.Those Questions No One Can Answer

Why does rain drop and snow falls?

What disease did cured ham have?

What's the difference between unique and very unique?

We put in our two cents, but only get a penny for our thoughts. Who gets the extra penny?

When do you become important enough to be considered assassinated and not just murdered?

Can you cry under water?

.From Recaps Archives

A Mother's Dictionary

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning

"BECAUSE": Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.

.TNT:

Mot: A man and woman were married for many years.

Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98.

After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down... And I know he won't ask for directions."

.Mot: You Might Be a Redneck if: ~~~~ (from Jeff )

Y'all getting some yard work done this weekend?

You Might Be a Redneck if:

you think people with grass in their yards are uppity.

the engine hanging in your yard is newer than the one in your car.

you repaint the pink flamingos in the front yard every spring.

you've ever rolled a riding lawn mower.

you've ever use the Weed Eater indoors, too.

.Some of Sabickford’s Greatest Hits

I'm not much on Seizing the Day, I just poke at it with a stick.

I swear some people need a stamp on their forehead saying "DON"T REPRODUCE"

My bank has a new service where they text you your balance. It's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end

If Being sarcastic burned calories, I'd be transparent by now.

“I need to talk to you!!" These six words have the ability to make you instantly recall every bad thing you have ever done, and some you didn't

You know it's been a good day when you didn't have to unleash the flying monkeys.

Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Remember Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together.

They say it's better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?

.TNT:

Mot: The History of Cinco de Mayo......... ((( What YOu Didnt Learn in History Class ))) .........

Did you you know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 bottles of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.

... But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as - SINKO DE MAYO.

WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?

You need a shot of Tequila!

.TNT:

Sabickford: This Man Bought A Pocket Taser For His Wife. What Happens Next Is Shocking.

A guy who purchased his wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

.TNT

Mot: The Pay it forward effect

“Today a lady and her mother and husband came in to our Home Depot telling us that the insurance company may or may not pay for their little boy’s walker, so they went on the internet and found plans to make one out of PVC pipe.

My store manager heard about this and we went over to them looked at their plans and said, ‘We got this.’ So, we started putting it together told the family to go and enjoy ice cream and come back in an hour.

Other associates started jumping in and when the family came back it was done. Logan walked around with the biggest smile on his face.

When the family tried to pay us, we said, ‘No way this one is on us.’

Thanks to all that help and for being a blessing to this family and to this little guy."

.From Recaps Archives

Since it's quiet today.... Dinarians will have much more time-Post RV, and will be leaving their computers for a new life of fitness and health. Warning: You just may want to start out slowly………..

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my husband purchased me a week of personal training at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.