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening meal.
HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.
HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the Golden Fleece.
ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.
INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mom has spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside.
"I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mom.
JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night.
JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals.
JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids.
JUNK: Dad's stuff.
KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mom spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right.
KISS: Mom medicine.
LAKE: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so.
LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.
LIE: An "exaggeration" Mom uses to transform her child's papier-m‚chÈ volcano science project into a Nobel Prize-winning experiment and a full-ride scholarship to Harvard.
LOSERS: See "Kids' Friends."
MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush, etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look "like a tramp."
MAYBE: No.
MILK: A healthful beverage which kids will gladly drink once it's turned into junk food by the addition of sugar and cocoa.
"MOMMMMMMMY!": The cry of a child on another floor who wants something.
MUSH: 1) What a kid loves to do with a plateful of food. 2) Main element of Mom's favorite movies.
SWEATER: Magically charmed article of clothing that can ward away colds, flu and even pneumonia.
SUNDAY BEST: Attractive, expensive children's clothing made of a fabric which attracts melted chocolate and grape juice.
TEACHER CONFERENCE: A meeting between Mom and that person who has yet to understand her child's "special needs."
TERRIBLE TWO'S: Having both kids at home all summer.
"THAT WAY": How kids shouldn't look at moms if they know what's good for them. Also applies to how they talk.
TOWELS: See "FLOOR COVERINGS"
TRAMP: A woman with two kids and no stretch marks.
TROUBLE: Area of nonspecific space a child can always be sure to be in.
UMPTEENTH: Highly conservative estimate of the number of times Mom must instruct her offspring to do something before it actually gets done.
UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.
UTOPIA: See "BUBBLE BATH"
VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.
VITAMINS: Tiny facsimiles of cave people Mom forces you to swallow each morning as part of her sinister plot to have you grow up to be "just like Daddy."
WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.
WASHING MACHINE: Household appliance used to clean blue jeans, permanent ink markers, loose change, homework, tissues and wads of gum.
"WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME": Standard measurement of time between crime and punishment.
XOXOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying.
XYLOPHONE: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long! See also "DRUMS"
YARD SALE: Heart-wrenching emotional process wherein Mom plans to sell kids' outdated toys and clothing that she decides at the last minute are treasured mementos she can't bear to part with.
"YIPPEE!": What Mom would jump up and shout if the school year was changed to 12 months. See also "YAHOO!"
ZILLION: Amount of times Mom must have gone to the supermarket already this week.
ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.
Humor While We Wait....and Wait...and Wait.....Posted by Mot
.TNT:
Mot: A man and woman were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down... And I know he won't ask for directions."
TNT:
Mot: A man and woman were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down... And I know he won't ask for directions."
Mot: Aaaaaahhhhhhh - the Joy of Becoming More Seasoned! ~~
This is what all of you 70+ year-old's have to look forward to:
This is something that happened in an Aged Care Centre. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.
One morning, one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK.
She could hear him through the door He said that he was running late, and would be down shortly, so she went back to the Dining area.
An hour later, he still hadn't arrived; so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs.
He was coming down the stairs but was having a hard time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.
She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain, and just wanted to have his breakfast.
So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.
A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.
The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
******************
Mot: You can Always Count on ""Fred"" ~~~
Mot: and then She Said! ~~~~~~
Mot: .. Yet Another Clever ""Dieting Tip"" - from Mot of Course! ~
Mot: .... Kids Beware!!! ~~~~~
"Saturday Night Chuckles" Posted by Mot at TNT
.Mot: You Might Be a Redneck if: ~~~~ (from Jeff )
Y'all getting some yard work done this weekend?
You Might Be a Redneck if:
you think people with grass in their yards are uppity.
the engine hanging in your yard is newer than the one in your car.
you repaint the pink flamingos in the front yard every spring.
you've ever rolled a riding lawn mower.
you've ever use the Weed Eater indoors, too.
Mot: You Might Be a Redneck if: ~~~~ (from Jeff )
Y'all getting some yard work done this weekend?
You Might Be a Redneck if:
you think people with grass in their yards are uppity.
the engine hanging in your yard is newer than the one in your car.
you repaint the pink flamingos in the front yard every spring.
you've ever rolled a riding lawn mower.
you've ever use the Weed Eater indoors, too.
Mot: Wellll - I've Been Planing This Road Trip fer a Loooong Time You See – and
Mot: . Yeppers! - Good to Go fer Sure I Am! ~~~snow white
Mot: exactly What You Run into When Trying to Get Your First Job! ~~~~~
Mot: Yet another - ""Uh OH"" when Raising the ""Wee Folks"" ~~~~~~
Mot: Amazing - Two Ladies Met on da Plane! ~~
Mot : Lunch with Her Friend! ~~~
Some of Sabickford's Greatest Hits!!
.Some of Sabickford’s Greatest Hits
I'm not much on Seizing the Day, I just poke at it with a stick.
I swear some people need a stamp on their forehead saying "DON"T REPRODUCE"
My bank has a new service where they text you your balance. It's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end
If Being sarcastic burned calories, I'd be transparent by now.
“I need to talk to you!!" These six words have the ability to make you instantly recall every bad thing you have ever done, and some you didn't
You know it's been a good day when you didn't have to unleash the flying monkeys.
Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Remember Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together.
They say it's better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?
Some of Sabickford’s Greatest Hits
I'm not much on Seizing the Day, I just poke at it with a stick.
I swear some people need a stamp on their forehead saying "DON"T REPRODUCE"
My bank has a new service where they text you your balance. It's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end
If Being sarcastic burned calories, I'd be transparent by now.
“I need to talk to you!!" These six words have the ability to make you instantly recall every bad thing you have ever done, and some you didn't
You know it's been a good day when you didn't have to unleash the flying monkeys.
Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Remember Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together.
They say it's better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?
I realized I was an aggressive driver when my 4 year old yelled " Pick A Lane, Idiot!" From the seat in the Grocery Cart.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water you can't make Coffee.
Relationships are like a walk in the park- Jurassic park
The hardest part of parenting is trying to fake mad when your kid does something bad but Hilarious.
My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Now they've invented a pregnancy test with a curved handle so you don't get pee on your hands. Listen, if you aren't ready to get pee on your hands, you definitely NOT ready for Motherhood.
Our town was so small the we didn't have a town Drunk, So we all took turns.
Look, I'm trying to Rant Here. Stop interrupting me with Facts and Reason
Not to Brag.. I don't even need alcohol to make bad decisions.
I am fluent in three languages…English, Sarcasm, and Profanity
My Morning coffee makes me feel like I have my stuff together. I don't. But it makes me feel like I do.
My son asked me to explain women to him, SO I bought him a Xbox game for his PlayStation.
I don't need someone who sees the good in me. I need someone who sees the Bad and still wants me.
You are going to be Fine. You come from a long line of Lunatics.
I think I need professional Help. A Chef, A Butler and A Maid should do it.
In a packed Elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now Demonstrate the Mating call of a Whale.
If you line up all your Ex's in a row you can see the flow chart of your mental Illness.
Don't use the Bathroom in your dream…It's a Setup!!!
Before you ask me to babysit I think you should know that I think kids are super funny when they're drunk.
Eggs are fantastic for a fitness Diet. Don't like the taste? Add cocoa, butter, flour, sugar & butter. Bake 30 Min.
Got emotions? There's Alcohol for that.
And then alcohol said "put that on Facebook, it's hilarious". But alcohol was wrong, So Very wrong.
Sometimes it's just more fun to take the low road.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
Some things are better left unsaid. Which I realize right after I have said them.
Someone offered me grapes but I declined. I'm not used to taking wine in pill form.
I'm not Cheap, but I am on special this week.
That awkward moment when you're singing a song you often sang as a child - and you suddenly understand the lyrics.
Judging by the looks of my hair this morning, I think I may be a Muppet.
Shout out to everyone who got through the day without taking a nap. Pulled a All-Dayer! Pretty Cool!
I think way too many people have been drinking from the Fountain of Stupid
Well what day will you have time for my shenanigans?
Lieabetes (Lie-a-bee-tees) -noun- A serious affliction some people suffer from that prevents them from being able to tell the truth regardless of the situation.
I Planned to take over the world, But I'm Tired
I found some things to do today. They're called mimosas
Wine-O-Lympics Everyone's a winner in these games
The revised Serenity Prayer…God grant me the strength to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the devoted friends who will post bail money when I snap.
Redneck word of the Week Twerk….Imma have two more beers then it's back to TWERK
This antidepressant works best if you take it with water lapping near your hammock on a Caribbean beach.
I've expanded my skills. I can now forget what I'm doing while I'm actually doing it.
I never thought I would be the kind of person that would get up early to exercise. I was right.
I hate when people accuse me of lolly gagging when I'm quite clearly dilly dallying
You can exercise all you want but you'll never going to burn that crazy off.
IMMATURE: A word often used by extremely boring people to describe fun people.
At Times I'm Grateful that thoughts don't appear in bubbles over our heads.
New disease “Idiotitis” the brain shuts down but the mouth keeps talking……..
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”-George Carlin
I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!"
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window.
That mmoent you mqke a post and u relise that u speled half the words rong and u lok stupid.
Before you try to hurt my feelings, Take into account that I don't have any, and you probably do.
When a Woman says "Correct me if I'm Wrong." Do not under any, I mean ANY Circumstances do it!!
You are dust and will return to dust…That's why I don't dust. It might be someone I Know.
Dear Santa, I've been good all year. Most of the time. Once in awhile. Never Mind I'll buy my own stuff.
To the teenager who flipped me off for honking at them, Your Cell Phone is on top of your car!
After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV. Apparently this is unacceptable in Bowling.
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12 and my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
I've been A lot of places but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've never been in Cognito either. I hear nobody recognizes you there. I have however been in Sane, They don't have an airport there, you have to be driven. I have made several Trips.
I picked up a Hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger and asked " Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?" I told him the chances of two serial killers being in the one car are astronomical.
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 sec. in my head, That'll freak you right out!!!
Sign On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
Sign In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”
Sign In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait”.
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: “Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”.
Sign Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
I asked my Grandpa, "After 65 years you still call Grandma Darling, Beautiful, and Honey. What's the secret?" He said "I Forgot her name 5 Years ago and I'm Afraid to ask her!"
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, You are probably holding the Taser wrong.
Last night, my neighbor came home drunk & banged on his own door for 5 Min. Problem is, he lives alone. I went over and told him He wasn't there, so he left.
I told my Job that 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise. My Boss asked what companies? I said Power, Electric, and Gas.
So Many Village Idiots - So Few Dragons!
Today, I will be as Useless as the "G" in Lasagna.
Friend: Could you be any more annoying? Me: I've been waiting my whole life for this question…Yes, Oh God, YES!!!
Good Morning Today's Monday and I have no words to describe this day. I do, However, I have TONS of Obscene Gestures.
Why must I prove who I am in order to pay my bills over the phone? So Strangers call to pay my bills? And if they do why don't you let them?
I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what's going on, and now I have to Pee.
I'm still waiting patiently for the wisdom that supposedly comes with old age. Anyone Else?
What's That? You heard a bunch of stories from someone who Hates Me? That Stuff MUST Be True!
Interviewer: "So Tell me about yourself." Me: "I'd rather not, I kind of need this job."
I have done terrible things for money….like get up early and go to work!
OMG, I'm Rich!! Silver in my hair, Gold in my teeth, crystals in the Kidneys, sugar in the blood, Lead ************ Iron in the Blood and an inexhaustible supply of natural gas. I never thought I would accumulate such wealth!
Have a Great Weekend and don’t forget to laugh!!
"We're All In This Together" by Dr. Dinar
.Thank you Dr. Dinar
We're All In This Together by Dr. Dinar
Okay, so where are we now.
Where exactly do we stand in this seemingly never ending journey to the GCR.
Honestly, I have absolutely no idea.
And as far as I can tell, nobody else really knows either.
Yes, they continually give their best guesses but time and time again, these guesstimations are anything but correct.
Not to fault them.
After all, they're doing the best they can with what they have to work with.
Thank you Dr. Dinar
We're All In This Together by Dr. Dinar
Okay, so where are we now.
Where exactly do we stand in this seemingly never ending journey to the GCR.
Honestly, I have absolutely no idea.
And as far as I can tell, nobody else really knows either.
Yes, they continually give their best guesses but time and time again, these guesstimations are anything but correct.
Not to fault them.
After all, they're doing the best they can with what they have to work with.
Having said that, and as much as I'd love to know how close to the finish line we truly are, it makes complete sense that nobody knows the date.
Nor the rate.
For some reason that still doesn't prevent me from wanting just an inkling of info in regards to where we are on the Checklist To Completion.
If such a thing exists. Which I highly doubt it does.
Sure, they have things that need to get be accomplished.
But it always seems as if while they're working on one thing, two other must completes pop up in the meantime.
So with the one forward, two back routine always seemingly in play, how are we ever supposed to reach a conclusion.
All we can do is continue to hope that eventually circumstances will dictate that things must make a change, otherwise everybody loses.
And if you're anything like me, that script-flip can't come a minute too soon.
I recently had cause to reflect on a time when things were so much simpler.
A time when all we were dealing with was the RV of the IQD.
It was a two day trip, two weeks at the most.
We'd done the research, endlessly scowered the map, we couldn't have been better prepared.
All of our gear in order, everything laid out in front of us, To Go bag by the door.
What could possibly go wrong.
Well, as it turns out, quite a few things could go wrong. And did.
First of which was getting banned from one of the very few (at the time) reliable RV sites.
For the second time no less.
Why was I banned?
Well, silly me.
Who knew you weren't allowed to speak your mind.
To give your opinion.
To question authority.
After all, it was an open Forum format, was it not.
Apparently, contrary to popular belief, it was not.
So, after experiencing my second banishment, I determined that if I was to remain connected to the going's on in Dinarland, it was I and not them that was going to have to make a few changes.
With that in mind, I decided it was best to take on an entirely new persona, as well as a new demeanor, if I had any hopes at all of staying connected.
And staying connected, for me, was Job #1.
Armed with a new identity, as well as a new email address, I gave it the ol' college try.
Fortunately for me, the third time was the charm.
I was, as they say, in like Flynn. Whomever Flynn is.
Back in the know.
Back in with the in crowd as it were.
Up close and personal with all the best intel.
Or so I was led to believe anyway.
And you better believe I wasn't going to question it.
Nope, not this time.
I quietly sat in the back of the room, training myself to become a great listener.
As time rolled on I did become just a bit more vocal, connecting with those I resonated with, but I also paid more attention to keeping my questions, as well as my opinions, under wraps.
I will add that at the time I was also connected to a couple other private situations which afforded me an even better glimpse into the supposed behind the scenes happenings .
Keeping in mind that this was a decade or so ago and as it turns out we really hadn't a clue as to what was going on.
Not as far as the GCR was concerned anyway.
The GCR was never really spoken of, and if it was, it was only in the context of something else that was in the works but it in no way would have any affect on the RV.
What I will say though is the history lessons I received while attending those other classes was and is something I'll always be grateful for.
They served as the concrete that created my unwavering foundation, solid in the knowing that this entire GCR thing really is real.
Knowing the initial reasoning behind the RV itself, who some of the major players were, and why they were there really helps to make sense of so much of what we see today, all these years later.
Although most of the folks I've connected with throughout the years have chosen their own ways of making it through to the finish line, at the end of the day we're all heading in the same direction.
Not necessarily in the same boat, but most definitely on the same river.
I'm willing to bet that nobody that has been involved in this endeavor over 5 years ever thought things would go this way.
That it would take this long.
With so many crazy twists and turns.
That so many last broke Friday's would fall by the wayside, leaving us with far too many still broke Monday's.
Yet, here we are and it is what it is.
Nothing we can do about all the time that has passed other than cherish the Economics education we've received, as well as the like-minded friends we've made along the way.
At this point in the game, from here on out we're all paddling down the same river, heading for the same destination.
All of us looking forward to the day we can reach the shore, exchange our paddles for Porsche's (or whatever flavor of fun you desire), and move on to the life of our dreams.
Until then, please continue to do your best to hang in there.
And whatever you do... KEEP ON PADDLIN'!
Remember, we're all in this together.
Kindly,
Dr. Dinar
Disclaimer; I'm not a Wealth Manager, Financial Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, RV/GCR Committee member, nor am I the owner of a canoe, nor a banjo for that matter. I'm simply someone that chooses to believe in the power of positive thinking and on the odd chance this thing truly is real, I want to make sure I'm there at the finish line to enjoy it.
From Dinar Recaps Archives
"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT:
Mot: The History of Cinco de Mayo......... ((( What YOu Didnt Learn in History Class ))) .........
Did you you know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 bottles of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.
... But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great they declared a National Day of Mourning.
The National Day of mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as - SINKO DE MAYO.
WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?
You need a shot of Tequila!
TNT:
Mot: The History of Cinco de Mayo......... ((( What YOu Didnt Learn in History Class ))) .........
Did you you know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 bottles of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.
... But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great they declared a National Day of Mourning.
The National Day of mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as - SINKO DE MAYO.
WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?
You need a shot of Tequila!
Mot: .. but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’....
""Fred"" and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year ""Fred"" would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Esther always replied, 'I know ""Fred"", but that Helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
One year Esther and ""Fred"" went to the fair, and ""Fred"" said, 'Esther, I'm 85 Years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, '""Fred"" that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'
""Fred"" and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to ""Fred"" and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
""Fred"" replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’
************
Mot: .. Guess I Might as Well Admit it! ~~~~
Mot: one of the Many Mysterys Ya Have when Raising the ""Wee Folks"" ~~~
Mot: .. LOL - Out of the Mouths of Babes! ~~~~~
Mot: .. Latest Tip fer dat ""Marital Thingy"" ~~
Mot: .. LOL -- Who Can Relate! ~~~~
Sabickford: "A Man Bought a Pocket Taser For His Wife"
.TNT:
Sabickford: This Man Bought A Pocket Taser For His Wife. What Happens Next Is Shocking.
A guy who purchased his wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
TNT:
Sabickford: This Man Bought A Pocket Taser For His Wife. What Happens Next Is Shocking.
A guy who purchased his wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner , then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-... That hurt like **% !!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! Still in shock!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it.
Some "Warm Fuzzies and Smiles" Posted by Mot at TNT
.TNT
Mot: The Pay it forward effect
“Today a lady and her mother and husband came in to our Home Depot telling us that the insurance company may or may not pay for their little boy’s walker, so they went on the internet and found plans to make one out of PVC pipe.
My store manager heard about this and we went over to them looked at their plans and said, ‘We got this.’ So, we started putting it together told the family to go and enjoy ice cream and come back in an hour.
Other associates started jumping in and when the family came back it was done. Logan walked around with the biggest smile on his face.
When the family tried to pay us, we said, ‘No way this one is on us.’
Thanks to all that help and for being a blessing to this family and to this little guy."
TNT
Mot: The Pay it forward effect
“Today a lady and her mother and husband came in to our Home Depot telling us that the insurance company may or may not pay for their little boy’s walker, so they went on the internet and found plans to make one out of PVC pipe.
My store manager heard about this and we went over to them looked at their plans and said, ‘We got this.’ So, we started putting it together told the family to go and enjoy ice cream and come back in an hour.
Other associates started jumping in and when the family came back it was done. Logan walked around with the biggest smile on his face.
When the family tried to pay us, we said, ‘No way this one is on us.’
Thanks to all that help and for being a blessing to this family and to this little guy."
Mot: An encounter at a gas station written by Nicole Marie Heintz and shared by Love What Matters is spreading like wildfire as it reveals the very depths of God’s mercy and His contagious love.
The post reads:
So I was just on my way to work and I had to stop for gas so I allowed myself some extra time to get to work. When I pulled up to the pump I shut my car off and saw this middle aged man crying looking at the gas pump. I began to wonder what happened with this man and as I got out of my car and looked at him my heart felt like it stopped.
In Apple Valley, Minnesota it is 10 degrees and freezing cold with the wind. This man was wearing flip flops with socks covered in holes. I look at his car and see his wife in the front seat covering her face in her hands and the 2 teenage girls both cuddling under a blanket in the back seat.
I didn’t even think and I went up to the man and said ‘sir is something the matter?’ He looked at me and I could tell he was on the verge of giving up because he didn’t even try to conceal his tears when he said ‘I can’t even provide for my family.’
Without even thinking I put my card in his machine and told him Jesus Christ the Son of God died to provide for you. Fill up. Something, something came alive in him. He was in shock and it was like he forgot how to pump gas.
In that same moment his wife got out of her car, she asked her husband what was going on and he told her I just payed for their gas she started to cry and came around the corner to shake my hand when I saw her pants dirty and torn. I asked her to come to my car.
The airport lost some of my luggage on my way to MInnesota from California and I had to clean out my closet to find stuff to wear and get rid of a lot of stuff all of that stuff that I had yet to give away was sitting in the back seat of the car and in the trunk. I opened up my car and told the lady to take what she wanted.
This lady RAN back to her car. I was so afraid I had just embraced her but a moment later her and her two girls were digging through those clothes layering my sweatshirts and shirts and sweat pants over the worn out clothes they had been wearing.
Soon the father had finished pumping the gas and came over. This attracted a little crowd at the gas station. And some older man gave the family a gift card and another middle aged man gave away his jacket to the father. Never in my life did I think I would see this kind of thing happen at a gas station with a handful of complete strangers.
But it gives me hope. That the love of God can be so contagious. That we are not alone in being the change we want to see in the world. That God’s love is greater than anything and we get to be a part of that love changing lives. And HE always provides!
************
Mot: Anybody else around in the olden days of Picasso??
Mot: ... There is a ""New and Exciting" way to Pay!!! ~~
Mot: Printers can be quite temperamental.....
Mot: .. Yeppers! -- More insight in Raising the ""Wee Folks"" ~
Mot: ... More Insight into that Relationship Thingy! ~~~
Mot: ........ HUH!!???? --- What You Say???? ~~~
"A Womans Week at the Gym" Humor While We Wait
.From Recaps Archives
Since it's quiet today.... Dinarians will have much more time-Post RV, and will be leaving their computers for a new life of fitness and health. Warning: You just may want to start out slowly………..
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my husband purchased me a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
From Recaps Archives
Since it's quiet today.... Dinarians will have much more time-Post RV, and will be leaving their computers for a new life of fitness and health. Warning: You just may want to start out slowly………..
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my husband purchased me a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines..
I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other c*** too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
B***h***was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.
Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however,
I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel...
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.
I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!