TNT:

Mot:  “Great…how do you want your eggs?“…the waiter asked.

A COUPLE went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “seniors' special” was two Eggs, Bacon, Hash Browns, and Toast for $2.99.

“Sounds good,” the wife said…“but I don't want the eggs..”

“Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,”…the waiter warned her.

“You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?”…the wife asked incredulously.

“YES!”… stated the waiter.

“I'll take the special then,”…the wife said..

“Great…how do you want your eggs?“…the waiter asked.

The Difference Between Man and Woman!  

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.

They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:

"Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?" And then, there is silence in the car. To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that.

Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

TNT:

Rem6330:  Church Ladies With Typewriters    They're Back!  

Those wonderful Church Bulletins!  Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.  These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:  

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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Scoutsare saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.  'The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Mot:  RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Mot:  ... ooooooh - oooooh -oooooh deeeeer! - ((( Uve beeeeeen Warneded )))

 Olaf the Norseman is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.

"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.

"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."

"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."

Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.

At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.

TNT:

Mot:  Pilot “Gripe Sheet”

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Mot:  ... Amazing!!! MORE Top Information frum ole ""Mot"" of course!!

April 1 is named FOOL'S DAY, after Steve April.

 He was born on 1st April 1579.

 He did 105 businesses in his lifetime.

 He lost all his father's assets, and so everyone started calling him father of the fools.

 At 19, he married a 61-year-old woman who divorced him after a year because of his foolishness.

 He used to read all kinds of fake stories like you are doing now.

TNT:

Mot: ..Well, I've officially lost my mind...just thought you all should know.

Well, I've officially lost my mind...just thought you all should know.

The other night I was packing for a trip and I wanted to bring my favorite pajamas.

I checked my dresser drawer and they weren't in there so I checked the hamper. No pajamas.

Checked the random clothing on the floor. Not there either.

Checked the washer. Checked the dryer. No pajamas.

Baffled at this point, I began checking the kids' hampers. No pajamas.

Checked the kids' dressers to see if they were put in there by accident.

Still no pajamas.

Mot: Irish Sunday School

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,

'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my  money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!'