Saturday Night Chuckles Posted By Mot at TNT

Humor While We Wait:

Mot:Ole and Sven die in a snowmobile accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?

Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.'

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more.

When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking mead..

The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in total misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves and I want to know why!'

Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.'

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer.

The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. 

The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and the inhabitants of hell are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?'

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl'

**************

Mot:  Are YOU REady !!!! 100 Movies Dance Scenes Mashup to Funk !!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmnSm_d2ll4

Mot: ...... Uh Oh! ~~~~~

Mot: An enjoyable hobby

Mot:  .. oooooh - Be Sooooo Wary of that Marital Thingy! ~~~

Mot:  ... Fer What ever Ales Ya!! ~~~~

Friday Night "Humor While We Wait"

From Recaps Archives

Humor while we wait~ The Best Time For an RV

Midnight to 2 am est......The business day begins in Iraq

9 am est.........banks are open

12 noon est.....west coast banks are open

3 pm est.....Hawaii banks are open

5 pm est.....banks close

8 pm est.....west coast banks are closed

11 pm est....Hawaii banks close

Sunday 5 pm est....Forex updates

Monday......9 am est...make appt for Tuesday

Tuesday....All banks 'sync'

Wednesday......because they forgot to announce it on Tuesday

Thursday.....because its would be great to be in the bank and have money for the weekend

Friday.........Iraq likes Friday

Saturday.....because we have the day off and could still salvage the broke weekend

Anytime America or Iraq has a holiday on a Monday or Friday.......because Dr. Shabbibi always said he needs the banks closed for three days.

Anytime after the morning prayers and announcements in the Mosque in Iraq

After the lower denominations are are distributed.

Immediately after the rate change is posted on the CBI website

24-72 hours after the button is pushed

After President leaves the country......he can't be in country when it happens

As soon as the 'bad guys' are put in jail and the  'cabal' is dealt with

Anytime now since the 'good guys' took the money away from the cabal

After the Prosperity Packages are delivered

When the Black SUV's leave the gurus alone

Any day ending in y

When purple pigs fly.....

Originally posted by PatrickJane at TNT:

**

Forget Newton and Galileo.  Here are the real laws of nature: 

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.  

5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
....

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
 
If you don’t forward this your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

A Quick Thinker:

A man in a grocery store tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce, but the man persists so the boy says he'll ask his manager.
 
Walking into the back room, the boy says to his manager, "Some jerk wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
 
As he finishes his sentence, he turns to find the man standing right behind him, so he adds, "And the gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
 
 The manager approves the deal, and the man goes on his way.
 
Later the manager says to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here.
 
Where are you from son?"
 
"Canada, sir, : the boy replies.
 
"Well, why did you leave Canada?"
 
The boy says, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and hockey players up there."
 
"Really?" says the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
 
"No kidding?" the boy replies. "Who'd she play for?"

Saturday Night Easter Eve "Humor While We Wait"

TNT: 

Humor (While we wait) From Recaps Archives

Sabickford: I don't just march to my own drum, I lead the parade

So I was at the Bar last night and the waitress yelled "Anyone Know CPR?" and I said "Hell I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed. Well everyone but this one guy.

Deep thought for the day: When you clean out your vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner

To The non Believers - Go ahead and keep rolling your eyes honey, maybe you'll find a brain back there

Sometimes I just want someone to say," I know it's hard. It's going to be okay. Here's a coffee. And 5 Million Dollars."

I think I'm allergic to Chocolate. My Butt and Thighs are showing definite signs of swelling

Grant me wine to accept the things I cannot change, Coffee to change the things I can and a opaque mug so my co-workers can't tell the difference

Remember: Don't make old people MAD. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

Men of few words are usually married to women with many of them.

Stupid people are like Glow Sticks. I Wanna Snap 'em and Shake them till the light goes on.

Life is like a roller coaster. You can either scream every time there is a bump or you can throw up your hands and Enjoy the Ride.

20 years ago we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash and Steve Jobs. Now we have No Hope, No Cash, and No Jobs. Please Lord don't let Kevin Bacon Die.

I always mean what I say….I may not mean to say it out loud but I always mean it.

There are two rules to Success. 1. Never tell everything you know.

I've decided not to have kids. The Kids are taking it really hard.

Burning a bridge takes too long. I prefer explosives!

Parenting: Eating the last three cookies because you have four children.

Kids. They struggle to pronounce words properly. But if they hear a swear word They repeat it perfectly.

Finding Friends with the same mental disorders as you….Priceless!

I decided to reward myself with a well-earned glass of wine after a long week. Then realized it was Tuesday Morning.

Everyone should believe in something. I Believe I should be on the beach drinking margaritas.

The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle of wine, But you should at least check.

I put my symptoms on WebMD and it turns out I just need to be on a beach drinking beer!

Finally My Winter Fat is GONE!!!! I now Have Spring Rolls.

When I'm quiet, people who don't know me think I'm Shy. People who do know me think: "OMG! He's Thinking! Everybody RUN!!!"

Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.

Marriage counseling - Because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being a Ass

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, back off to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.

Angry people who can't take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to the rest of us who can.

***************

Mot: ~~ and Here YOU Thought YOU Had Issues! ~~

Mot:  ..... Soooo Many Uses.. comes only Once a Year!! ~~

Mot:  -- HUH???? What You Say????~~~~~

Mot:  Be Aware of the Recall in process!! ~~ Here to Help OUt I Is! ~~~

Mot:  ..... Sooooooooooo ~~~

Mot:  . Now Ya Knows How He Does it All in One Night! ~~

Mot:  ..... Working with the Seasoned - ""Wee Ones"" at Easter! ~~

Some "Bits and Pieces" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot: "No flowers were harmed in the making of this photo ~~~~~~

 The rare superbloom that occurred in 2019 in southern California, United States.

 A superbloom is a rare desert botanical phenomenon where an exceptionally large amount of wildflowers whose seeds have lain dormant in the desert soil germinate and blossom at roughly the same time. This occurence is associated to a particularly wet rainy season and some specific conditions are required.

 The desert must receive rainfall in the autumn, and this rain must penetrate deep into the soil matrix in order to reach a majority of the dormant seeds of flowering plants.

 In regard to this photo, the photographer Ryan Resatka mentioned, "No flowers were harmed in the making of this photo, the person is standing in an open path and I'm on the edge of a bend from another."

 Ryan Resatka

Mot:  Sooooo Frustrating When They suddenly Change the Rules on Ya!! ~~~

Mot:  Thought I Should Mention that ~~~~

Mot:  ... Hmmmmmmm How True! - How True! ~~~~

Mot:  . Just Finded the Best Ever! - Hiking Tip!!

Mot:  .... Say A Question has Come up on My Gym Thingy!! ~~

"Bits and Pieces" Posted by Mot at TNT 4-7-2022

TNT:

Mot:  "I missed my first flight to LA yesterday and had to catch another. I was so upset, but now I know why! ...............

The Pay it Forward Effect

"I missed my first flight to LA yesterday and had to catch another. I was so upset, but now I know why!

When I finally got to LAX baggage claim, I went to the bathroom and I heard a woman crying. I was wondering if I should say something like, 'It’s gonna be okay,' but I was nervous and she was speaking Spanish so I didn’t know if she’d even understand me.

I left and came back to the bathroom like four times while I was waiting for my bags to come down (full flight), and I heard her say, 'But the bus doesn’t come until tomorrow.'

My heart dropped, so I asked her if she had Zelle or CashApp. She said no. I asked her if I could pay for a hotel until tomorrow and she stopped crying and opened the stall door AND I SAW THE SLEEPING KIDS.

I felt so happy to help her, knowing I'd just be spending my money on bullsh*t. She rode with me to the Marriott and I got her a room. I’m glad I said something because she was super sweet and appreciative, and she had babies with her."

Mot:  ~~ Now ya'll can understand toooo! ~~~~~~

Mot: ~~~~ You will get a Charge out of this un! ~~~~~

Mot:  When You Are Faced With Dealing with the REAL Challenges of Life! ~~~~

Mot:  Just got back from a trip. Here's what's going to happen now...

Mot:  ........ Did Ya Sing it too!!!??? ~~~

Some "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick.

Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not ...the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said: "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the ship ?"

Mot:  Mother Nature would like to apologize for the late arrival of Spring.

Father Time was driving and refused to ask for directions.

************

Mot:  ~~ Yet Even More insight into that Marital Thingy! ~~~

Mot:  ..... True Love!! ~~~~~ LOL

Mot: . Always Looking for Excercise Tips I Am! ~~~~

Mot:  Once Again!!! -- it is Time to ~~~~~~tire air

Mot:  Special Skills Needed to Enjoy Ur Sundays - Ya KNows! ~~~~~~

Friday Night "Humor While We Wait"

Humor While we Wait

This has been verified by some recent research on the Dead Sea Scrolls.

How the Internet Began:

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dos't thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou cans't trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.

Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

 To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.

It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.

And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

And that's how the Internet began.

~~~~~~~~~~

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and  Sarah.

• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.

• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a  book, and get the mail.

• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals..

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.

• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about  dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humour and who can handle it ... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Humor While We Wait....And Wait....And Wait..........

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE...

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 
 
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 
 
(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine."  
 
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.

(Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.  "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 
 
(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever'). 
 
(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying...   Go to H***... 
 
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3. 
 
 * Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!! 
 
******************************************
 
Men Teaching Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By Sun, January 15, 2014

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM . 

Class 1 

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. 

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.. 

**********

Class 2 

Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, Or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?

Round Table Discussion.  Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. 

 **********

Class 3 

Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate. 

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. 

 *********

Class 4 

Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase-- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. 

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. 

 **********

Class 5 

Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?

Examples on Video. 

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM 

**********

 Class 6 

How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program

Help Line Support and Support Groups. 

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM 

 ***********

Class 7 

Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?

Open Forum ..

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. 

 ***********

Class 8 

Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT! 

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. 

 ***********

Class 9 

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials. 

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. 

 **********

Class 10 

How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.

Driving Simulations. 

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

************

Class 11 

Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined 

 ************

Class 12 

How to Shop by Yourself. 

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours

"Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT 3-26-2022

TNT:

Mot:  He definitely needs to find a new DMV…

The lady at the DMV took my picture for the license/registration. Then she asked “body type?”

“Um, slim to average… I guess…?”

“Of the vehicle.”

“Oh.”

She laughs hysterically for 3 minutes*

Now she is telling all her coworkers and I can never show my face here again.

— Matthew Ca

Mot:  ... LOL - Maybe - but Not Today! ~~~

Mot:  Things to get Prepared for when Raising the ""Wee Folks"" ~~

Mot:  ...... as the ""Wee Folks"" Season! ~~~~did her best

Mot:  .. Relationship Tips fer Women Only! ~~~

Mot: .. Will You Please Talk to me!! ~~~~

Mot:  ooooh lordy! ~~~ Gloom Despair And Agony On Me (tall girls) ~~~~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHcEWhbQkEg

Sunday Night "Humor While We Wait"

Humor While We Wait

** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
  
24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.

25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit  Laughing!         
                                                                      
Heal the past, live the present, dream the future.  

Enjoy life!!!

TNT:

Mot:  Judi is speaking to her psychiatrist.

Judi: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

J: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.

P: "Uh ... How's that working?"

J. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

P. "And why do you think that is?"

J. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

************

Mot: A lady was on holiday and driving through Darwin.

She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, then she shouted,

"Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free".

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try"!

The Deer Lady headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the river bank where he spots the same young Deer woman standing waist deep in the murky water, a shotgun in her hand

Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river.

Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The Deer Lady struggled and flipped the Croc onto it's back - Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out.........

" CHIT! CHIT! CHIT! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO"!

*************

Mot: Pregnancy Q&A ~~~~~~~~~

Places to Retire Post RV!!

Humor While we wait:

Subject: PLACES TO RETIRE

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where

1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR

You can retire to California where...

1.  You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2.  The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3.  You know how to eat an artichoke.
4.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 
5.  The four seasons are:  Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

OR
You can retire to New York City where...

1   You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.  You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5.  You've worn out a car horn.  (IF you have a car.)
6.  You think eye contact is an act of aggression

OR
You can retire to Wisconsin where...

1.  You only have three spices:  salt, pepper and ketchup.
2.  Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3.  You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5.  The four seasons are:  almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair. 
6.  The highest level of criticism is "He is different,"  "She is different," or "It was different!"
7.  A five foot blonde who weighs 180 lbs is considered anorexic.
 
 OR
You can retire to The Deep South where...

1.  You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2  "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3.  "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4.  Everyone has two first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5.  Everything is either:  "in yonder,"  "over yonder"  or "out yonder."
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart" at the end!
 

OR
You can move to Colorado where...

1.  You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2.  You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3.  A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4.  The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...  

1.  You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2.  Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3.  You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4.  You end sentences with a preposition;  "Where's my coat at?" 
 
OR
FINALLY you can retire to Florida where...

1.  You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.  All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3.  Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4.  Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5.  Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
 
OR just stay where you are and complain about the same thing you complain about everyday..lol