The Important Thing About Money That Has Nothing To Do With Money

June 25, 2019  Values: The Overlooked Part About Money You Need to Get Right

Recently on Instagram I saw a group of friends clinking drinks on a trip and felt a pang–I wish I could do that. Not the traveling part. It’s the traveling with the multiple people part that I suck at.

You see, I’m a Vacation Ruiner. The larger the group, the greater the damage.

If you invite me on your trip I can guarantee that there will be a tempo mismatch–what everyone wants to do at a relaxed pace I’ll want to fly through. And when people want to go to a museum I’ll undoubtedly show up in waders ready to go fishing. My presence will create an unmistakable tension that will ensure you have a terrible time on a trip you’ve spent thousands of dollars on and hours planning.

On my first group trip, one of my friends quietly cancelled the rest of the trips we had planned.

And on the second trip, nobody said a word the entire three-hour car ride home.

It didn’t take long before I realized I was the common denominator.

In case you think I’m a jerk for no reason, let me explain: Everyone’s got something that drives their behavior. Later I realized what it was about the trips that turned me into an awful travel companion.

Group trips stifled things that I value very very much: independence, exploration and the opportunity to problem solve on my own. Being able to do things how I want and when I want. When you think about it that way, six people on a trip with only one car was a disaster in the making. And when I look back even to my childhood, it’s crazy how my values have driven so many of my decisions:

From getting mad at a teacher for trying to help me pick out a holiday card. To being banned from field trips in high school, because I ran off from the rest of the group. Then after college avoiding a full-time job for three years. (Like really, who does that?)

Have you noticed something like that in yourself? A value that you hold so strongly to the core, that it steers everything you do?

The Hard Part About Money

If you have a hard time thinking of an example, you’re probably in good company.

In personal finance we all focus way too much on tactics. While spending less than you earn, learning how to invest, and opening up a 2% interest savings account are important, the results will mostly vary depending on who you are.

But one thing I can guarantee is that money will always be hard unless you’ve got the touchy-feely stuff down.

That means understanding what drives you to do things. Your core values.

Everyone praises spending money on what they value. If I had a dollar for every time I read the word ‘value’ in a post then I’d be financially independent already.

But no one stops to ask: how do you really know what you value? And what if your entire life has been built around values that aren’t your own?

In a culture that doesn’t encourage much self-reflection, it’s not hard to see how some of us have no idea what we care about. Values just sort of get attached to you growing up. As a kid you’ve got your parents in your face telling you to do well in school. Don’t cross the street without looking.

Value safety, hard work and achievement, they say. Stability over passion. In middle school maybe you ditch an old friend for the cool crowd (guilty, as charged). You learned to value conformity over loyalty. Then society tells you to prize outward success, like big houses and lots of money.

There’s a lot of shoulds.

It’s not uncommon to realize one day that you’ve done all the “right” things and you’re still not happy. That your values came from everybody else, but not the most important person: you.

Why Values Are Critical to Happiness

Understanding your own values, not the ones that society tells you to have, is so important to feeling productive and satisfied in many aspects in life.

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