5 Strategies That’ll Help You Stop Fighting With Your Partner About Money

by Chaunie Brusie

It’s common for people in relationships to have different approaches to money.  One might be a spender, while the other might be a saver.  But as common as this might be, even small disagreements over how to manage money can add up over time, especially as you realize you and your partner may approach your finances in different ways that are subtle (or maybe not so subtle…) Either way, those differences will need to be addressed eventually.

So, when that moment comes for you, these tips will help you and your partner be able to effectively handle your finances when you have differing money mindsets.

Understand That Beliefs About Money Take Hold Early

How you approach your finances as an adult goes back to what you learned about money as a child, explains Jessica Small, who works as a licensed marriage and family therapist and premarital counselor with Growing Self Counseling and Coaching.  Upbringing probably plays the biggest role in someone’s financial style,” Small said. “So much of our belief system about money is defined by the messages we received as a child and how money is talked about in our families growing up.”

Allana Pratt, an intimacy coach, relationship expert, and host of “Intimate Conversations,” also points out that early beliefs surrounding money all result in an emotional mindset that will impact how you manage money later in life. Those beliefs could stem from things like getting positive attention when you saved your allowance as a child or learning to limit your dreams because you grew up in poverty.

Action Step for Couples: Carve out time to talk about how your family of origin approached money. Spend some time exploring how your partner’s financial upbringing — as well as your own — affects how you both approach money today. It can help both of you understand the “why” behind your beliefs about money.

Realize that Finances = Feelings

It’s important to recognize that when it comes to managing money, it’s never just about the dollar signs, according to Small. How you approach money actually boils down to how you feel about money, because a lot of emotion is attached to money in our society.

“We watch how our parents or primary caregivers spend money, their emotions around money, and how they fight about money to try to make sense of the value money holds,” she said. “If we grow up in a house where anxiety is the primary emotion that is expressed around money, then we begin to associate anxiety with finances. Sometimes, we’ll replicate what we saw growing up and other times people will consciously do the direct opposite.”

Small said that because finances are so closely intertwined with feelings, whenever she sees a couple in her practice who are struggling with financial management, she always asks them one question: “What does money mean to you?”

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https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/save-money/money-management-for-couples/?aff_sub2=homepage