Side Effects (Humor)
Side Effects (Humor)
Richard Quinn | May 4, 2020
Being confined to home—except for trips to the grocery store for “necessities”—is changing me. My frugality has evaporated, my prudent buying habits destroyed, my healthy eating falling by the wayside. What’s happening?
No doubt there is a diagnosis, but in simple terms it’s called stir-crazy—and I’ve got it bad.
I’ve made two trips to the supermarket in the past two weeks. I had a shopping list. But as a result of my affliction, I instead roamed the aisles, on occasion unintentionally violating the one-way arrows taped to the floor. I grabbed what I thought we might need, based on what I’m not sure.
On my first trip, I came home with four containers of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream, whipped cream and bananas. What was I thinking? Little of what was on my shopping list was available anyway.
Besides, as I explained to my wife, with the mask on my face, my glasses fogged up, so I wasn’t really sure what I was buying.
On my second trip, trying to fulfill my wife’s craving for chili and finding no ground beef in the meat section, I resorted to buying eight “gourmet” pre-packaged burgers for $20.
Now do you see the extent of my problem? I also left the store with two bags of chips that were on sale and two half-gallons of ice cream (which no longer contain half-gallons), as well as packages of chocolate, rice pudding and two bags of pretzels.
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