Friday Night "Humor While We Wait"

From Recaps Archives

Humor while we wait~ The Best Time For an RV

Midnight to 2 am est......The business day begins in Iraq

9 am est.........banks are open

12 noon est.....west coast banks are open

3 pm est.....Hawaii banks are open

5 pm est.....banks close

8 pm est.....west coast banks are closed

11 pm est....Hawaii banks close

Sunday 5 pm est....Forex updates

Monday......9 am est...make appt for Tuesday

Tuesday....All banks 'sync'

Wednesday......because they forgot to announce it on Tuesday

Thursday.....because its would be great to be in the bank and have money for the weekend

Friday.........Iraq likes Friday

Saturday.....because we have the day off and could still salvage the broke weekend

Anytime America or Iraq has a holiday on a Monday or Friday.......because Dr. Shabbibi always said he needs the banks closed for three days.

Anytime after the morning prayers and announcements in the Mosque in Iraq

After the lower denominations are are distributed.

Immediately after the rate change is posted on the CBI website

24-72 hours after the button is pushed

After President leaves the country......he can't be in country when it happens

As soon as the 'bad guys' are put in jail and the  'cabal' is dealt with

Anytime now since the 'good guys' took the money away from the cabal

After the Prosperity Packages are delivered

When the Black SUV's leave the gurus alone

Any day ending in y

When purple pigs fly.....

Originally posted by PatrickJane at TNT:

**

Forget Newton and Galileo.  Here are the real laws of nature: 

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.  

5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
....

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
 
If you don’t forward this your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

A Quick Thinker:

A man in a grocery store tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce, but the man persists so the boy says he'll ask his manager.
 
Walking into the back room, the boy says to his manager, "Some jerk wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
 
As he finishes his sentence, he turns to find the man standing right behind him, so he adds, "And the gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
 
 The manager approves the deal, and the man goes on his way.
 
Later the manager says to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here.
 
Where are you from son?"
 
"Canada, sir, : the boy replies.
 
"Well, why did you leave Canada?"
 
The boy says, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and hockey players up there."
 
"Really?" says the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
 
"No kidding?" the boy replies. "Who'd she play for?"