"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Sabickford

Recaps Note: Thanks Sabickford ….for all the chuckles over all these years!

Humor While We Wait

Sabickford:   I'm not saying it's hot outside but two Hobbits just threw a ring into my backyard

Warning- going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday

I want to start juicing but I'm hesitant, I don't know how to juice Tacos

I've finally lost my mind. If found Don't bother to return it. It wasn't working properly anyway.

For the first time in forever, I decided to go shoot some pool tonight. You should have seen the look on the face of those swimmers.

Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

I had My Wife Begging to me the other night - She was on her knees Begging - She Said Please come out from under the Bed and Fight Like A Man

I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell her to tell me to do…

Chinese proverb: "Man who want nurse for girlfriend must be patient"

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

I'm great at multi-tasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Tomorrow is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day!" I just made that up. Tell the Others,

I was born with my heart on my sleeve, a fire in my soul, and a mouth I can't control

Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you

It's ok to swallow your pride, You won't gain a pound

Inside me is a thin man trying to get out…I usually shut him up with chocolate.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.

I hate it when the voices in my heads go Silent… I never know what they are planning.

How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I have to eat before I start seeing results?

Wouldn't it be really fun if breast implants came with Squeaky toys inside them?

I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces from now and then.

Nothing Says 'I HATE YOU" like giving someone's Kid a Drum Set

TEENAGERS tired of being harassed by your parents? ACT NOW move out, get a job, and Pay your own way , QUICK while you still know everything!

A State trooper was asked on a Exam "What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?" In the Blank he put "Call for Backup!!!"

The cashier said Strip down, facing me. How was I to know she meant my debit card?

To All Trolls - So tell me.. Is your butt aware that you head had moved in?

When people cut you down or talk behind your back remember, they took time out of their pathetic lives to think about you.

You're not drunk until you have to grab onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth.

Sometimes life bites you in the Butt. Thankfully I have enough padding there to take the hit.

I sometimes put a sticky note on someone's car saying "Sorry for the Damage" . It's kind of funny watching them look for the damage.

Be the reason someone smiles today! Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.

I need a part-time job that pays $30,000 a week.

My brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by…

Don't they already have enough comedians in Politics?

Karma is like a rubber band. You can only stretch it so far before it comes back and SMACKS you in the face.

Never water yourself down just because someone can't handle you 100 proof

A police office came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 & 6. He seemed annoyed when I answered 'Kindergarten"

The more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap. Stay Safe - Eat cake.

I'm 100% sure I called shotgun, while you were shoving me in the back. Yea I realize I'm being arrested but the rules of shotgun are pretty clear, Man.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you need to be 'Saved" or you will "Burn". Stupid Firemen

I started on a new diet. It's called the "I have $10 until Friday" diet

Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me

If procrastination was an Olympic Sport, I'd compete in it later.

I Think my problem is that I have really Fantastic bad ideas

I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.

Don't believe all the rumors you hear about me, the truth is much worse.

Old People at weddings always poke me and say "You're Next!" So I started doing the same thing to them at Funerals.

I Hate Tacos! Said No Juan Ever

I have been putting a lot of thought into it and I don't think being an adult will work for me.

Sometimes the first steps to forgiveness is understanding the other person is an idiot.

I hate the term "Crazy" - I Prefer Happy with Benefits.

When I was a kid you didn't have to say "Don't Try This At Home!" Because we weren't complete morons back then.

I believe that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise

When does Hibernation start because I am 100% participating in that.

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain has given hope to many people.

Insanity is Hereditary. You get it from your kids.