TNT:

Mot:  ... What do you think of that Gus?

Out here on the ranch we got this one guy Gus who would always tell the biggest whoopers.

He'd lie just about everything and anything. We knew he was always lying cause what ever came out of his mouth was always so unbelievable.

So one day me and the boy's thought we teach him a lesson and tell him a big ole lie ourselves to show him just how ridiculous he was. Well we finally cornered him one day after church and told him how we were just sitting there in church waiting for the preacher to start when all of a sudden the front church doors busted wide open and in come running in this great big ole grizzly bear.

Not far behind it was this little lil chihuahua growling and snarling at that grizzly. And can you believe it that chihuahua attack, killed and ate that big ole grizzly.

What do you think of that Gus?

Then Gus say's, 'doesn't surprise me one bit that my dog would do that'.

Mot:  The beauty of married life

 A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

From Recaps Archives:

Sabickford:  Warning- going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday

I want to start juicing but I'm hesitant, I don't know how to juice Tacos

I've finally lost my mind. If found Don't bother to return it. It wasn't working properly anyway.

For the first time in forever, I decided to go shoot some pool tonight. You should have seen the look on the face of those swimmers.

Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

I had My Wife Begging to me the other night - She was on her knees Begging - She Said Please come out from under the Bed and Fight Like A Man

I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell her to tell me to do…

TNT:

Mot:   A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel..

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.  She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"  The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. 

She insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." 

"But I didn't use them." 

Thank you Dr. Dinar!!! From Recaps Archives

Enough Talk... Let's See Some Action! by Dr. Dinar

I don't know about you but I'm pretty much done.

To the point where I'm done hearing it's done.

As in everything's done.

Done... duh duh duh DONE!

Like, really done.

Done to the point where there's nothing left to do.

Nothing left to do because it truly is done.

TNT:

Mot:  A trucker made a stop at an off-the-road café and placed his order.

“I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards.”

A blond waitress (it was her first day on the job) didn’t want to look stupid in front of the customer. So she went to the kitchen and asked the cook, ‘This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook replied. ‘Three flat tires means three pancakes. A pair of headlights means two eggs sunny side up. And a pair of running boards means 2 slices of crisp bacon!”

“Oh. OK!” said the blonde, relieved to finally understand the code words. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

Christmas With The Family

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an
hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

TNT:

Mot:  I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 

After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. 

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson.  

Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.  

And you say you have family problems.'