Is Peer Pressure Keeping You Poor?

Is Peer Pressure Keeping You Poor?

By Max Wong

Like every other Wise Bread writer, I hate debt. Although my debt doesn’t keep me awake at night, it is one of the things I think about while brushing my teeth every morning. “What will I do today (brush-brush) that will help me pay down (brush) my home mortgage ahead of (brush) schedule?”

The idea that “many people would rather struggle to pay off a large credit card bill than utter the phrase 'I can’t afford it,'” tests the limits of my financial imagination like a velociraptor tests an electric fence.

It’s so painful, yet I can’t stop thinking about it. Spending money that you don’t have is a type of self-harm that often goes undetected and can have lifelong consequences. (See also: The Enemies of Frugality)

The Positive Power of "I Can't Afford That"

I am grateful that I figured out early on that people who judged me for saying “I can’t afford that” were the same people who were secretly living with crushing amounts of credit debt and didn’t own anything.

I think most emotionally mature people realize that friends and family who make you feel bad about how much money you have are not nice people, but even armed with that knowledge, there is still so much peer pressure to spend.

One of the hardest things about not having financial parity with the people around you is turning down invitations to events that are out of your budget range. Being in debt can be isolating.

In addition to missing out on weddings, nights on the town, or even schooling, friends who get turned down repeatedly might take your reluctance to spend money you don’t have as a personal rejection.

So, how do you talk about debt without losing all your friends? There must be at least a dozen ways that people manage their public spending vs. private debt, but I have four strategies that have worked for me personally.

Be Your Own Financial Cruise Director

Your debt is not your friends' problem to solve.

While your truly good friends will always listen to you complain about your financial woes, it’s not really up to them to make your life without money work. If you want to spend time with people you care about, suggest alternate, inexpensive ways of spending time with them:

If you can’t afford to go to a $10 gym class, suggest a morning hike or a run through the park to your sporty friends.

If you can’t afford dinner, ask to meet with your friends after dinner for a drink instead.

When I was really poor, I became the master social planner for everyone in my life because I would comb the weekly alternative newspaper for free concerts, book readings, art openings, and other events that I could invite my friends to.

Even if you live in a tiny town with no nightlife, there are plenty of free ways to spend time with your friends. For example, offer to go with them when they have to run all their boring errands. Or, hang out with them at school events for their kids. Do yourselves both a favor and schedule a cleaning day where you switch off helping each other clean your houses. Chores go faster when you have a friend to talk to.

Be Honest

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