"Humor While We Wait " Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him,

A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”

“John,” the new seaman replied.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?”

“Aye, Aye Chief!”

“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”

The seaman sighed. “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”

“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do …..

Mot:   Two Servicemen Were Out Checking Gas Meters …Suddenly They Started Running Away, The Reason Why Is Hilarious!

Two gas company service men, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood.

They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.\

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck,
They realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them.

They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied,

“When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”

************

Mot:  An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

Mot:  ....... Siigggghhhhhhhhhhh!!! ~~~~~~

Not:  ..... Karma!! -- Just Love Karma! - LOL ....

CandyKisses:  THE MORE I LEARN ABOUT PEOPLE......

Sunday Night "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  A father passing by his son's bedroom noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

 I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that mari*juana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Josh

 P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home

*************

Mot:  Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc?

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling around the nurse insert the thermometer. He heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out.

He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.....

After about 20 minutes, the man's doctor came into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor. 

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confessed..... "Not with a Daffodil."

************

 Mot: ... The Rules of Marriage-Jeff Foxworthy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_g3uqin8Ck

Mot:  ... Raising the ""Wee Folks"" Takes a Lot of Thinking! -- LOL

Mot: ..... Just so You Know.. ur Not alone!! ~~~~

Mot .... Soooo Ur having a Bad Day - Hmmmmmmm ~~~

"Humor While we Wait, and Wait and WAIT....posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anyone in here who can ..............

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anyone in here who can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.”

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up ten pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all ten of the pint glasses downing them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer, as the Texan looks on in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If you don’t mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”.

The Irishman replies, “Oh, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

Mot:  .......... Beer trouble shooting chart ...........

Mot: TODAY, I WAS A HERO

Mot: . Now Why Didnt I Think of This sooner!!! 

Mot:  ....... Finally - the Truth Comes OUt!! ~~~~

Mot: ...... Uh OH!!!! ~~~~~

Mot: .. Chuck Norris - FINALLY Admitted that he ~~~

Mot:  ... ooooh ..... ooooh ..... ooooh ....

"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

 The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,

"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

 The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.

One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

 The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

 One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.

All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

 The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.

 "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

************

Mot:  Irish Sunday School

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,

'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my  money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!'

By now I was starting to smile. 'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?

Again, they all answered 'NO!'. I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six year-old boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE DEAD.SILLY..."

Mot: ... dang! - guess its True... Ya start to look like Ur Pets!! ~~

Mot: Siigghhhh - went on Safari! Flock of elephants

Mot:  .. They Know - they are sneaky --

Some "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  Her Diary: His Diary: The Difference Between Men And Women.

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

 I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him.

He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep — I cried.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Motorcycle won't start...can't figure out why.

****************

Mot:   HE MUST PAY

Husband and wife had a argument..

 Wife called up her mum and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you mum."

Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”

**********

Mot: Lottery Winner

Mot: Doing Homework

Mot: When Walking through the Museum and ~~~~~

Mot:  ooooh ---- I Shirley Hope this Doesn't Happen to Me! ~~

Yet Another ""CLEVER"" idea on Raising the ""Wee Folks"" from Mot of course!

"Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  Honesty prevented this man who has nothing to keep the $10,000 he found and returned it to its owner.

Homeless Elmer picked up a piece of paper in the street. Having examined it, the man realized that he was holding a crumpled check for 10 thousand dollars. Elmer decided to still find the owner from that moment his life changed forever.

$10,000 could have helped Elmer get through the winter, but the man thought maybe that money was all the real owner had. The name on the check was Roberta José. Elmer got to the nearest Internet cafe and started looking for her contacts.

It soon became clear that Roberta was a successful realtor. Her business was often reported in the newspapers, so Elmer was able to quickly get the woman’s number. The man talked to her, explained the situation and arranged a meeting.

Roberta was struck by the act of the homeless. She believed that someone had already cashed the check and did not expect a refund.. Moreover, Roberta said that in her youth she herself was forced to remain without a roof over her head.

As a sign of gratitude, the woman provided Elmer with an apartment, paid for his education and is now going to hire him: One true act really helped a man change his life.

10 thousand dollars would be enough for him for a couple of months, now Elmer can think about the future.

Mot:  ... and Gas was only $.35 a gallon until a gas war....

Mot: ........ I Just Love the Dieting Tips I Find on da Net! ~~~

Mot:  .. NOPPPPERS!!! --- NADDDDA!! ~~~ Thanx Any Ways! ~~

Mot:  . and Yet Another ""Dating Tip"" from Mot! ~~~

Mot: .. and Yet Another ""Marital Tip"" from Mot of Course!

Mot:  .... Hmmmmmm Might be a Cosmic Thingy! ~~~

Mot:  .. Trust me Guys! - its a Marital Thingy! - It's in the Rule Book! ~

Friday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  He was really proud of himself, having a quick, witty solution ...

This man went out with the boys, and told his wife that he would be home by midnight. At around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home. Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

 Quickly he realized she'd probably wake up so he cuckooed another 9 times.

 He was really proud of himself, having a quick, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape possible conflict.

Next morning, his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all.

Then she told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.

When he asked her why, she said "Well it cuckooed 3 times, then 'Hiccuped', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3, giggled, cuckooed 2 more times and tooted.

Mot:  I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull ......

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.

I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.

Mot:  .... and Another ""Texting Tip"" from Mot! ~~~

Mot:  .. Yet Another Joy of Becoming More Seasoned! ~~~ old band

Mot:  ...... LOL ...... Splains a few - Huh! ......

Mot:  ...... Ya Gots to be Careful What Ya Says to Kids! – LOL 

Sunday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNt

TNT:

Mot: A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

 At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, find a field in which to let the pigs mate.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer,

 "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

 The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.

 Both farmers were worn out.

 The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife,

 "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."

 "Neither," yelled his wife. "They're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."

************

Mot:  That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

So an elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

 Dear Vincent,  I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.  Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.  Love, Vinnie

 At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

 Dear Pop,  Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.   Love you,

Mot: ...... Takes Skill!! - fer Sure! ~~

Mot:  .. Yeppers! - as Ya Continue to become More Seasoned! ~~

Mot: ..... oooooh Deer! - the Things Folks Think Up ~ LOL 

Mot: .. aaaaaaahhhhhhhh --- hmmmmmmm -----siiggghhhhhhh 

Mot: .... Hmmmmmmmmmmm ....

Mot:  ..... We are NOT Alone!! --- Seeeeeeee 

Mot: ........ Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh –

Some "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  ... What do you think of that Gus?

Out here on the ranch we got this one guy Gus who would always tell the biggest whoopers.

He'd lie just about everything and anything. We knew he was always lying cause what ever came out of his mouth was always so unbelievable.

So one day me and the boy's thought we teach him a lesson and tell him a big ole lie ourselves to show him just how ridiculous he was. Well we finally cornered him one day after church and told him how we were just sitting there in church waiting for the preacher to start when all of a sudden the front church doors busted wide open and in come running in this great big ole grizzly bear.

Not far behind it was this little lil chihuahua growling and snarling at that grizzly. And can you believe it that chihuahua attack, killed and ate that big ole grizzly.

What do you think of that Gus?

Then Gus say's, 'doesn't surprise me one bit that my dog would do that'.

Mot: Hope your day's going better than mine! ....

 I was walking out of the grocery store, headed toward my car in the parking lot. I got to my car and pulled on the door to open it, but it was locked.

 “Weird”, I thought, because I didn’t remember locking my car. I clicked the button on my key to open the door - and I heard the doors unlock.

Pulled on the door again. Still locked. So I click my keys again. And again I hear the doors unlock.

But I STILL can’t get in. So I’m standing there clicking and yanking on the door handle, totally baffled, when I feel someone near me.

I turn around and it’s an older couple, just staring at me. Because I’m trying valiantly to break into THEIR car.

Which is identical to MY car, parked right next to it.

I sputtered an apology and hurried around to my car, which was now ACTUALLY locked from me clicking the stupid button so many times.

Hope your day's going better than mine!

************

Mot:  ... Back in My Growing Up Daze!! ~~~~

Back in my day there was so much Toilet Paper and Eggs that we would throw  them at the houses of our enemies!

************

Mot .... they Also Sent me a ""Singing"" Coach! – siiggghhhhhhh 

Mot:  ... Yes !!! - You Can Take it With You!! ~~~

Mot: .... Recently - on a Cold Afternoon in Buffalo! ~~~

Mot:  ....... Only in Canada!!! ~~~~~

Mot:  ~~~~ This Is Soooo Meeeee! ~~~~

"Humor While We Wait...and Wait...and Wait" from Mot at TNT

Mot:  The beauty of married life

 A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheeks.

*****************

Mot:  Remember Murphy Laws.. What Goes Wrong will Do So at the Worst Possible Time- motorcycle riding

Mot:  .... Such a Special Moment for Her! ~~~~

Mot:  Hmmm - Wondering Just How Long and How Much This Costed! ~~

Mot: .... Yeppers! - definitely- a Marital Thingy!! ~~~~

Mot .. Now This Explains What Happened! –

Mot:  ... Poor little dude's gonna be traumatized for life. 

Friday Night "Kicks and Grins" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  “My dear friend, you do not understand.........

A man was asked to paint a boat. He brought his paint and brushes and began to paint the boat a bright red, as the owner asked him.

While painting, he noticed a small hole in the hull, and quietly repaired it.

When he finished painting, he received his money and left.

The next day, the owner of the boat came to the painter and presented him with a nice check, much higher than the payment for painting.

The painter was surprised and said “You've already paid me for painting the boat Sir!”

“But this is not for the paint job. It's for repairing the hole in the boat.”

 “Ah! But it was such a small service... certainly it's not worth paying me such a high amount for something so insignificant.”

“My dear friend, you do not understand. Let me tell you what happened:

“When I asked you to paint the boat, I forgot to mention the hole.

“When the boat dried, my kids took the boat and went on a fishing trip.

“They did not know that there was a hole. I was not at home at that time.

“When I returned and noticed they had taken the boat, I was desperate because I remembered that the boat had a hole.

“Imagine my relief and joy when I saw them returning from fishing.

“Then, I examined the boat and found that you had repaired the hole!

“You see, now, what you did? You saved the life of my children! I do not have enough money to pay your 'small' good deed.”

So no matter who, when or how, continue to help, sustain, wipe tears, listen attentively, and carefully repair all the 'leaks' you find. You never know when one is in need of us, or when God holds a pleasant surprise for us to be helpful and important to someone.

Along the way, you may have repaired numerous 'boat holes' for several people without realizing how many lives you've save.

Make a difference....be the best you...

Have a blessed day

************

Mot: .... this un is gunna keep me up at night!! ~~~

Mot:  .. I Don't Think I Could Do it!! – siiggghhhhh 

Mot:  .... Hmmmmmmm - Ya So!!??? ~~~~~

Mot: ... Loving Couple!! - You Can Just Tell!! ~~~~

Mot: .. just When Ya Think Urs is Too Much... Think of Calvin! ~~~

Mot: .... More - How it goes - LOL ......