New Relationships Bring Butterflies, Excitement And … Talks Of Splitting Costs?

New Relationships Bring Butterflies, Excitement And … Talks Of Splitting Costs?

‘As confused as a goat on AstroTurf’: This retiree is annoyed his new spouse won't help pay for property taxes, maintenance and insurance — on a home she doesn't own. Who's right?

Sabina Wex  Mon, November 27, 2023

Or at least that’s been the case for one New York Times reader. A recently married retiree wrote into the paper’s advice column, “Social Q’s,” for guidance on how to convince his wife to split the costs of maintaining his home, which they both live in. While he’s already paid off the mortgage and only his name is on the deed, he’s “as confused as a goat on AstroTurf” as to why she’s not contributing to the annual property tax and insurance bills.

To be clear, the wife does pay half her share for other things, like food and the utilities bill.

“Your wife doesn’t sound like a cheapskate,” responded “Social Q’s” columnist, Philip Galanes. “There are as many ways to allocate costs in a relationship as there are couples; there is no right way.”

But how do you figure out which of those ways works best for you? Here are three things to consider when discussing how to split costs with your partner.

Percentage splitting

According to the latest data from the National Center for Health Statistics, there were 689,308 divorces in 2021. An earlier study from the National Library of Medicine showed that 36.7% of respondents stated financial issues as a reason for their divorce. With so many marriages failing due to financial matters, it's clearly an area of stress in many relationships.

Galanes asks the letter writer an important question: Does his wife even have the money to cover half of these costs?

That’s a key question all couples should discuss when looking at combining households. And if the answer is “no,” can one afford to pick up the slack? For instance, half of Gen Z and millennial couples living together don’t split their rent or mortgage payments equally, according to a 2023 Thrive Financial survey. Cathy Curtis, a financial adviser, told CNBC this set up allows for “greater equity” amongst couples, when they may have hugely different salaries.

A 50/50 split may not make sense for you and your partner. The best way to figure out how to split expenses equitably between you two is to sit down with a financial adviser and talk it out. An impartial third party can help make these tough conversations less awkward if you find money talks difficult.

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