Sunday Night "Humor While We Wait"
Humor While We Wait
** Adult Truths ***
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit Laughing!
Heal the past, live the present, dream the future.
Enjoy life!!!
TNT:
Mot: Judi is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Judi: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
J: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.
P: "Uh ... How's that working?"
J. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
P. "And why do you think that is?"
J. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
************
Mot: A lady was on holiday and driving through Darwin.
She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, then she shouted,
"Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free".
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try"!
The Deer Lady headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the river bank where he spots the same young Deer woman standing waist deep in the murky water, a shotgun in her hand
Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river.
Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The Deer Lady struggled and flipped the Croc onto it's back - Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out.........
" CHIT! CHIT! CHIT! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO"!
*************
Mot: Pregnancy Q&A ~~~~~~~~~
