TNT:

Mot:  Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.

So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn."

So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped hi m on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

Mot: 'Did you you say that?' he hissed at the parrot

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, Jesus knows you're here. He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard Jesus is watching you.

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you you say that?' he hissed at the parrot

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked. I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

TNT:

Mot:  One day a father on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.

One day a father on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.

He stops at a toy store and goes in and asks the sales person, “how much for one of those Barbies in the display window?”

The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95”.

The amazed father asks: “It’s what? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”

TNT:

Mot:  Ferrari Driver Pulls Up Next To A Senior On A Moped, And Can’t Believe His Own Eyes

A doctor goes out and buys the fastest and flashiest car he can find, a brand new Ferrari 488, costing him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. An old man on a moped, looking about 80 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor grins and replies, “A brand new Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?”

“Because this car can do up to 225 miles an hour!” states the doctor proudly.

The old moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?”

“No problem,” replies the doctor.

TNT:

Mot: "You need to use 'Big People' words," ..........

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

"I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

"I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words." She then asked little Alec what he had done.

Old Expressions

There are some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included "Dont touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry."

Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. Wed put on our best bib and tucker just to straighten up and fly right.

Hubba-hubba! Wed cut a rug in some juke joint and then go necking and petting and smooching and spooning and billing and cooing and pitching woo in hot rods and jalopies in some passion pit or lovers lane.

Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumpin Jehoshaphat! Holy moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldnt accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China !