Humor While We Wait:

TNT:

MOT:  "Why God Made Moms "

( The following answers were given by elementary school children

to the following questions )

Question----"Why Did God Make Mothers?""

The answers:

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

Q-----"How Did God Make Mothers?"

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Q----"What Ingredients Are Mother's Made Of ?"

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

Q----"Why Did God Give You Your Mother And not Some Other Mom?"

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

Q----"What Kind Of Little Girl Was Your Mom?"

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff...

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

Q----"What Did Mom Need To Know About Dad Before She Married Him?"

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Q----"Why Did Your Mom Marry Your Dad ?"

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Q----"Who's The Boss At Your House?"

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

Q----"What's The Difference Between Moms And Dads?"

1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

Q----"What Does Your Mom Do In Her Spare Time?"

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

Q----"What Would It Take To Make Your Mom Perfect?"

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

Q----"If You Could Change One Thing About Your Mom What Would It Be?"

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

************

Mot:  ""What are You Doing?? "" ~~~

From MarkZ’s Chat:

Sabickford:  Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?

Life was simpler when we could play a game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Quoting one is plagiarism” ‘Quoting many is research’

Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if you take them while driving.

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain has given hope to many people.

I could really go for a glass of wine and a million dollars.

When people cut you down or talk behind your back remember, they took time out of their pathetic lives to think about you.

My brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by…

You're not drunk until you have to grab onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth.

Note to my Brethren with pregnant women in their life: do not, Repeat , do NOT refer to their speed walk as a "Turbo Waddle". I am not a smart man

I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces from now and then.

Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.

I paid my 15 year old $10 to do the dishes. Then, on his way to the bathroom, I mugged him because it's my job to teach him lifes lessons

I really wish "common Sense" would make a come-back

I do have a serious side you know. I keep it out on the back porch in a cage and feed it crackers.

You can't always control who walks into your life, but you can control which window you throw them out of.

I'm returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.

You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what you did.

The phrase "Ignore is and it will go away." does not apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars. Trust me on this one.

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend

It's a SCIENTIFIC Fact: Never tell a woman that she's crazy unless you really want to see crazy.

Children are often spoiled because no-one will spank Grandma

Not only is my short-term memory horrible, but so is my Short-term memory.

If you haven't grown up by age 50 - YOU DON"T HAVE TO!!!!!

Here's my resignation from adulthood. From now on all decisions will be made by rock, paper, scissors, and all arguments will be handled by sticking my tongue out at the other person.

You know you should go to sleep when the sheep you are counting are starting to hit the fence.

Might wake up early and go running. I also might win the lottery. Odds are about the same.

It's not a hangover…It's Wine Flu

I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer?  I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.