Saturday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot At TNT

Mot:  Why Some Men Have A Dog And No Wife:...............

Why Some Men Have A Dog And No Wife:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

And last, but not least:

12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.
Then open it and see who's happy to see you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Mot:  . ooooohhh - the magic Ya Gets from Raising the ""Wee Folks"" Sandals for birthday

Mot: . Puts Me foot Down I Did!! - Made the Big Decision!!! - Sooo I'm travel the world

"Humor While We Wait" Chuckles from Sabickford and Recaps Archives

Sabickford:  One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... l The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.....

My wife and I were at her high school reunion. She kept staring at a drunk swigging his drink at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up years ago. I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started...

Our lawn mower broke. My wife kept hinting that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something to do first, always important to me. She thought of a way to make her point. I came home from work to find her seated in the grass, snipping with a tiny pair of scissors. I watched then went into the house. I came out and handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but always with a limp.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started......

Saturday morning I got up early and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. I turned on the radio. It said the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" That's how the fight started...

I went to the Social Security office to apply. The lady behind the counter asked me for my ID. I realized I had left my wallet at home. I said I'll have to come back later. The Lady said, 'Open your shirt'. I showed my silver hair. She said, 'That's is proof enough for me' and processed application. When I got home, I told my wife what happened. She said, 'Next Time drop your pants. You would have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started...

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect." And then the fight started........

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace

When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It is difficult only for others. It is the same if you are stupid.

I'm just waiting to see if my coffee chooses to use it's power for good or evil today.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind," Dr Seuss

Her: You never listen to me. You only hear what you want to hear!" Me. " Yes I would like a Beer"

My Dentist said I need a crown. I was like "I know right?"

I need a vacation. And by "Vacation" I mean I need to move away, find a new job on a beach with rum.

I never called you stupid but when I asked you how you spelled Mississippi and you asked me it I was talking about the state or the river, you kind of caught me off guard.

Way too many of my stories end up with " and That's why I'm not allowed to go back there anymore"

I'm so broke my nervous breakdown is on layaway

Wife came in from shopping. Husband was holding a fly swatter. Did you get them? she asked. Yup. 3 males and 2 females. How do you know that? 3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone!

I tried cooking supper with wine tonight-- Didn't go so well. After 5 glasses I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.

Don't forget to buy a bottle for Mom (Mother's Day) Remember you are the reason she drinks.

The secret of enjoying a good wine - 1. Open bottle to allow it to breathe. 2. If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth to mouth

Attention All Drama Queens - Auditions have been canceled for today!

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.

I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

I want to start juicing but I'm hesitant to start. I don't know how to juice Tacos.

I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer screen will say, "Your password is incorrect."

I'm great at multi-tasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Tomorrow is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day!" I just made that up. Tell the Others,

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking

I had My Wife Begging to me the other night - She was on her knees Begging - She Said Please come out from under the Bed and Fight Like A Man

For the first time in forever, I decided to go shoot some pool tonight. You should have seen the look on the face of those swimmers.

I've finally lost my mind. If found Don't bother to return it. It wasn't working properly anyway.

I'm Living in a drama free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, Respect it!

I have zero tolerance for racism, Turkey Bacon, decaf Coffee, and Non-Alcoholic Beer

If your Significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now You're Super Mad!". If they Laugh, Marry Them

Why Weigh yourself? You could set yourself on Fire and then roll in Broken glass and still feel the same way.

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree. That makes it a plant, therefore , Chocolate counts as a salad. You're Welcome.

When you see my head tilt to the right and I start to stare into space, I would RUN! The voices inside my head gave me a brilliant idea. Be very Afraid!

Never ask a woman eating ice cream straight from the carton if she is OK

Today I bought a doughnut without the sprinkles. Diets are hard.

You may not have lost all your marbles, but there's definitely a hole in your bag.

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. So have fun and give them something to talk about.

Some say that their body it a temple…Mine is a bouncy castle

Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says 'Already Disturbed, Proceed with Caution".

Now, If you'll excuse me, Tonight's bad decision isn't going to make itself.

"Marriage Quips" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  Here’s a little collection of the funniest, most relatable marriage quips I’ve come across in January of 2024.

Hope these add some laughs to your day!   Janene

#1 Oh boy…

My husband is taking me on a shopping spree for my bday. I am dressed like I’m about to run a 5k. He is dressed like we are going to a fancy dinner. I gently explained that he grossly underestimated my ability to go the distance and he better hope his shoes are comfortable.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer)

#2 Rookie mistake, buddy…

Let’s all bow our heads and pray for my husband who very tragically asked me what I did all day.

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux)

#3 Sounds familiar!

Wife: Let’s watch Netflix.
Me: Ok. [starts movie]
Wife: [sleeping]
Me [pausing]: OMG we are two seconds into it.
Wife: What?
Me: You’re sleeping.
Wife: I’m not sleeping. Press Play.
Me: [presses Play]
Wife: [sleeping]

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix)

#4 I have a lot of things in my purse, but I’ll admit a burrito is not one of them LOL!

My wife just told me to get a burrito from the front pocket of her purse and I've never been more in love in my life.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

#5 We all know the outcome of this…

Five words that absolutely terrify my husband: “I'll go check for myself."

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy)

#6 How about Amazon trucks that start selling ice cream??

How ‘bout Amazon trucks that play music like ice cream trucks so my wife knows when to go running out to the curb.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish)

#7 Women are prepared for anything…

My wife literally has everything in her purse.

Today I needed tissues, a hammer, peanut butter and dice.

She had 2 of each.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy)

#8 Sounds about right!

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room , dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 8, 2024

#9 My daughter did this the other day…

One minute you’re happily married and the next minute he’s cut open a resealable Costco-sized bag.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids)

#10 Good luck with that…

At the store when my wife texted from home, "THERE IS SOMETHING HUGE MOVING AROUND IN THE ATTIC" so I think I'll just hang out here in Aisle 5 for a while.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix)

#11 Being snowed in in 1982 and being snowed in today are two different stories!

Me: You know, one nice thing about being snowed in all week is we haven't had to spend any money.

Wife: (clicking add to cart) So nice.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland)

#12 Well played, my friend…

I was annoyed at my husband for misplacing his sunglasses again. After retracing our steps, I realized I was actually sitting on them in the car. So, I threw them under his seat and became the hero when I found them.

Follow me for more marriage advice.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy)

#13 I do miss my kids being little but I do not miss all the birthday parties!

Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland)

#14 I admit I’m a little guilty of this…

Mornings when my wife can sleep in:

Me: [tiptoeing around, whispering to kids, wearing only socks, using AirPods to keep the TV volume and Zoom meetings from disturbing her]

Mornings when I can sleep in:

Wife: DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT A SMOOTHIE [sound of blender]

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix)

#15 Accurate!

Marriage is driving by gas stations and announcing the prices.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy)

#16 I just ask my son, a TV and film buff who never forgets a fact…he’s like a walking, talking IMDB…

every relationship needs one person who says “What else has he been in” while watching something and one person who excitedly reads their IMDB out loud

— buffalo bill dan (@FranziaMom)

#17 LOL, my husband and his Android ruin all of our group chats…

me: having a blended family is challenging

person: you and your wife have kids from different marriages?

me: no, we have Android and iPhones in our family group chat

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ Dad Moon Rising 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla)

#18 Oh, that can’t be good…

I texted my wife asking how her day was going and she wrote back DO WE HAVE LIMES so I guess there's my answer.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix)

#19 That’s fair…

My wife changed the password on the TV because I watched one of our shows when she wasn't home.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy)

Mot: Clever He Is!!    

Mot:  I'll Beeeeeee Right There!!!!!

"Bits and Pieces" Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"

A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

Mot:  .... "I know what the Bible means!"

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"

His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"

"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly,"       It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

****************

Mot:  A Glass Of Milk...............

To pay for his education, a poor boy used to sell goods from door to door. One day, the young boy found he was really hungry but had no money to buy any food. He decided to ask for something to eat when he knocked on the front door of the next house.

A beautiful young woman opened the door, and the boy lost his nerve. He simply asked for a drink of water, too embarrassed to ask for food. The young woman brought him a glass of milk, which the boy greedily drank.

The boy asked her how much he owed, but she simply smiled and said her mother had taught her to be kind to others and never expect anything in return. The young boy left the woman's home with a full tummy and a heart full of renewed strength to push on with his education and continue working hard. Just when he was ready to quit, the woman had instilled in him newfound faith and fortitude.

Years later, in a big city, renowned surgeon Dr. Howard Kelly was called to consult on a woman who was suffering from a rare disease. When the woman told him the name of the small town where she lived, Dr. Kelly felt a faint memory arise in his mind, and then suddenly recognition dawned on him. She was the woman who had given him the glass of milk many years ago.

The doctor went on to provide the woman with the very best care and made sure she received special attention. In fact, it was his skills as a doctor that saved her life. After a long and difficult hospitalization, the woman was finally ready for discharge home. The woman was worried it would take her years to settle her account with the hospital. Her serious illness and long hospital stay had produced a substantial bill. However, when she received the bill, she found that Dr. Kelly had paid the entire bill himself and written a small note for her.

The note simply stated: Paid in full with a glass of milk.

Mot: . Not Sure What Direction I should Gogh 

Mot: ... and Now Ya Knows - WHO!!!! 

Friday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  Teacher Has Hilarious Reply When Asked Why Teachers Drink.

There is a group of people who have some problems that are very unique. These are the people who are responsible for shaping the next generation and how they handle things is going to make a difference in all of our futures.

There are times, however, when all of their efforts fall flat and you just have to smile and hope for the best. That fact is clearly seen in these answers to last year’s GED exam.

After you read them, you might just want to buy a ticket on the next rocket ship off of this rock.

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16-year-olds).

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs ..

Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section.’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A.. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

Mot: ... Trust Me -- its a Marital Thingy! --- beeee Careful out there!!!

Mot: How Exciting - A Baby in Ur Future!!!

Mot: and Yet Another ""Parenting Awareness Tip "" frum ole ""Mot"" of course!! 

Mot:  and Sum More Insight into Raising the ""Wee Folks"" 

How Popeye’s Obsession With Spinach Was Created From Glaring Misprint

How Popeye’s Obsession With Spinach Was Created From Glaring Misprint

Mistake from scientist led to signature feature of iconic cartoon

Popeye reaches for a can of spinach in a still from an unidenitified Popeye film, c. 1945. (Image by Paramount Pictures/Courtesy of Getty Images) (Paramount Pictures, Getty Images)

One of the most iconic cartoons of all time is “Popeye the Sailor,” and believe it or not, there is a day that has been created to honor the fictional character.

That day is today, but before any fans of the cartoon delve into celebrating Popeye The Sailor Man Day, they might not know how spinach consumption became the source of Popeye’s strength and a signature staple of the cartoon.

****************

It actually came about due to a mistake from a scientist.

The illustrator of the cartoon, E.C. Seegar, chose spinach as the source of Popeye’s strength — and the way to get energy to defeat the bad guys — mainly because he read on a label that spinach had lots of iron in it.

The problem was that it didn’t have as much iron as Seegar thought.

In 1870, German chemist Erich Von Wolfe wrote up that spinach contained 35 milligrams of iron per 100-gram serving, but he misplaced a decimal point.

He meant to write it up as 3.5 milligrams, and that wasn’t corrected until 1937. But by then, Popeye had well been established as a series of cartoons (it started to be shown in theaters in 1933).

In fact, Popeye was credited with saving the spinach industry in the 1930s because the cartoon was credited with creating a 33% increase in sales, according to Business Insider.

Of course, it’s not like spinach is a bad vegetable for Popeye to consume for strength.

It’s loaded with an assortment of vitamins, minerals, nutrients and antioxidents that have a numerous health benefits, including reducing the risk of damage to the brain and nervous system, maintaining gastrointestinal health, muscle growth, bone and skin health, helping with vision and keeping blood sugar stable.

There are also some potential side effects of consuming spinach, and both pros and cons are listed in this article by MedicineNet.

But as fans of Popeye pay tribute today, the tale of his obsession with spinach is a life reminder that sometimes glaring mistakes can lead to incredible success stories.

 Graham Media Group 2024

To continue reading, please go to the original article here:

https://www.wsls.com/features/2024/01/17/how-popeyes-obsession-with-spinach-was-created-from-glaring-misprint/

POPEYE® THE SAILOR MAN DAY | January 17

POPEYE® THE SAILOR MAN DAY | January 17

 January 17 marks the 95th Birthday of the world’s most famous spinach loving, nautical hero — it's Popeye the Sailor Man! Today, we are taking epic strides to honor this legendary sailor who is tough and fit with tons of grit, as one of America’s most renown, pop-culture icons. After all, he yam what he yam!

#PopeyeTheSailorManDay

Popeye is the seeming underdog with bulging forearms, a mean uppercut, and a love of canned spinach. He is a defender of the weak and protector of those he loves. As the embodiment of strength and fitness, Popeye inspires us all to work hard, care for others, be persistent, and stay strong to the finish. Of course, all with the help of a hefty amount of spinach. In 2024, we are celebrating 95 years of this iconic figure, and the timeless inspiration Popeye has brought to billions of people. 

Popeye was created by Elzie Crisler (E.C) Segar and made his first appearance in the comic strip "Thimble Theatre" on January 17, 1929. Originally created as a minor character, Popeye quickly became a super star. By 1938, the comic changed its name to “Popeye,” creating one of the most iconic cultural comic strips of all time.

Popeye has appeared in 1000s of comic strips, over 600 cartoon episodes, and over 100 books since his creation. Today, he has over 9.6 million followers on social media! Popeye is ingrained in pop culture and is one of the most recognizable and beloved cartoon characters in the world.

15 Fun Facts about Popeye®

1. Popeye is 10 years younger than Olive Oyl! He walked on to her strip, “Thimble Theatre,” as a bit character in 1929 and became so popular the strip was eventually renamed “Popeye.”

2. Before spinach became the source of Popeye’s super strength, his power came from rubbing the head of a magical Whiffle Hen named Bernice!

3. Popeye is known as Braccio di Ferro (“Iron Arm”) in Italy, Karl Alfred in Sweden, and Skipper Skraek ("Terror of the Sea") in Denmark.

4. Popeye made his silver screen debut on July 14, 1933 appearing in the Betty Boop cartoon entitled "Popeye the Sailor." The cartoon was produced by Fleischer Studios and distributed by Paramount Pictures. 

5. The song "I'm Popeye the Sailor Man" was released in 1933. Composed by Sammy Lerner, the song gave birth to one of Popeye’s most famous catch phrases “I’m strong to da finich ‘cause I eats me spinach.”

6. Popeye is recognized for his influence on America's spinach consumption, so much so that Crystal City, TX, the Spinach Capital of the World, erected a statue in his honor in 1937.

7. The Popeye Village in Malta was developed for the 1980 Popeye movie starring Robin Williams. The village still exists today and has grown into a major tourist attraction in the Maltese Islands.

8. Popeye has inspired many iconic pop-artists over the year, including Andy Warhol (1961), Roy Lichtenstein (1961) and Jeff Koons (2002).

9. In Summer 1976, Tokyo based Magazine House launches the “Popeye” magazine. The magazine was the first fashion and lifestyle magazine to be published in Japan that targets young, Japanese men. The magazine is named “Popeye” because the creator’s son was a fan.

10. In 1957, Popeye’s balloon first appeared in the Macy’s Day parade. Interestingly, Olive Oyl became the first female balloon to join the parade in the early 1980’s.

11. Popeye was featured as the Google Doodle in 2009 to honor creator E.C. Segar’s birthday.

12. Popeye is a clean ocean advocate and ambassador for ocean conservation and clean up organization known as The SeaCleaners.

13. Chester, IL, the birthplace of Popeye creator, E.C. Segar, honors hometown hero the Popeye & Friends Character Trail. Every year, granite statues representing the wide cast of characters from Segar’s Thimble Theatre cartoon strips are added to the trail throughout the city.

14. Good Housekeeping’s Nutrition Lab awarded Popeye the “Good Housekeeping Nutritionist Approved Emblem” in their January/February 2024 issue to celebrate his decades-long commitment to healthy eating, fitness as well as his efforts in ocean conservation. Popeye is the first "person" to receive this honor.

15. New Popeye comic strips are still released weekly! You can find the latest strip by Randy Milholland at ComicsKingdom.com.

 To continue reading, please go to the original article here:

https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-day/popeye-the-sailor-man-day-january-17

Saturday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  I had a phone conversation today with a very nice chap. This is how it went:

 "Hello sir, how are you today?"

"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And more to the point, WHO are you?"

"Sir, my name is Mike, and I'm calling you from Microsoft"

"Mike from Microsoft, eh?

" Yes, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"

"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"

"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -”

"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer"

"You don't?"

"I don't"

"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir"

"Don't have one"

"Ipad?"

"Nope"

"Tablet?"

"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone"

After a few seconds of silence he said "Ah sir, you are lying to me now!"

I said "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.

************

Mot:  “From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor”

“Of course child. What may I do for you”

“Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me.. Hide it under your robes perhaps”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,” she replied.

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare”

“From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor”

Father replied, “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next please!”

Mot: ......... Uh Oh!! --- Warning!~!!

Mot:  .. Sum insight into ""Online Dating"" 

Mot: ... sssshhhhhhh -- This un is fer ""Guys Only"" Secret Stuff You see....

New Years "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  It's almost 2024, and I still have so many unanswered questions!!!!

I haven’t found out who let the dogs out!

where’s the beef?

How to get to Sesame Street?

Why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps?

Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Why eggs are packaged in a flimsy carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails?

What does the fox say?

Why “abbreviated” is such a long word?

Why is there a D in ‘fridge’ but not in refrigerator???

Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts” where’s that extra penny going to??

Why does The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs?

Just what exactly is Victoria’s secret?

Finally where is Waldo???

*************

Mot: .... Ya gots to Plan Ahead!!!

Mot:  Sooooooooo -- What Exactly is a ~~~~~~new years resolution

Mot:  . Say!!! --- Can I borrow your doggie?

Mot: works Every Year it Does... 

Mot: decisions ... decisions ... decisions

Christmas "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  The Little Angel on the Top of the Christmas Tree!

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.

*************

Mot: ... ole ""Earl"" - a Man after me own Heart! – LOL

Mot:  She's going to love it. She keeps asking me what it is but she'll just after wait.

Mot:  .. Not Meeeee... Noooppers!! ((( Heee heee heeee )))

Mot:  .. Not Again!!!???... Maybe This Year!!! 

Mot: . Wellllllllllll - This is a Bummer!!! ~~~

Mot: ...... Happy Moments

Christmas "Humor While We Wait" posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  The Christmas Doll from Santa !!!!.............

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose
over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted
was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must
be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's
kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung
sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put
on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love
doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to
go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't
go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an
hour saying things like, 'What does this do?'
'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy
that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll
section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could
also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use
the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls'
come in many different models. The top of the line,
according to the side of the box, could do things
I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled
for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the
price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump,
Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during
the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I
filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs
and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained
of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and
giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had
been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY
happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark,
start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so
the rest of the family could admire her when they came over
for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the
door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay
said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was
Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the
ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight,
sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal
by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel,
talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting.
It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's
last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about
who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when
suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom
in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew
around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the
sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my
nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees,
and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and
sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough
examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We
discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the
back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we
restored her to perfect health..

I can't wait until next Christmas

Mot: ........ ooooooooh Nooooooooooo -- say it aint Soooooo 

Mot:  . UH OOOOOOH!!!!! 

Mot:  aaaaahhhhhhhh - Hmmmmmm -- Asking fer a Friend!!!