11 Awkward (But Important) Conversations About Money Every Couple Should Have
11 Awkward (But Important) Conversations About Money Every Couple Should Have
From splitting the bill for dinner to splitting the bill for life.
by Megan Liscomb Personal Finance Editor
Talking about money can sometimes feel a little uncomfortable. And figuring out how to have a money conversation with someone that you ~like-like~ can take it to a new level of "I have no idea what I'm doing."
But even though it might feel awkward, talking about money is super important in a relationship. The way you and your partner handle finances (both separately and together) can have a huge impact on things that you might want to do together someday, like owning a home or starting a family.
So to get some guidance, I talked to Shelly Ann Eweka, Director of Financial Planning Strategy at the insurance company TIAA, and Tori Dunlap, a millennial money expert and Coupons.com spokesperson, to get some insights into conversations you should have about money in different stages of a relationship.
Remember, every relationship is different. Some of these things might come up on their own or at an earlier or later time than recommended here. So instead of a checklist, think of this as a general guide to help make your relationship even stronger by getting aligned on your financial goals.
And if you're thinking about having a money talk with your S.O., set yourself up for success by approaching them in a mellow moment when there aren't distractions around and you'll have time to talk.
Here are 11 money conversations you should have with your partner:
WHEN YOU’RE DATING
1. The "Splitting the Bill" Talk
One way to pick up on a person's ~money vibe~ early on is by talking about who pays before you go on a date. Tori Dunlap says that something as simple as offering to split a dinner bill can give you a feel for your date's attitudes about money. "It can be a really great way to figure out, 'Are we financially compatible? Is this a good potential relationship where we have these smart financial habits together?'"
Hopefully, you and your date will be able to have an open and easy conversation about splitting the check, possibly opening the door for bigger conversations about money later on.
2. The "What's Important to You?" Talk
Dating is all about getting to know each other, and learning what your date loves to do can give you a peek into how they spend their money — and help you work out how financially compatible you are. For example, if your date is obsessed with fancy restaurants, they likely don't mind spending money on eating out. But if you're more into saving cash by cooking at home, you two might clash down the line when it comes to making a food budget.
Shelly Eweka says you can also learn a lot about your date's values by sharing yours. "Put out there what your dreams are and what you're trying to achieve. For example, you might be paying off student loan debt or saving to buy a house." By sharing your goals and watching how your date responds, you can learn a lot about what's important to them.
Different values aren't necessarily a deal breaker and opposites often attract, but it's a good idea to go into a potential relationship with your eyes open.
3. The "Partnership Roles" Talk
You can also learn a lot about your date's money habits by asking them how they handled finances in a past relationship. For example, if they mention that they lived with an old flame, you might ~casually~ ask some questions about how they shared responsibilities in the relationship. Finding out how they've handled this stuff in the past can give you insight into what they might want to do in the future.
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https://www.buzzfeed.com/meganeliscomb/money-conversations-in-a-relationship?bfsource=relatedmanual