How To Tell a Friend: I Can’t Afford That
How To Tell a Friend: I Can’t Afford That
By Kara
I am a formerly broke person who had to tell people for a period of time in my life: “I can’t afford that.” Money can be a really sensitive topic for a lot of people for a variety of reasons. So I think it’s really important that we all develop a way to talk about it without being accusatory, without being defensive, without being negative. Also without straying into toxic positivity.
It can be difficult to navigate financial conversations with loved ones, especially if there is a big financial or lifestyle difference. With rising cost of living and limited spaces to hang in public for free, money is very much a part of all of our friendships today. We have to be able to talk about it. It’s important to be honest about what you can and cannot afford, but you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
How to tell a friend: I can't afford that
You don’t owe anyone an explanation
First and foremost, it’s important to remember that your individual financial situation is your individual financial situation. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about why you can or can’t afford anything. You should never feel badly about setting financial boundaries in your life. If you need to hear someone say it, I’m saying it! It’s not only okay, but important to prioritize your own financial stability for your own future. It’s really important to make decisions that align with your lifestyle values.
Be clear and direct
So when you’re telling a friend or a family member that you can’t afford something, be clear and be direct. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t be awkward about it. Because that just brings a tinge of awkwardness to everybody.
Start by thanking them for the invitation and acknowledging that you would love to attend. Then follow it up by saying, “Unfortunately, right now is just not the time.” Try to avoid using apologetic or overly apologetic language like, “I’m so sorry, I can’t do that. I’m such an asshole.” Don’t do that.
That brings up two really weird things. One, now you are making them emotionally responsible for you. They have to assure you, no, you’re not an asshole. Don’t worry about it, right? So that’s more labor, you’re asking for them. Two, it can come across as defensive because they invited you out. Now that’s kind of a weird dynamic. Instead, try to stress in the conversation that you love this person, you want to see this person and offer up a suggestion that works for you instead.
Give an alternative, budget situation
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