Does F.I.R.E. Prevent Divorces?
Does F.I.R.E. Prevent Divorces?
By FIRECracker April 26, 2021
The F.I.R.E. movement, which stands for Financial Independence, Retire Early.
In my last post about not losing yourself in retirement, reader Steve posted an interesting question in the comments:
“Any thoughts on the FIRE couples that get divorced? One would think that not having money issues (the #1 stressor for married people) and achieving a monumental goal together would strengthen that bond, but apparently there is more to it.” –Steve
This got me thinking. If money, which is the #1 reason why couples break up, is no longer an issue, why are FIRE couples still getting divorced?
Now, I’m no relationship expert and this is me taking a wild stab at it, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt. Having seen some friends and family get divorced for reasons other than money, I’ve noticed that marital problems don’t just drop on a couple by surprise and then explode their marriage like a grenade. Instead, they pile on gradually like a gentle snowfall. And because it sneaks up on you, you don’t realize until it’s too late that you’re trapped in a blizzard, praying you won’t die a horrible frostbitten death.
I’m not sure how I stumbled on this, but marriage counsellors recognize something called the “Four horsemen of the marriage apocalypse.” These are patterns they see over and over again in seemingly predict marriages that are destined to fail. Intrigued, I started reading up on them and realized, yup, in pretty much every divorce I’ve witnessed, the patterns they describe are eerily familiar.
Curious? Well, here they are…
HORSEMAN #1: CRITICISM
No relationship is perfect, and we’ve all playfully criticized our spouses from time to time. In fact, “taking the piss” and mocking your spouse just shows how much you love them. For example, Wanderer loves it when I make fun of his weak, little girl arms (Wanderer is glaring at me for some reason as I write this). And I love it when he laughs at me for not being able to figure out how to unlock a door.
But when that criticism happens on a daily basis with the intention to hurt the other person, it’s a sign that a relationship could bite it. And when I say criticism, I don’t mean complaints, which are related to actions, like “you didn’t do the dishes!” or “you forgot to take out the trash again!” I mean, nasty, soul-destroying insults that stab you like a steak knife straight through the heart.
Eg. “You’re so lazy! All your friends are more successful than you and all you do is bum around the house.”
Eg. “You’re so selfish! You never think about anyone else but you!”
If your spouse is bombarding you with more criticism than an overbearing tiger mother, this is one of the first signs that your marriage is in trouble.
HORSEMAN #2: CONTEMPT
To continue reading, please go to the original article here:
https://www.millennial-revolution.com/freedom/does-fire-prevent-divorces/