‘Is It a Bad Idea to Borrow $1K From My Friend?’

By Charlotte Cowles

I got laid off a few months ago and I’m still looking for a new job. I’ve been getting by with random work (babysitting mostly), but I’ve finally hit a point where I don’t think I’ll make rent this month.

I can’t ask my parents for help (they’re not in great financial shape either), and at this point, I think my best bet is to borrow money from a friend.

Her family seems well off, so I don’t think I’d be putting her in a tough spot. I also know she lent another friend money a little while ago. I just have no idea how to ask her, and I don’t want it to hurt our friendship.

 If she gave me a loan, ideally around $1,000, I could have some breathing room to search for a good job. How do I go about this? Or is there another, better option that I don’t know about?

If you borrow rent money from a friend — or anyone, really — it will be awkward. Just because your friend can afford to spare some cash doesn’t mean she’s comfortable being in that position. And what if she turns you down? She’ll feel guilty for saying no, you’ll regret asking, and you’ll still be broke.

When I polled some financial experts, they all agreed: It’s generally not a great idea to get into a borrower-lender relationship with friends or even family members. “I’ve seen it ruin friendships, or at least seriously damage them,” says Kristin O’Keeffe Merrick, a financial adviser.

“If one of my clients wants to lend money to a loved one, I always tell them to go into it with no expectation of being paid back.

If they’re comfortable with never seeing that money again, then it’s okay to extend the loan.” Think of this from your friend’s perspective. If, for whatever reason, you never repaid her, would it cause her serious hardship? If the answer is yes, you shouldn’t risk it.

Alternatively, what happens if you take years to repay her? It’s possible that she’ll hold the favor over your head or judge the way you spend money. I know a woman who loaned money to her brother to buy a house, and she says it was hard to watch him make “frivolous” purchases (new sheets, drinks with friends) while she waited two years for him to pay her back.

“I wish we’d been more formal about defining the terms,” she says. “Then I probably wouldn’t have been so anxious about being taken advantage of.” She never told him how she was feeling — just quietly stewed — and money remains a sore spot between them.

No one wants to feel like their personal relationships are transactional. Friendship math — the soft, intimate back-and-forth of giving and taking that happens between people who care about each other — is not numerical, and paying your friend back may not be as simple as cutting her a check.

 You might need to massage the friendship in other, more nuanced ways to make her feel appreciated and affirm that she’s more than a piggy bank to you.

For all of these reasons, your friend should be a last resort, not just a more convenient source of cash than another part-time gig. I’m not making light of your situation — it sounds like you really are scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

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