What Your Relationship with Money Reveals About You
What Your Relationship with Money Reveals About You
...and Why Romantic Partners Often Fight Over Finances
By Seth J. Gillihan Ph.D. Think, Act, Be
Money is a complicated topic. Most of us tend to feel uncomfortable talking about it, and might even prefer to reveal aspects of our sex lives than to divulge our income.
Even if we spend countless hours thinking of ways to make more money, we may not give much thought to how we relate to money. But when you pay attention to your relationship with money, you can gain some important insights into yourself.
Your Mindset
Do you feel like there’s never enough money, and always too many expenses? Does it pain you to spend money? You may have a scarcity mindset, as described by Steven Covey in his bestselling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. With this mindset, you see money and other resources as zero-sum games—with more for others meaning less for you and vice versa.
With a scarcity mindset, you might feel bad whether the money is coming in or going out. Paying money to others feels bad because you see it as less money for you, and receiving money can lead to guilt about “taking money from others.”
I noticed my scarcity mindset a few years ago when my income temporarily went up. I was looking forward to putting the extra money toward savings and doing something fun with our family—and then we had a whopping Emergency Room bill and a flood in our basement. I felt bitter disappointment that all of the money went toward covering these bills.
“We’re so afraid if we give something, we lose something,” said "Zen Millionaire" Ken Honda, author of Happy Money, whom I recently interviewed on the Think Act Be podcast. But in reality, spending and receiving money are part of a cycle.
“If you spend $100, it goes into somebody’s hand, who will spend the $100 somewhere else, and in the end that $100 comes back to you,” he said. “That’s how the economy goes.”
“If you find yourself out of the cycle,” he continued, “that means you’re not living. Life is found in this cycle.” Embracing that cycle of giving and receiving is the abundance mentality.
In my own example, I caught my thinking and was able to shift my perspective. Rather than feeling cheated out of money that I thought I would have, I realized I had been given exactly as much money as I needed to pay for unexpected bills. It was all part of a well-functioning system.
2. Your Past
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