TNT:

Mot: I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems.'

Mot: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a ....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Cricket, Football, Golfing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crash the system.

I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

......................................................................................................

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.

Don't forget to install the Guilt update.

If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember… over-use of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Mot: ....... the MOST Critical Part of Your NEW House Will Beeeeee