Someone Owe You Money? How To Get It Back Without Ruining the Relationship
Someone Owe You Money? How To Get It Back Without Ruining the Relationship
By Laura Woods July 9, 2021
You lent money to a friend or family member and they haven’t paid you back. Since you thought this was a short-term arrangement — and definitely not a gift — you feel like it’s time to ask for repayment, but you’re stressed about it. This is a person you care about, so you don’t want to strain your relationship. However, you need your money back, so you’re willing to initiate this uncomfortable conversation, but you want to do it the right way.
“On many occasions the way we ask for the money to be paid back can be truly detrimental,” said Maryanne Parker, founder of Manor of Manners etiquette consulting. She said the best way to ask depends on your relationship with the other person, the amount of money owed and the situation.
“If you are lending money to your brother or a sister, you definitely won’t feel uncomfortable asking for the money back — especially if it is an ongoing family situation,” she said. “If we are lending money to someone else, then we can use different techniques without ruining the relationships.”
Having proper communication from the beginning is a must, Parker said. This includes making it clear you’re lending them the money — not giving it to them — and want to be repaid within a specific timeframe.
“On some occasions people get confused or misunderstand the situation — especially if there is known ‘financial superiority,’ when one of the parties is doing better financially because [they have] a better job, career, business and so on,” she said.
She said it’s also important to be understanding because it’s possible the other person is very aware they owe you money but is in a difficult financial situation.
“They might even feel much more uncomfortable than us, just because they are in need,” she said. “Owing money to someone puts us in a very vulnerable situation and if we want to keep the relationships going, we should be understanding.”
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